Piracy Is Our Only Option

not posting and why

2012-01-28T12:03:00.000-05:00

I have not posted on this blog since last August. Why? Because I have had nothing to say. Nothing to give. Some stressful situations took over my life and I have nothing to offer anyone. What's different now? Well, the old stress has been replaced by new stress (as is always the case) but this time, I'm not looking to people to help. I know I have the most amazing fiance, wonderful family who love me to the end of the earth and back again, but I also know that those people cannot fully comprehend my view of my stresses and that they cannot, ultimately, make those stresses less intense. Only God can. He is the only One who can make this life worth living. He is the only One who can fix things for His eternal glory instead of just my personal and temporary comfort.

Something things get really difficult and I have to ask God, "Why on earth is THIS necessary!?" He doesn't mind the question most of the time, unless I'm showing deliberate distrust in His power and His glory. He wants to hear from me, but He will not stand to be doubted when my heart knows His infinite power and love for me. When I ask, I ask in reverent fear and love for what He is doing. I'm not asking to demand an answer, I'm asking as a conversation starter. He knows my heart and He knows that I want to follow only Him, even through the most difficult times in my life that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. He knows I need Him and I know it too.

I will begin to start posting again soon. God is showing me more about Himself and the deeply personal aspect of the relationship He wants to have with me and I will be posting about it. Also, I'm starting a new phase of my life with TG, my fiance. I love new phases because they mark a solid "moving on" from the old phase and I get the unique opportunity to allow God to help me start completely fresh, leaving all my issues with Him at the doorstep of the new phase. If I bring issues with me, that's on me. He will help me with them, but I was the only who decided to hang onto them.

I love my God, I love TG, I love my family and friends, and I will love this new phase of the journey. Uphill, downhill, valley, and mountaintop.

solace...

2011-08-24T21:01:00.000-04:00

"She found solace in things most people took for granted: books. Within the pages of her life she found that books held a quiet comfort. They took her away from her present-day troubles and allowed her a glimpse into the life of another. Books were a hiding place, books were an escape. But then she discovered prayer, and books were set aside for a more divine Hiding Place and instead of running to the pages of some novel for escape, she ran into Heavenly Arms for comfort."

~ Shanna Bryant

shot like an arrow

2011-07-26T10:48:00.001-04:00

sitting in a coffee shop... reading the Word... God led me here:

Psalm 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you."

Instruct and teach? Isn't that repetitive, God? I mean, don't those mean the same thing? I began to look up the original language (http://www.blueletterbible.org/) and here's what I found:

"Instruct": sakal, meaning to have insight, to be prudent and wisely understand. Got it. No surprise there.

"Teach": yarah, meaning to throw, shoot, cast, to shoot arrows. um... interesting word choice.

So apparently, God grants us insight into situations and then shoots us like arrows in the direction we should go.... Enter free will and outside circumstances....

Will we go in the direction God is shooting us or will we let the wind blow us off course?

Ask for wisdom and you will find it...

2011-07-26T10:39:00.000-04:00

Recently in my life I have been in a very stressful situation... a situation I would not wish on any human enemy (and I really mean that)... Sunday night, while the pastor was preaching, I was listening (your welcome, Brian) and he said something that hit me. He asked a question, "How does God feel about you right now?" My brain took that and flipped it into "how do I feel about God right now?" I have to be honest, I have dealt with some anger and bitterness towards God for allowing this situation to happen and for putting me in it. I have taken those feelings to Him and allowed Him to heal and redeem, but I still was stressing about a meeting the next morning. I began to not pay attention to the sermon (sorry Brian) and I began to pray. I began to cry out to God for wisdom, for Him to tell me exactly what He expected of me the next day. I knew that if I just knew what He wanted, if I obeyed, everything would be ok. It's as if my obedience was paramount not just for me, but for the whole situation. I began to ask for wisdom.

The Bible says that if you lack wisdom, ask for it, and it will be given to you and that's exactly what happened. I thought, where is the wisdom in the Bible? Proverbs! And then I skipped over Proverbs and went to Ecclesiates. He led me right to where I needed to go to hear what He wanted me to do in the meeting.

Ecc. 4:6 "Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind."

And then I pulled a Gideon and said to God, "umm... what?" He answered in the next chapter.

Ecc. 5:2 "Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.
God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few."

Ok, I said to God... I think I've got it now... You just want me to be quiet and let other people do the talking.... um.... why? Again, He answered two chapters over.

Ecc. 7:13-14 "Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future."

I began to understand. God has orchestrated these events, has allowed these things to happen, who am I to try and step in and "fix" it when I can stand back and let the Author set things back to His liking? I'm no one, I'm a vessel of the Lord of lords. I'm not to step into His world and tell Him how to act or how I think things ought to be. They are His.

And so I was silent in the meeting and I knew in my spirit that I walked away from it blameless in the eyes of God because I obeyed His commands to me regarding that very specific situation. Glory to God on high who gives direction and understanding to His children when they ask and obey!!!

2011-07-12T20:39:00.002-04:00

What is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the words I have read in my life.
— Walt Whitman

from Chambers today...

2011-06-29T11:19:00.000-04:00

"If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell" —Matthew 5:30

Jesus did not say that everyone must cut off his right hand, but that “if your right hand causes you to sin” in your walk with Him, then it is better to “cut it off.” There are many things that are perfectly legitimate, but if you are going to concentrate on God you cannot do them. Your right hand is one of the best things you have, but Jesus says that if it hinders you in following His precepts, then “cut it off.” The principle taught here is the strictest discipline or lesson that ever hit humankind.

When God changes you through regeneration, giving you new life through spiritual rebirth, your life initially has the characteristic of being maimed. There are a hundred and one things that you dare not do— things that would be sin for you, and would be recognized as sin by those who really know you. But the unspiritual people around you will say, “What’s so wrong with doing that? How absurd you are!”

There has never yet been a saint who has not lived a maimed life initially. Yet it is better to enter into life maimed but lovely in God’s sight than to appear lovely to man’s eyes but lame to God’s. At first, Jesus Christ through His Spirit has to restrain you from doing a great many things that may be perfectly right for everyone else but not right for you. Yet, see that you don’t use your restrictions to criticize someone else.

The Christian life is a maimed life initially, but in Matthew 5:48 Jesus gave us the picture of a perfectly well-rounded life— “You shall be, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” -Chambers

When God said to cut off your right hand, He didn't have to tell us how painful it would be, it's a given. Cutting off your own hand is going to HURT! But better to endure the pain of losing a limb than to struggle with sin and reap the fruit of that sin. But what if the sin isn't yours? What if it's someone else's in your life? Cut them off. It's going to HURT, you will cry and your heart may break, but God will honor your decision to live holy in His sight by stepping away from the sin. That being said, don't just write off people who screw up, we're all human and we all mess up. But unrepented, intentional sin needs to be dealt with. If you have confronted them by yourself, and then again with a mediator, and then again with your leadership and still there is no change, cut him off.... It's going to HURT. Believe me. It hurts. But God blesses and He has mercy on your pain and loves you through it. Even in the midst of the most difficult circumstances I have ever endured in my life, God is good, God is love, God is my Rock. I'm doing this for Him, under His direction, and for His people. My human heart may be breaking, but God is faithful to restore it! Will I cry? Already am. Will I hurt more? Yes. Will I need a time of healing? Most definitely. Is God ever-faithful to me? Without doubt! Will I obey Him? Without question.

Strength can be our biggest weakness...

2011-05-17T10:39:00.001-04:00

The more I grow and learn, the more I realize that there is a group of people in this world that seem to be built a little differently. They have a certain something about them that makes them seem stronger, able to handle more than others. A majority of these people are called women. Women seem to be built with a few uncanny qualities that few men I’ve known possess. I think most will agree that women have certain abilities that men are just not made with, and I’m not just talking about childbirth. I’m talking about the ability to look at you and see into your soul; the ability to fix everything with a hug, kind words, and good back scratch (the kind that you can still feel 15 minutes later); and the ability to hold what seems like the weight of the world on their shoulders and not only still stand up straight, but counsel another friend at the same time. Women are strong, strong people. But from this strength can come a huge problem, the “I can handle this” problem.

Sometimes we women get so used to “handling it” that we forget the Almighty God who wants to handle things for us. He wants to take the world off of our shoulders so we can go through the day without a headache! The only catch is that we have to let go of the world before He can take it. We have to willingly give it to Him and not try to take it back. There’s the rub. Some of the strongest women I know have gained their strength because they have not had someone stronger than them in their lives to help relieve the burdens they have carried and as a result they have trouble giving their own burdens to God and letting Him keep them.

I was speaking with a friend that has the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her job is demanding, her living situation is very demanding, and her family is currently going through more than one crisis. She is so stressed that her body is physically sick. She is very close to becoming angry and bitter at God. At one point, she questioned God for giving her too much to handle at one time. And don’t all women do that at some point? Do we not all try to tell God how much we can and cannot handle and how dare He cross that line and give us too much? Of course we do, whether we admit or not, we do, we have, and we will.

A few years ago, I was told that I had “grit”... from a thesaurus “courage, bravery, pluck, mettle, backbone, spirit, strength of character, strength of will, moral fiber, steel, nerve, fortitude, toughness, hardiness, resolve, resolution, determination, tenacity, perseverance, endurance.” These are nice things to have as they have come in very handy when dealing with certain aspects of my life, but they have also been a hindrance because I start to think that I can handle things better than God. Now, I don’t go around saying that I can handle things better than God, that would just be crazy. But every time I try to handle something without consulting Him, without letting Him be the leader, without having His guidance, without giving it to Him, I’m basically telling Him that I can do it better than He can.

Yes, women are strong. We have to be. Coming from a military family, I have seen and see daily how women are strong for their husbands, how women support their husbands. In my experience, the supporter must be as strong or stronger than the supported. Yes, men are physically stronger, and in a battle of the sexes, men might win. And yes, this is a battle, but not of the sexes, but for the sexes! As Christian men and women, our struggle is not against each other, but we fight side by side against “principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Eph 6:12 NKJV). God made men and women to work together, to work in harmony with each other against the evil powers of this world. But two are better than one only if God has put those together. We women sometimes have to hard time being alone, which is ironic when you stop to consider who strong we are. Society has made us feel incomplete if we are not married or with at least with someone. A single woman in her thirties is nearing “old maid” status and should probably invest in at least two cats if you follow society’s philosophy on the subject… unless of course, you are a career woman, and then it’s okay to be single as long as you plan on getting married at some point in your life.

Ladies, society has lied to you! We have spent too much of our lives watching Walt Disney’s ideas on love, Prince Charming, and a heroine with perfect hair, that we have forgotten God’s reality! God has a plan for your life, a plan that you have been carefully crafted by His hands to accomplish and everything in your life, all the weights you have carried over the years are for that plan! The daily headaches I struggle with make my compassion for the pains of others skyrocket because I have a special, very personal understanding of what that pain really feels like. And when the pain gets so bad my eyes can’t focus anymore, I have to stop, pray for strength and wisdom, and continue on with the plan in the full knowledge that God is working through me because my strength is completely gone. Sometimes, we have to get to that point before we learn the lesson on how to give things to God and let Him keep them. It’s not that God enjoys laying more and more on our shoulders, it’s that He understands that we have been built to hold so much, that we have to be broken by the weight before we remember to give things to Him. It is sad that it has to happen that way and I wish it were not so, but we are stubborn people with stubborn souls and He is a patient God who only wants the best for us. In our weakness, He is at His strongest because it is when we are weak that we rely most on Him. Would that we were weak all the time! I wish I had never been told that I had grit! I wish I never realized my own strength so that I would have always relied on God for everything! But pride rarely fails to step in and tell me that I can handle it on my own.

Sisters (and brothers too) we are not made to handle things alone! We are made to give things to God and let Him work through us. What are you still holding on to that you know God wants? In order for you grasp all the good things that God has for you, you have to empty your hands of all the things you are holding onto. Release your grasp on the stresses, the worries, the fears, and even the joys. Give them all to God and be ready to be amazed at the gifts He gives you in return. Who else would give you a blessing for giving Him a burden? God wants your burdens as much as any parent wants to relieve their child of hurtful things. Let God have it and you’ll be amazed at the blessings that He pours into you that you never knew you always wanted and needed!

Friend, I love you and God loves you, both more than you know.

Top 10 Myths about Introverts

2011-04-27T09:53:00.002-04:00

I thought the most beautiful thing in the world must be shadow, the million moving shapes and cul-de-sacs of shadow. There was shadow in bureau drawers and closets and suitcases, and shadow under houses and trees and stones, and shadow at the back of people’s eyes and smiles, and shadow, miles and miles and miles of it, on the night side of the earth.

Top 10 Myths about Introverts

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

currently reading...

2011-04-25T11:56:00.002-04:00

2011-04-08T09:49:00.003-04:00

Anxiety is secretive. He does not trust anyone, not even his friends, Worry, Terror, Doubt and Panic … He likes to visit me late at night when I am alone and exhausted. I have never slept with him, but he kissed me on the forehead once, and I had a headache for two years.
— by, J. Ruth Gendler, The Book of Qualities

2011-04-08T09:45:00.002-04:00

The relationship of a girl and her favorite novel can be complex indeed.
— Nightshade by Andrea Cremer

Hallway time

2011-03-22T11:35:00.000-04:00

Last night we had prayer meeting in my apt. 12 people sitting in various places and positions around my living room. Some with uplifted faces, others playing guitars, while still others lay flat on their faces before God. I sat in the hallway, only looking into the living room sporadically, having my own time with God. Hallway time.

As people sang their hearts out in the other room, I was struck by my own heart and the state in which God finds it. I work in the ministry for a church. I'm "church staff". But what does that really mean? Does it mean that I'm held to a higher standard than others? Does it mean that I have to act a certain way or live my life in public eye? Perhaps. The Bible says that those in leadership are held accountable for the lives they influence. Pretty heavy stuff. I was struck last night by just how heavy this responsibility really is. Now, I'm not the pastor or even a small group leader. But I'm a mentor. I meet with women on a regular basis who ask for my guidance in their lives, who listen to the things I say and who value my opinion. Some of them watch how I live my life very closely and (not in a bad way) judge me. They see how I live, how things effect me, and sometimes take their cue from me. Is this something I'm ready for? Well, ready or not, here it is.

God has positioned me in a such a place and such a time as this for some very specific reasons. While I'm not aware of all of them, I am aware of some. I see my purpose in a few very important places in my life and, while it can be stressful sometimes, I wouldn't trade it for anything. As I work for God, as I live my life for Him (in public and private) I'm so protected. My leadership would throw themselves in the line of fire for me if they could. They act as a shield for me as much as they can and I love them for it.

My job description is very different from my actual job. My job description says "church administration" and everything that goes along with that. But my actual job involves more of a "do what God tells you to do" kind of thing. Yes, I do church administration. I'm a paper pusher and I'm pretty good at it. But that is not all I am or all that God has given me to do. My job involves everyone in my office, to love them and be a helper to them. But in order to do that, I must be in a certain "place" in my spiritual life. I'm not there yet.

This is a growing process. This faith we have isn't something that comes into its fullness the instant you accept it. No, we must grow into our roles that God has ordained for us. All I have experienced has made an impact on the person that I am and on what I bring into the office with me every day. Some things I learned in school, some things I learned in life, and other things I have prayed specifically for. For example, I learned basic social cues in life, I learned how to understand the human psyche in school, but I have prayed to be able to look at people and know the truth. All of these things together allow me to serve people in a way that someone without my specific experiences would be unprepared to handle.

That being said, my hallway time taught me that I'm not where I need to be. I need to be spending SO much more time in the Word, time near my God, focusing on Him and letting Him be my strength. No person can ever take the place of God in my life, not that anyone would ever try! My eyes need to stay focused on Him and His plan for my life and my heart. It's surprisingly easy to get distracted by... things and people.

My prayer for my growth: God, be my words. Inhabit my prayers. Infuse my mind, my body, my soul. Turn my humanity towards You that it may be washed in Your light and cleansed to reflect Your glory and Your love to overflowing! Bend my will to Yours! Bend my ears to Your holy lips, that I might always hear You! Turn my eyes to Your way, that I might see You and see as You see. Surround my heart with Yours, that I might love as You love. Teach my Your ways, that may be Yours.

What I want to do today....

2011-03-15T10:09:00.000-04:00

I want to do this today and not much else....

with Mumford and Sons playing in the background... yeah, perfection for this day. :-)

my life of books...

2011-02-11T21:45:00.000-05:00

First off, let me tell you that I am a book lover. Just accept it, it'll make this whole thing much easier to understand.

When I was a kid, I loved books. They followed me everywhere and I spent much of my day with my nose buried in a book.

By high school, most of my brain power was given over to books and the lives their stories contained. I was aware of reality, but only in respect to whatever book I was reading at the time.

By college, I was well into discovering who I was going to become by falling down a rabbit hole, losing my way for a while, but then waking up to find I really liked who was I on the path to becoming.

Grad school brought a whole new level of reading, exhaustion, and discovery. I read more than I had ever read in my life and often fell asleep with a book on my face (which wasn't really new). I learned more of who I didn't want to be than who I needed to be.

My reality now is much more "normalized". A good book and a cup of tea make the perfect afternoon. But I know I cannot live in the stories I read, God is writing too good of a story with my life for me to lose myself in fiction. I love a good book and always will, but God's reality is SO much more exciting!!

To Be Continued....

When God speaks, write it down!

2011-01-24T09:23:00.001-05:00

January 23, 2011, GCC Worship Service. God spoke, I wrote:

I am the Rock so that you can lean on Me. I'm strong so you can be real. I'm worthy so you can just be human. Don't be what you're not. If you're tired, be tired. If you're weak, be weak. Let Me handle this. I love you enough to be all of the things you need and cannot be. I love you so much! I want to be everything for you and that doesn't even begin to cover it! I love you enough to not only die for you, but to leave my grave and take care of you! I want to take care of you! I ask nothing of you in return. I just want to wrap My arms around you when you're sad, fix you when you're broken, touch you when you're desperate for Me, heal your heart when it bleeds.

I am the Rock so that you don't have to be. I'm strong so you can be weak. I'm Holy Spirit so you can be human. I'm perfect. Don't try to be what you're not! It will only hurt you, tear you down, and leave you defeated. I'm your victory! Let Me be that for you!

I know you are broken, let Me fix you. Let Me be your restoration, let Me be your smile. It's not easy and if it were, I would have called someone else. But I called you for a reason. Trust and rely on Me and you will grow to a place beyond your imagination! Trust me with your heart, your talents, your strength, and your love. I crafted you for this, let Me continue to mold you as it pleases Me for the ministry of my people.

sooo... it's 2011 now

2011-01-08T19:00:00.000-05:00

I haven't gotten used to writing that date yet. Since the only times I ever really write the date anymore are on checks and since I pretty much don't write those but once a month, I'm really not used to writing 2011.

2010 was a pretty awesome year! Lots of new things started (*ahemGENESIScough*) and my new job that lies therein. I've gone through quite a few steps in my learning this year. My painting has improved a bit as well, which is always nice. :-)

What am I hoping for for 2011.... I'm hoping for some more of God's awesome plans to fall down on me. Someone looked at me yesterday and said, "You have a really good life." I could only agree, but prefaced it with "it hasn't always been this way." I have worked for the things I have, and I have to continue to work for them. I am very well taken care of, but that's because I have learned myself enough to know what I need and that God has my needs at heart and let Him run this life-show. For 2011, I'm hoping that God continues this work He has started in me and, more importantly, that I let Him.

i am kate: Today.

2010-12-17T22:28:00.000-05:00

i am kate: Today.: "Today I am cynical and restless. Today I want to curl up in a ball and weep my way through a bowl of ice cream. Today I wonder, 'How..."

Today

2010-12-17T22:27:00.000-05:00

Today I want to curl up in a ball and weep my way through a bowl of ice cream.

Today I wonder, "How did I get here...and when will it too, pass?"

Today I feel unattractive and inadequate.

Today I am honest. Today I feel deeply. Today I am lonely.

I pray that tomorrow brings peace, hope, and desire.

I pray that today is just that: only today.

From: i am kate

The day a Hysterectomy sounds good....

2010-12-16T11:43:00.000-05:00

The Day A Hysterectomy Sounds Good by Amy Cox

The day a hysterectomy sounds good
Is the twenty-four hour period each month
Where my uterus feels as though it is trying to expel itself from my body
And I am more than willing to stop the madness and have it all removed....
If it weren't for the mother in me
The one that rationalizes my wide midsection as the perfect childbearing hips
The one that longs to go lingerie shoppping, maternity clothes shopping, and eventually baby clothes shopping
To set up a nursery and spend hours rocking my tiny babe to sleep

But today,
Just like every month
The hormones rage,
The tears flow,
And I think,
There's always adoption

Oh, Oswald Chambers, you're good.

2010-12-15T09:44:00.000-05:00

"Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." 2 Timothy 2:15

If you cannot express yourself well on each of your beliefs, work and study until you can. If you don’t, other people may miss out on the blessings that come from knowing the truth. Strive to re-express a truth of God to yourself clearly and understandably, and God will use that same explanation when you share it with someone else. But you must be willing to go through God’s winepress where the grapes are crushed. You must struggle, experiment, and rehearse your words to express God’s truth clearly. Then the time will come when that very expression will become God’s wine of strength to someone else. But if you are not diligent and say, “I’m not going to study and struggle to express this truth in my own words; I’ll just borrow my words from someone else,” then the words will be of no value to you or to others. Try to state to yourself what you believe to be the absolute truth of God, and you will be allowing God the opportunity to pass it on through you to someone else.

Always make it a practice to stir your own mind thoroughly to think through what you have easily believed. Your position is not really yours until you make it yours through suffering and study. The author or speaker from whom you learn the most is not the one who teaches you something you didn’t know before, but the one who helps you take a truth with which you have quietly struggled, give it expression, and speak it clearly and boldly.

Introvert Spasm

2010-12-11T21:28:00.000-05:00

An Introvert Spasm is when a person with an introverted personality suddenly cannot handle interaction with other human beings. It seems to happen suddenly, but this is deceiving. In fact, an introvert spasm takes time to build up in the introvert's system before is spasms out. While the introvert might not notice the symptoms of the building up process, it's been documented that after the introvert realizes what's happening, they can note the symptoms and be in a better position next time to avoid the complete spasming effect.

... until then.... I will continue to have my introvert spasm.

With age comes....

2010-11-29T11:41:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I turned 30. Yeah, I know, no one thought I was that old, but yeah. 1980 was a good year :-)

I like having a birthday near the end of the year because it gives me a chance to not only evaluate my January-December year, but also that year in my life. Last night I thought this through and was finally okay with being 30. My birthday is when I make resolutions, not New Years. But the things I decide to do are more powerful than resolutions because they take place on my birthday, it's more personal that way.

27 was a bad year for me. Really bad. I made some of the worse decisions in my life (and I knew better!) and suffered relatively light consequences considering what could have happened. I was depressed for most of that year and running from God with a lot of intentionality. I didn't want Him, I didn't want to do what I was supposed to be doing because that had never really been fun before and I wanted to have some fun. I was dumb.

28 rolls around and I struggled with some big decisions and knew I just couldn't make them on my own. It took me almost a full month to get my work schedule set so that I had Sundays off, but I did it. I darkened the door of a local church the first Sunday of 2008. I went to that church because the building looked cool and it looked big enough that I thought I could just remain anonymous. No one would pay attention to me and I could follow through with my birthday resolution with minimal fuss. I was wrong.

Sunday morning I went to Sunday school then the church service. Pretty normal, only slightly awkward.

I filled out the communication card because that's just what ya do. Monday evening (while shoe shopping) I got a phone call from the pastor followed by a phone call from their student intern. This goofy kid invited me to their college and career Bible study Tuesday night. As I was talking to him, I looked him up on facebook (his picture is startling, is it not?). Despite his profile picture, he was so nice I decided that I would go at least once and check it out. Afterwards I joined the group for dinner and was invited to Rhythm on Thursday night.

I wasn't going to go. I really wasn't. I was tired, it had been an awful day, all I wanted to do was go home and drink. But I went anyway. I was late, missed part of worship, and sat in the back. The music was loud and I didn't know any of the words, but it made my tired face smile a little. Then this little bald guy got up and start bouncing around and preaching about heartbeats and rhythms and I don't know what else. I couldn't tell you what he talked about, but I can tell you the God I saw in this little guy. He was a powerhouse.

Since then, I've been hooked. Literally. God flipped my life upside-down that year and hasn't not stopped.

When 29 hit, I knew it was going to be a good year. My friends through me a "surprise" birthday party and it was fabulous! This was the year Genesis got planted. I remember telling Lewis I wasn't a church planter, it just wasn't what I saw myself doing. I was wrong. (Noticing a trend?) God blew my mind this past year with everything He has taught me and is continuing to teach me. More has happened durning my 29th year than I can tell you. To sum up, I now work for that little bald guy who is also my pastor and friend. I also work with that silly kid from the phone who has become one of my greatest friends. There's so much more, more than I could ever hope to type. Maybe I'll write a book some day.

But for today, I'm 30 and I'm excited about it!

HP books according to Draco Malfoy

2010-11-24T09:12:00.000-05:00

Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake
Draco Malfoy and the Better-than-Potter’s Broomstick
Draco Malfoy and Hagrid’s Bloody Chicken
Draco Malfoy and the Year His Father Would Hear About
Draco Malfoy and the Inquisitorial Squad
Draco Malfoy and the Vanishing Cabinet
Draco Malfoy and the Year He Realized He Had Been a Douchebag

(Source: skykingcat)

I'm just as strange as you...

2010-11-16T09:34:00.000-05:00

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought, there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”

-Frida Kahlo

Thoughts on Freedom...

2010-11-15T14:32:00.000-05:00

What is freedom? Where does it come from and what does it require of me?

In the first 13 chapters of Exodus we meet a nation of enslaved people. God heard their cries, sent them a leader, and took 13 chapters to get them to walk out of the city. When God set the Israelites free from the Egyptians, it wasn’t just a matter of Him setting them free and then they sat around and were just “free” in their own little lives. Their freedom required something of them. If they wanted to be free, they had to not only accept the work that God was doing in their lives, but they had to pack up their stuff and actually walk out of the city of their captivity. They had to walk away from that which held them captive. Now, you wouldn’t think that that would be a difficult decision. You might not initially think that walking away from oppression would be something you would actually have to think over, but let’s look at this a different way.

The Egyptians were holding the Israelites captive and treating them like slaves. But what if the Egyptians were holding the Israelites captive but treated them like equals or better? Would the Israelites still recognize their enslavement or would they come to an acceptance and say, “well, that’s just how things are”? It’s easy to recognize enslavement when it’s painful or oppressive. It’s easy to look at slavery and say, “that’s bad and should never happen! We should fight that.”

What if enslavement is somehow masked as something that’s not so bad? What if we are walking around this world, thinking we are completely free, but in actuality are completely enslaved? Only this isn’t any kind of slavery history has ever recognized before. It’s completely unearthly and entirely spiritual. Ephesians 6:12 "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” Our freedom will not be gained by fighting people, or even by “just getting through today”. There are days when we feel like “just getting through” is doing pretty good, thank you very much. But is that the life of freedom Jesus died so that we could have? Of course not! I have a hard time believing that the Savior of the Universe DIED just so we could force ourselves to push through another day! But how do we break this dynamic we have with the world? It’s so easy to just jump on the “God bandwagon” and expect to go out and conquer the world and fall flat on our faces. How do we free ourselves from this tether that the world has on us?

I don’t have any magical answers that will somehow make that light bulb turn on over your head and help you see something you have never seen before. Like Paul said in 1 Timothy 1:15, “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.” Here is what I have found in my spirit to be true. We cannot save ourselves. We cannot free ourselves. We have to let ourselves die. The Bible says, “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Gal 2:20 NLT). Crucified. Dead. No longer living. Powerless. That is what our old lives must become if we expect our new lives in Christ to gain any momentum. We simply cannot go on living our lives as we have been and still expect God to free us from those lives. We have to be willing to walk away from them. Now, we can’t always afford to walk away from our jobs, but we can walk away from the group of gossips around the coffee machine. We can’t always physically walk out of our situation the way the Israelites did, but ask and watch as God provides a place for your spirit to find freedom and rest within your stressful situation. Be willing to be changed, ask, and then watch as God takes a sinner and slave to sin and grants a freedom that no words can express!

Will you have troubles? Of course. Will you struggle on probably a daily basis? Naturally. Will people mock you and treat you badly? Probably. Will you sometimes wonder if this was a good idea? Could be. Will you be alone? Never! In your lowest valley, He is there. On your highest mountaintop, He is with you. On your way from one to the other, He travels by your side.

Romans 8:38-39 (New Living Translation) “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

The shape of your heart

2010-10-25T10:22:00.000-04:00

If you were to draw your heart, what shape would it take? Would it be battered and beaten? Would it be fresh and bright? Would it be held safely in someone's strong and capable hands? Would it be standing alone?

Mine would (big shock here) be a book. Not a new book, not an old book. Plain on the outside, so plain in fact that many people look over it without even noticing, but it is held securely and lovingly in the hands of Jesus. He has read it so many times, He knows it better than I do! Inside the pages are worn with use. Many passages are highlighted and underlined by people that have walked through my life and taught me something about myself. They have each written a little something in the margins, each leaving their own special mark on the pages of my heart. The story my heart tells is for the eyes of Jesus alone, for He is the Author. Many people catch a glimpse of it here and there, they can read a page or two, maybe even a whole chapter; but no one can know the fullness of it except the Author. He knows what it was created for and who will read bits and pieces of it.

Every time I hold a book in my hands, I think about my heart. The link is so direct for me that I cannot help but wonder what new page of my heart will turn next. What chapter of my life am I on and how many more chapters do I have to go? Am I nearing the middle of the book or still in the beginning?

What about your heart? What shape does it take?

The structure of a book

2010-10-24T10:22:00.001-04:00

“When we read a story, we inhabit it. The covers of the book are like a roof and four walls. What is to happen next will take place within the four walls of the story. And this is possible because the story’s voice makes everything its own.”

- John Berger; Keeping a Rendezvous

I love the structure of books. I love to read a book and see the four walls, roof, basement, and all the different floors and rooms of a book. Each character, each situation, each event adds another layer, another dimension, another story to the structure of the book. When reading a book, I love to watch the structure slowly unfold, creating a new puzzle piece with each turn of a page. Every new twist in the unfolding of the story allows for a new room to be explored. As the characters wonder around the house of the story, each person's point of view in each room allows the reader's mind to expand and be made aware of possibilities yet unknown to them. With each book I read, I can only hope that my mind expands to include new possibilities in life, in imagination, and in dreams.

my love

2010-10-19T09:10:00.000-04:00

I love books. I love stories. I love the world that books open up to your mind. I love the feel of a book in my hand. I love the smell of old books and the look of the yellowing pages. I love the comforting silence of the library. I love the vast feeling of knowledge that exists in such a palatable way that if I took in a deep breath, I would know more than I did before I breathed. I love the imagination that books bring to my life. I love the escape of a good story. I love the structure. I love to take a good story and build a house out of it. The easy way I can be taken so far away from my present place by a good book causes me to yearn for more and more.

“We needed books, we needed something on which to build dreams.”
Louis L’Amour

Things I hate about food...

2010-10-18T09:35:00.001-04:00

Things I hate. I realize that maybe "hate" is a strong word, but today, this morning, these are things that are really grating on my nerves:

1. Feeling like I have to ration my food to make it to the next payday, even though I know that money needs to go someplace else. All I want is to pay bills and still be able to get food and gas. Apparently that is too much to ask right now.

2. Feeling the need to eat protein and only being able to grab the half eaten Slim Jim left in my drawer from the week before. Even though Slim Jims do have 6 grams of protein (the big ones do anyway), I still feel like this is an ultimately bad life choice.

3. People saying that you look like you've lost weight and you know the reason why, and it has nothing to do with a diet that you actually chose but rather the buying of more "economical" foods. Now hear this People, Ramen and Spaghettios do NOT a healthy diet make! And yet these and other similar items have been nearly the entirety of my food intake recently.

4. For those of us that sometimes struggle with anemic tendencies, this is NOT a good way to live your life! I have been showing signs of anemia all week and that is bad, very bad. I want a steak. Medium rare. I'm feeling very carnivorous.

I need some cheaper options here. Weekly, I'm super thankful for my amazing roommates and my wonderful boss who feed me! If not for them, I would be much skinnier, and not in the good way.

In about two weeks, my family is taking me on a 9 day cruise to celebrate my birthday. Is it bad that I'm most excited about getting to eat some really good food? Guilt-free (I feel guilty wasting yokes) Egg white omelets with lots of veggies, plenty of red meat and seafood, as much iced tea as I can drink, peanut butter that's not past its expiration date, and who knows what other glories lie before me!! (and since when did unexpired peanut butter become a "glory"?)

I'm looking forward to the day when I can eat healthier because I can afford it, not because I feel like I'm going to pass out if I don't. Today's lunch: one spicy black bean burger I found in the back of my freezer (no one claimed it, so I took it) and some frozen spinach (thank you Mr. Office Microwave).

A coworker just walked in with doughnuts... this might not be such a bad day after all. :-)

ponderation of the day...

2010-10-13T10:15:00.000-04:00

What’s one thing you feel you can’t say in the church? Why?

"Sometimes I just don't understand human beings..." -C3PO, Star Wars

2010-09-14T14:02:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I have a hard time wrapping my mind about humans. We were the last thing God created, the grand finale as it were... and yet, have you seen a sunset over the ocean? A sunrise over the mountains? Snow covered peaks against a brilliant blue sky? Lakes reflecting like mirrors? How can humans be so grand a thing when these and many more majestic creations exist?

I would like to say that we're the grand finale because we're actually conscious creations. We have a mind, a soul, and a spirit, unique from other creations. We also have opposable thumbs, but we're not the only ones, so that's not all that great but sure helps when making tea and toast for breakfast. Last night, during a prayer meeting, I was just struck with my own inability to understand the idea that humans are so great. I mean, I know some pretty nice people and some very talented people, but as a whole, I'm looking for reason why God waited until the end to create us. He took a few days to make preparations for us on earth. He knew what we would need to survive and created those things first so that we wouldn't want for anything upon our creation. He knew we would need air to breathe, food and water, light and dark, and companionship.

Why would God create such a wonderful place for us when He knew we were going to do what we've done to it? Probably the same reason that parents give their children great gifts when they know the kid is going to just play with the box (I had some of the coolest spaceships with those boxes!). Love. I guess that's what it all comes down to: love. How many times in the Bible does it talk about God being love? How many times does Jesus show His perfect love to the people around him?

God is love. Perfect love. A love that never fails. So what's our problem? We miss it! We are surrounded by physical evidence of His love for us and yet we miss it on a regular basis! Look around you today and find the ways God has shown you His love today. Did you see something beautiful? Have you been hugged? Does someone love you and did something special to show it? Are you breathing?

Love. That's what it's all about.

Moving day is nearly upon me!

2010-08-26T10:25:00.000-04:00

So, in case you don't already know, I'm moving. Not across the state, across the country, or across the world, just across town. I'm trying like crazy to get work done at the church office, trying to pay attention at Job #2, and still trying to pack up my small world so that when saturday comes the people who are helping me move won't hate me. I'm going through closets, cabinets, nooks, and crannies, trying to get everything packed up in an organized way and I'm noticing a trend. Through the past year that I have been living at the house, when I've had something that I didn't know what to do with, or just didn't want to deal with, I just stuck it someplace where I didn't have to look at it. My hall closet has the most random assortment of stuff that I've ever seen! The drawers in the baker's rack are full of random papers, fish food, and left over Christmas candy (super gross!).

I feel there's a metaphor here... when something comes along that we don't want to deal with, our first instinct is to push it away and just try to forget about it. We stuff it in the virtual nooks and crannies of our minds and refuse to deal with it. Even when it involves someone else and they don't want to deal, we collectively stuff it in our hall closet and try to forget about it.

The problem is this: eventually those closets are either going to get full and the door will stop closing, or we'll move and have to clean out the closet quickly. Rushing through anything tends to lead to mistakes, rushing through cleaning typically means throwing things out we wanted to keep, keeping things we needed to throw out, or just packing everything and hoping we'll have time to deal with it later (essentially bringing our closet of junk with us to wherever we're moving).

What does God have to say about our tendency to stock pile our junk because we don't want to deal? I guess that depends on why we don't want to deal with it. Here are a few reasons:

Anxiety/fear. God says this, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

Doubt that God can actually handle it. Try this one on for size: 1 John 5:13-15 "I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him."

Our reasons can seem as endless as the oceans, but we need to understand that God is bigger, stronger, and more able to handle our lives than we are! So why do we struggle through our lives as if we're the only ones who can hack it? On another level, why do we try to avoid enlisting help when we finally start to unpack our closet? Embarrassment? What keeps us from grabbing a close friend or leader and ask them to go through our crap with us? No one really enjoys airing out their dirty laundry in front of others, but we are made for community, made to need each other. In trying to do everything on our own when we really need help, we're denying ourselves the joy of working in the manner for which we are created. God knows we need Him and He knows we need each other. Jesus, while on this earth, surrounded Himself with 12 men and was especially close with 3 of them. Yes, He was training them, but they were His companions. If the Savior of the universe surrounded Himself with people He trusted and loved, why don't we? Are we better than Jesus? I mean, really?

Which one will I be?

2010-07-08T12:12:00.000-04:00

I like the disciples. Sometimes I envy them a little bit. I think, "they got to physically walk with Jesus, see His face, touch His hand, and sit next to Him." Even the thought of the total lack of personal hygiene doesn't really phase me as much as you would think. The 12 disciples got to experience physically what we get to experience spiritually. They walked with Him physically, we walk with Him spiritually. They talked with Him physically, we talk with Him spiritually. They followed Him wherever He walked, we follow His direction in our walks.

As I go through their adventures in my mind, I see the 13 of them surrounded by crowds of people. I see them sitting alone around a fire talking, telling jokes, laughing, and loving being in each other's presence. I see them walking down a hot and dusty road, Jesus striding with purpose, Peter, James, and John close at His heals (kinda like large puppies), and the rest following behind, each one lost in his own thoughts. I see Jesus being led away from the 12 by soldiers, Peter, James, and John wanting to follow but are unsure, the rest run for their lives. I see eye contact being made, unspoken words being communicated, hearts being torn.

As I think about these 12 men, I wonder what they were thinking when the soldiers came. No doubt they were frightened, but what were they expecting Jesus to do? Peter's response was pretty obvious: pull out a weapon and fight. But what did they think when Jesus replaced the man's ear and actually told Peter to cut it out? When they were running for their lives, were they having regrets about following Jesus? Were they just concerned with their own skins? Did they even think about Jesus as they ran?

When it came down to the wire, when Jesus was on the cross, of the 12 disciples who had just spent the past three years getting dusty from the sand kicked up by Jesus' sandals, only 1 stayed the course to the end. Only 1 stood at the foot of the cross, close enough to hear Jesus' words when He charged this 1 to care for His mother. Perhaps even close enough to smell the stench of blood and dirt. Perhaps even close enough to touch His feet. Of the 12 men, 10 ran away, 1 killed himself, and 1 continued to follow Jesus.

Regardless of where the 12 disciples were at that time, I can't help but wonder where I would have been. I look up those 12 men who left their lives to follow my Jesus, I ponder their choices. When I sit and really ponder their choices on that day, the question is put to my soul, "What kind of disciple will you be? Will you let yourself take the easy way out and die? Will you run away? Will you not have the strength to make it all the way? Or will you follow Jesus, even to the cross?" With tears in my eyes, I answer, "I want to be the one who makes it. I want to be at my Savior's feet, regardless of whether they are bloody, dirty, or white as snow." I ask what I had to do to make it. And God responds clear as day, "Stay at your post. Read scripture. Love my children. Talk to Me. Use your gifts."

Which disciple will you be? Will you run? Will you die? Will you follow?

Only Hope

2010-07-07T11:17:00.000-04:00

There's a song that's inside of my soul.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But You sing to me over and over and over again.

So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours, I pray, to be only Yours
I know now You're my only Hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours, I pray, to be only Yours
I know now, You're my only Hope.

I give You my destiny.
I'm giving You all of me.
I want Your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours, I pray, to be only Yours
I pray, to be only Yours
I know now You're my only Hope.

Prayer: Do it!

2010-07-06T12:38:00.001-04:00

Learn to pray for your friends and loved ones from head to toe:

* Head --That they will look to You as Lord of his life. (1 Corinthians 11:3)
* Mind -- That they will have the mind of Christ and think as the Holy Spirit would lead them and not the flesh. (1 Corinthians 2:16)
* Eyes --That You will keep their eyes from temptation and that they will turn their eyes from sin. (Matthew 6:13, Mark 9:47)
* Ears -- That they will hear Your still small voice instructing them. (1 Kings 19:12, Psalm 32:8)
* Mouth -- That their words will be pleasing to You. (Proverbs 19:1)
* Neck -- That they will humble themselves before You and be strong, courageous, and careful to do everything written in Your Word so that they will be prosperous and successful. (James 4:10, Joshua 1:8-9)
* Heart -- That they will love and trust You with their whole heart. (Deuteronomy 6:5, Proverbs 3:5)
* Arms -- That You will be their strength. (Psalm 73:26)
* Hands -- That they will enjoy the work of their hands and see it as a gift from You. (Ecclesiastes 3:13, 5:19)
* Feet -- That You will order their steps and that they will walk in Your truth. (Proverbs 4:25, Psalm 26:3)

freedom

2010-06-25T13:13:00.001-04:00

What is freedom? Where does it come from and what does it require of me?

In the first 13 chapters of Exodus we meet a nation of enslaved people. God heard their cries, sent them a leader, and took 13 chapters to get them to walk out of the city. When God set the Israelites free from the Egyptians, it wasn’t just a matter of Him setting them free and then they sat around and were just “free” in their own little lives. Their freedom required something of them. If they wanted to be free, they had to not only accept the work that God was doing in their lives, but they had to pack up their stuff and actually walk out of the city of their captivity. They had to walk away from that which held them captive. Now, you wouldn’t think that that would be a difficult decision. You might not initially think that walking away from oppression would be something you would actually have to think over, but let’s look at this a different way.

The Egyptians were holding the Israelites captive and treating them like slaves. But what if the Egyptians were holding the Israelites captive but treated them like equals or better? Would the Israelites still recognize their enslavement or would they come to an acceptance and say, “well, that’s just how things are”? It’s easy to recognize enslavement when it’s painful or oppressive. It’s easy to look at slavery and say, “that’s bad and should never happen! We should fight that.”

What if enslavement is somehow masked as something that’s not so bad? What if we are walking around this world, thinking we are completely free, but in actuality are completely enslaved? Only this isn’t any kind of slavery history has ever recognized before. It’s completely unearthly and entirely spiritual. Ephesians 6:12 (NLT) “For weare not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” Our freedom will not be gained by fighting people, or even by “just getting through today”. There are days when we feel like “just getting through” is doing pretty good, thank you very much. But is that the life of freedom Jesus died so that we could have? Of course not! I have a hard time believing that the Savior of the Universe DIED just so we could force ourselves to push through another day! But how do we break this dynamic we have with the world? It’s so easy to just jump on the “God bandwagon” expect to go out and conquer the world and fall flat on our faces. How do we free ourselves from this tether that the world has on us? What’s the plan?

I don’t have any magical answers that will somehow make that light bulb turn on over your head and help you see something you have never seen before. Like Paul said in 1 Timothy 1:15, “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.” Here is what I have found in my spirit to be true. We cannot save ourselves. We cannot free ourselves. We have to let ourselves die. The Bible says, “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Gal 2:20 NLT). Crucified. Dead. No longer living. Powerless. That is what our old lives must become if we expect our new lives in Christ to gain any momentum. We simply cannot go on living our lives as we have been and still expect God to free us from those lives. We have to be willing to walk away from them. Now, we can’t always afford to walk away from our jobs, but we can walk away from the group of gossips around the coffee machine. We can’t always physically walk out of our situation the way the Israelites did, but ask and watch as God provides a place for your spirit to find freedom and rest within your stressful situation. Be willing to be changed, ask, and then watch as God takes a sinner and slave to sin and grants a freedom that no words can express!

Will you have troubles? Of course. Will you struggle on probably a daily basis? Naturally. Will people mock you and treat you badly? Probably. Will you sometimes wonder if this was a good idea? Could be. Will you be alone? Never! In your lowest valley, He is there. On your highest mountaintop, He is with you. On your way from one to the other, He travels by your side.

Romans 8:38-39 (New Living Translation)

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

introversion

2010-06-19T15:36:00.002-04:00

I'm an introvert....

Here's what that means....

· I'm territorial - desire private space and time
· I'm happy to be alone - I can be lonely in a crowd
· I become drained around large groups of people and generally dislike attending parties
· I need time alone to recharge
· I generally prefer to work on my own rather than do group work
· I act cautiously in meeting people
· I'm reserved, quiet, and deliberate
· I typically do not enjoy being the center of attention
· I do not share private thoughts with just anyone
· I form a few deep attachments
· I typically think carefully before speaking (practicing it in my head before I speak)
· I see reflection as very important
· I concentrate well and deeply
· I become absorbed in thoughts and ideas
· I limit my interests but explore deeply
· I communicate best one-on-one
· I get agitated and irritated without enough time alone or undisturbed
· I select activities carefully and thoughtfully

There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, but the extroverts don't always see it that way. They see me as being stuck up and smug or shy and not very bright. Anyone who knows me knows the difference, if they took the time to get to know me. I try to blend in with everyone else and be just as outgoing and easy to talk to as everyone else, but I get tired of that. I get tired of being around people so much, tired of always having to have an answer. And so I take a day off. I still chat with people, but I keep it minimal and I'm careful not to invest too much of myself. Some may see that as selfish but I see it as self-maintenance. I need this time away from people to process things, to let my mind and heart rest from the constant work of giving of myself. Many people do not really understand this need but I'm not worried about them because I know God created me this way for a purpose, for His purpose and I'm not about to tell the Creator of the Universe that He didn't do a fabulous job creating me. :-)

money is the devil

2010-06-14T22:44:00.003-04:00

I hate money. I really do. I hate that I need it to live. Yeah, hate is a strong word and I just used it twice. I officially had my monetary breakdown tonight, even though I feel like I have more tears to shed over this. I'm struggling with a capital UGG. Car payments, rent, bills, gas, food for me and my cats... these things shouldn't dwell in my mind in such a stressful way, but they do. When I leave the job that I love and turn on my car and see the Check Engine light on and realize that there is nothing I can do about it because I can't afford a mechanic, it weighs on me. When I give my cat a bath and accidentally press too hard on one of the three tumors in her belly and cause her pain, I cry because there's nothing I can do about it. When I open my fridge and see the food supply dwindling, I stress because I can't replenish it. When I look at my bank account and see the negative numbers, I worry because I can't change that. I have applied more places than I care to mention and have not received one single job offer. I would never leave the full time job I have now, God created that job for me and I'm good at it. But ends are not meeting and I don't know what to do. And so I stress, I cry, I rob Peter to pay Paul and hope that Mary doesn't realize she didn't get paid this month. I grocery shop in my mother's cabinets and accept every offer of free food that comes along. I have swallowed more pride in the past months than I knew existed within me. I only have one rope and I feel like I've reached the end of it...

The Bible tells me not to be anxious, not to worry. But it's hard not to be anxious when basic needs are two seconds from not being met on such a consistent basis. I don't know how to live life like this. I don't know how to deal with this kind of stress. I would rather work three jobs, have no time for even sleep, than continue to live with this stress. I would rather have no time for myself because I'm literally always working than live like this. I hate struggling. I really do.

A Love Song to My Jesus

2010-04-30T17:12:00.001-04:00

A Love Song to My Jesus

The wind brushing through the trees,

The birds chirping their songs with glee,

Ripples journeying across the water’s surface,

Hazy mountains in the distance,

A crisp, clear sky colored an inspired blue.

A brilliant tribute of blues, browns, and greens.

The humming bird at the feeder,

Two squirrels running along the branches,

A puppy searching for the perfect stick,

Sun shining down on my face.

Praise! Praise the Father! Praise the Son!

Praise the Spirit! Three in one.

Stars twinkle their lights in delight,

The moon sighs a gentle lullaby

Bidding heavy eyelids to rest.

Tides come and go in perfect rhythm,

Hearts beat out life life life.

Motions set to action by a Divine Love.

Humans take time

2010-03-19T12:13:00.005-04:00

We spend a lot of time talking when we pray. We ask for this and that, we spend some time asking God to help others, and then we start asking things either for ourselves or for our own curiosity. Sometimes we ask God questions about what we should do in our lives or what decisions we should make. Sometimes we wait to ask until the decision really needs to be made and we expect God to answer right then! We say that we believe that everything happens in God's time and it certainly does, but when we wait until the decision absolutely needs to be made to ask God what to do, we are not giving Him or ourselves time. Now God does not need time to process things like we do. He always knows what's going to happen and what decision needs to be made, but the "His timing" part comes in with His timing on when to tell us and sometimes it takes longer because we don't listen! One would imagine that when we ask God a question, we would listen for His answer, but that's not always true. We ask questions and wait for the answer we want, not necessarily the answer we need and when we don't get the answer we want, we stop listening. So God has to bring people and circumstances and whatnot to bring us back around to His way of thinking.

Time, humans take time. We are slow and oftentimes stupid creatures and when we deny God time in our lives, we deny Him the power to change our lives. Ecclesiastes 3 says there is a time for everything. A time to be born, to die, to plant, to uproot, to kill, to live, to cry, to laugh, to mourn, to dance, to search, to give up searching.... to sit down and shut up. We hear in our churches to go out and do, to not be afraid, to learn, to grow, to teach, to blah blah blah and there is nothing wrong with any of those things. But when in all of our going and doing are we spending any time with God? When in our ministry are we intentionally communing with the One who sent us out? Jesus hand chose his disciples intentionally, He taught the lessons that He intentionally at each time and each place. He didn't just throw stuff out there hoping that someone in the crowd would get it. He knew each ear that would hear, each mind that would process, and each hand that would rise in action based on His words. We of course cannot know all these things, we're human. But God can and if we spend time with Him, He wants to tell us. To be prepared is to know the Spirit of God in any given situation. Sometimes we honestly do not have that kind of time and that's why God is God and we are not. But God wants to tell you what He's planning, if we will only sit still long enough to listen.

Hypnogaja "Looking Glass"

2010-03-10T09:53:00.003-05:00

There's a place where the garden can take you
Through the looking glass
Find a way with the plants - they can take you
To your path
Chase away all the funny pain
Down the rabbit hole
And another world awaits behind the little door

You can go ask Alice
Just why the hatter is mad

All are welcome in Wonderland
'Till the queen screams off with your head
And life will always get twisted
When you're living it through the looking glass

There's a that cat smiles like
The crescent moon
And the caterpillar that needs a light
On top of his mushroom

You can go ask Alice
Just why the hatter is mad

Next time you see the white rabbit run free
You might not want to follow
Lose your youth, cause beauty is truth
It's just harder to swallow

So go and ask Alice
Why the hatter is mad
She'll turn when you see her
And laugh

The Surrendered Life

2010-03-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

March 8, 2010

The Surrendered Life

I have been crucified with Christ . . . —Galatians 2:20

To become one with Jesus Christ, a person must be willing not only to give up sin, but also to surrender his whole way of looking at things. Being born again by the Spirit of God means that we must first be willing to let go before we can grasp something else. The first thing we must surrender is all of our pretense or deceit. What our Lord wants us to present to Him is not our goodness, honesty, or our efforts to do better, but real solid sin. Actually, that is all He can take from us. And what He gives us in exchange for our sin is real solid righteousness. But we must surrender all pretense that we are anything, and give up all our claims of even being worthy of God’s consideration.

Once we have done that, the Spirit of God will show us what we need to surrender next. Along each step of this process, we will have to give up our claims to our rights to ourselves. Are we willing to surrender our grasp on all that we possess, our desires, and everything else in our lives? Are we ready to be identified with the death of Jesus Christ?

We will suffer a sharp painful disillusionment before we fully surrender. When people really see themselves as the Lord sees them, it is not the terribly offensive sins of the flesh that shock them, but the awful nature of the pride of their own hearts opposing Jesus Christ. When they see themselves in the light of the Lord, the shame, horror, and desperate conviction hit home for them.

If you are faced with the question of whether or not to surrender, make a determination to go on through the crisis, surrendering all that you have and all that you are to Him. And God will then equip you to do all that He requires of you.

Taking the Next Step

2010-03-06T21:04:00.000-05:00

March 6, 2010

Taking the Next Step

. . . in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses —2 Corinthians 6:4

When you have no vision from God, no enthusiasm left in your life, and no one watching and encouraging you, it requires the grace of Almighty God to take the next step in your devotion to Him, in the reading and studying of His Word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him. It takes much more of the grace of God, and a much greater awareness of drawing upon Him, to take that next step, than it does to preach the gospel.

Every Christian must experience the essence of the incarnation by bringing the next step down into flesh-and-blood reality and by working it out with his hands. We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. And the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you. Never allow yourself to think that some tasks are beneath your dignity or too insignificant for you to do, and remind yourself of the example of Christ in John 13:1-17 .

Spring is in the air (I refuse to believe otherwise)

2010-03-05T10:42:00.003-05:00

I know that it's only the beginning of March, but I want spring to be in the air so badly that I refuse to believe that it's going to snow again before summer! Daylight savings time is in a week and I'm really really ready to have some spring in my life! I need the sun on my face, the warm breeze blowing through my hair, and flipflops on my feet! I love shoes of all kinds (I am a woman after all), but in the summer, I wear flipflops and sandals... I'm ready! Toenails are painted and ready to go!

Dear God, can it be spring now?

Her terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

2010-03-04T15:18:00.000-05:00

John 8:1-11 (New International Version)

1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

11"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Craig preached on this tonight at Rhythm (12/10/09) and made some fantastic points, one of which is that this story is not about the woman, that she was just a tool that the Pharisees used to try to get Jesus. And he’s right. But nothing in Scripture is wasted and so I would like to take a minute or two and talk about the woman.

Have you ever had that horrible dream where you are in some very public place like church or school or work and you are completely naked? Not a stitch of clothing on you and there is nothing that you can do about it! Some people are shocked at the sight of you and turn their heads or cover their husband’s or child’s eyes. Some people are mortified for you and shoot you looks of pity as they pass by, but never offer you any assistance. Some people are insulted as if your nakedness is a personal assault on them. And some people just laugh. Well, this woman’s worst nightmare came true. But not just in front of any person, but instead in front of a large crowd of people, in front of the religious leaders of her day, and in front of Jesus Himself! And not only was her worst nightmare coming true, it was coming true to get at someone else! Her worst nightmare was being used as a tool to try to catch an innocent man! If this woman didn’t know what it felt like to be used before, she sure knew now. Did she even realize that she was being used? And if she did, did that compound the hurt? Show me a woman who claims to have never felt used in her whole life and I will show you a liar. We’ve all felt it at some point or other, even if sometimes we don’t realize it until after the fact.

As Craig preached, I started to wonder about this woman standing there. Was she even dressed? Did they drag her out of whoever’s bed she was in and not even let her get dressed or even drag a sheet with her? Was the humiliation of being caught in the act compounded by her being naked? I don’t know but for her sake I hope she was able to get some clothes on before they flung her in front of Jesus. The Bible says that they made her “stand” in front of the crowd. Was her head hung down? Was she wringing her hands? Was she trying to cover her nakedness? And what was she thinking? Was she bargaining with God? “God, if You get me out of this, I promise that I’ll live for You!” Or was she pleading with God to spare her with the only two words she could manage, “oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God….” Were her arms wrapped around her middle as she slightly rocked back and forth, just waiting for the first stone to fly? Or did she just want to die and get it over with? After all, we don’t know why she was committing adultery. We assume it was her choice, but since this story isn’t really about her, we’re not told her whole story.

We know that she was humiliated and her life was on the line. The stones were ready to fly right at her to kill her. But wait, no one’s throwing anything. The men who are accusing her are all looking at this other man, waiting for Him to cast judgment on her, as if waiting for His signal to let the stones fly. But He’s just drawing in the sand….. What the heck?

This poor woman! I have had some pretty bad days, but nothing I could ever go through in my lifetime could equal her terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day on that day. But little did she know that from this humiliation would come her salvation. Yes, to stand naked in front of this large crowd, all the religious leaders, and God Himself would be the ultimate humiliation. But we stand naked before God all the time; He knows everything about us, about our lives, about our hopes and dreams, and about our failures. And yet, He loves us. Even with the full knowledge of every single one of our faults, He died for us. His grace is sufficient. It was sufficient for this woman then and it is sufficient for us now and always.

Today was my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and I can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my life was NEVER on the line today. No one was trying to kill me and no one was trying to use me to get an innocent man.

When Jesus told to woman to go and leave her life of sin, I wonder if she cried… again… or more because I’m sure she had to have been crying the whole time she was standing there. I wonder if she was so relieved to still be alive that her knees gave away and she fell to the ground at Jesus’ feet. There are so many things I wonder about in this story, but one thing I do not wonder about and that is grace. It’s perfectly displayed here by Jesus.

“Grace. Grace. God’s grace. Grace that will pardon and cleanse within. Grace. Grace. God’s grace. Grace that is greater than all our sin.”

shattered by the fall...

2010-02-18T11:19:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, more often than not lately, I sit at my new job, look around at the people working, the people actually doing ministry and thoughts come into my head about how I'm not actually doing ministry. What is my ministry anyway? I sit here and jump up whenever someone actually needs something? What good am I really? I get people drinks, I close the door to keep the cold out, I file stuff, I put things in folders. What good am I? I apparently can't cut straight even when I have a cutter. I'm trying not to feel useless, but I'm not really doing very much. I know that I'm capable of more but what am I doing now? Do I need to be doing something now besides reading, getting to know the staff, and loving on them? Is that my only ministry? Can I handle more or am I just not ready yet?

These thoughts are not healthy.....

This song is healthy....

Carried To The Table :

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

A new beginning

2010-01-30T17:45:00.003-05:00

It's hard to imagine that something that I've been waiting for for what seems like a lifetime has finally arrived! The reality is that I have only been waiting for this to happen since May 2009, but it feels like much longer. Last Friday, January 29th 2010, was my last day working at Automated Horizons, Inc. After working there for two years in various jobs and learning a lot about computers (and lawyers), I'm done. It was an interesting time for me, an in-between time of doing something, but not what I really wanted to be doing.

Behold the power of specific prayer and praying in God's will: This summer I prayed for a house to live in and a job in a church. I asked specifically if my good friend Lewis could buy a house and rent it to me. I asked specifically if I could be the secretary of a church. Ladies and Germs, both of those things have happened!! Lewis bought the house that he now rents to me and two other wonderful Godly Women (SWOGs) and on Monday I start my new job as secretary to Genesis Community Church! It's hard to imagine getting something that you pray for, not because of a lack of faith, but just because when we do get our prayers answered, most of the time we are so busy being happy about it that we forget that this was something we actually prayed for! People are dumb sometimes. :-)

Another thing I would never have imagined (and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it) is the thought of staying in Roanoke, Va for this long! This was clearly not my choice. I had grand schemes of going off to the UK and not coming back for a long time. Not because I wanted to get away from anything or anyone, but just to go off and "have my own adventure". The idea of staying here just didn't really appeal to me at all. It started to feel like such a "small town" with small minded people with bad grammar. But God has given me a home here, a place to belong, a family, a community of believers that I love dearly (even though I don't know all of their names yet). I would never have imagined this!

And now for something completely different:

There are some people in my life who are desperately praying for God's will in their lives, and it feels like He's taking His time answering. But know this, God does what God wants and it is always for our good and His glory. God is not going to set you up to fail, it's not how He works! God is love, but He is also wisdom. It's easy to think that God's love is like a huge umbrella that covers us from all trouble and we can just go on our way thinking that it doesn't matter what we do because God's love has us covered. Or that His love makes Him just a little blind to our faults. God's love is not a get out of jail free card. No, my friend, believe me when I say that He sees every single one of our faults and loves us anyway but that does not mean that He doesn't desire to see something given in return. His love is a gift, a free gift. There are many verses to back that up. But shouldn't such a powerful gift, if we have truly accepted it, make a change in us? If we truly love God in response to His love for us, shouldn't we have a desire to please Him with our lives? When people do something incredibly nice for us, do we not want to reciprocate? Of course we do! Well, God allowed His only Son to die a horrible death; what shall our response be?

living the cliche

2009-12-17T15:52:00.001-05:00

Music brings back memories nearly as quickly as smells do. The Decemberists’ “Picaresque”. When I first got this record over two years ago, it was during the spring. J—told me I would like it, he was right of course. He always knew what kind of music would speak to me. I would listen to it on my tiny iPod and sit on the tiny balcony and smoke. If it was evening, a beer would be involved as well. During that summer, I would listen to it with my feet propped up on the rail, trying desperately to get a little sun on my extreme paleness.

It was a strange time where all I had to do was go to work (no summer classes) and come home again. It was also strange because of how I had peopled my life. I had friends, good ones, not-so-good ones, ambivalent ones, drunken ones, sober ones, smelly ones, and highly caffeinated ones. My friends were always good for a beer, smoke, or faux hawk. On some level, I miss the easy camaraderie that we had. There were times we just sat there, didn’t say anything or do anything, just sat and existed near each other. Sometime we would talk. R— and I would talk Foucault or Nietzsche, J—and I would talk Shakespeare and other classics, Je—and I would talk writing our own stories or dealing with abusive men, B—would tell funny stories and play on the floor like a cat, chasing his cell around refusing to use his thumbs. We were very existential. J—and B—would get out their guitars and mandolins and play and sing. Je—and I listened. That was our life. That is still their life.

But now, listening to this music, allowing it to take me back to that time of existence (for existing was all we were really good at), I have decided that moving on is best. It was good for a time, and perhaps it was a needed time of little responsibility or at least little acknowledgement of responsibility. But I’ve moved on. I haven’t had a beer in longer than I can remember. I haven’t smoked in even longer. And I hadn’t listened to this record in at least a year.

“16 Military Wives”, “From My Own True Love (Lost at Sea)”, “The Engine Driver”, and “The Mariner’s Revenge Song” all trigger something in my brain that takes me back to that balcony on a lazy, summer, Salem day. The smells of fresh air, cigarette smoke, and J—‘s hair gel holding up his faux hawk. The sights of the sunny courtyard of our apartment building and the wiry maintenance man trudging down the sidewalk puffing on the weed dangling from his barely-there teeth. The feel of the warm sun on my extremely pale feet and the breeze just slight enough to move our cigarette smoke along. The sounds of birds in the bush under the balcony, Re—playing unidentifiable music in his apartment next to the balcony, and Mo the Cat trying to catch the aforementioned birds through the screen of the kitchen window and getting frustrated. The stale tastes of cigarettes, coffee, and beer mingled with just a hint of cinnamon toothpaste.

Yes, music brings back memories nearly as quickly as smells do.

thoughts on this evening...

2009-10-25T23:40:00.001-04:00

Sometimes we women get so used to “handling it” that we forget the Almighty God who wants to handle things for us. He wants to take the world off of our shoulders so we can go through the day without a headache! The only catch is that we have to let go of the world before He can take it. We have to willingly give it to Him and not try to take it back. There’s the rub. Some of the strongest women I know have gained their strength because they have not had someone stronger than them in their lives to help relieve the burdens they have carried and as a result they have trouble giving their own burdens to God and letting Him keep them.

I was speaking with a friend that has the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her job is demanding, her living situation is very demanding, and her family is currently going through more than one crisis. She is so stressed that her body is physically sick. She is very close to becoming angry and bitter at God. At one point, she questioned God for giving her too much to handle at one time. And don’t all women do that at some point? Do we not all try to tell God how much we can and cannot handle and how dare He cross that line and give us too much? Of course we do, whether we admit or not, we do, we have, and we will.

A few years ago, I was told that I had “grit” and that time the only thought that came to mind was a John Wayne movie called “True Grit” but I had idea what it was about. I still have no idea what that movie is about, but I have a few thoughts on the word “grit” and whether or not it’s a good thing. At the time it was said to me, I was a little insulted because, in my girlishness, I was hoping for something a little more flattering. But now I see things a little differently.

“Grit” from a thesaurus “courage, bravery, pluck, mettle, backbone, spirit, strength of character, strength of will, moral fiber, steel, nerve, fortitude, toughness, hardiness, resolve, resolution, determination, tenacity, perseverance, endurance.” These are nice things to have as they have come in very handy when dealing with certain aspects of my life, but they have also been a hindrance because I start to think that I can handle things better than God. Now, I don’t go around saying that I can handle things better than God, that would just be crazy. But every time I try to handle something without consulting Him, without letting Him be the leader, without having His guidance, without giving it to Him, I’m basically telling Him that I can do it better than He can.

Yes, women are strong. We have to be. Coming from a military family, I have seen and see daily how women are strong for their husbands, how women support their husbands. In my experience, the supporter must be as strong or stronger than the supported. Yes, men are physically stronger, and in a battle of the sexes, men might win. And yes, this is a battle, but not of the sexes, but for the sexes! As Christian men and women, our struggle is not against each other, but we fight side by side against “principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Eph 6:12 NKJV). God made men and women to work together, to work in harmony with each other against the evil powers of this world. But two are better than one only if God has put those together. We women sometimes have to hard time being alone, which is ironic when you stop to consider who strong we are. Society has made us feel incomplete if we are not married or with at least with someone. A single woman in her thirties is nearing “old maid” status and should probably invest in at least two cats if you follow society’s philosophy on the subject… unless of course, you are a career woman, and then it’s okay to be single as long as you plan on getting married at some point in your life.

Ladies, society has lied to you! We have spent too much of our lives watching Walt Disney’s ideas on love, Prince Charming, and a heroine with perfect hair, that we have forgotten God’s reality! God has a plan for your life, a plan that you have been carefully crafted by His hands to accomplish and everything in your life, all the weights you have carried over the years are for that plan! The daily headaches I struggle with make my compassion for the pains of others skyrocket because I have a special, very personal understanding of what that pain really feels like. And when the pain gets so bad my eyes can’t focus anymore, I have to stop, pray for strength and wisdom, and continue on with the plan in the full knowledge that God is working through me because my strength is completely gone. Sometimes, we have to get to that point before we learn the lesson on how to give things to God and let Him keep them. It’s not that God enjoys laying more and more on our shoulders, it’s that He understands that we have been built to hold so much, that we have to be broken by the weight before we remember to give things to Him. It is sad that it has to happen that way and I wish it were not so, but we are stubborn people with stubborn souls and He is a patient God who only wants the best for us. In our weakness, He is at His strongest because it is when we are weak that we rely most on Him. Would that we were weak all the time! I wish I had never been told that I had grit! I wish I never realized my own strength so that I would have always relied on God for everything! But pride rarely fails to step in and tell me that I can handle it on my own.

Sisters (and brothers too) we are not made to handle things alone! We are made to give things to God and let Him work through us. What are you still holding on to that you know God wants? In order for you grasp all the good things that God has for you, you have to empty your hands of all the things you are holding onto. Release your grasp on the stresses, the worries, the fears, and even the joys. Give them all to God and be ready to be amazed at the gifts He gives you in return. Who else would give you a blessing for giving Him a burden? God wants your burdens as much as any parent wants to relieve their child of hurtful things. Let God have it and you’ll be amazed at the blessings that He pours into you that you never knew you always wanted and needed!

Friend, I love you and God loves you, both more than you know.

Fact or Fiction?

2009-09-24T09:43:00.003-04:00

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. (1 Peter 3:15, NIV)

There is a tale told of that great English actor Macready. An eminent preacher once said to him: "I wish you would explain to me something."

"Well, what is it? I don't know that I can explain anything to a preacher."

"What is the reason for the difference between you and me?" The preacher asked. "You are appearing before crowds night after night with fiction, and the crowds come wherever you go. I am preaching the essential and unchangeable truth, and I am not getting any crowd at all."

Macready's answer was this: "This is quite simple. I can tell you the difference between us. I present my fiction as though it were truth; you present your truth as though it were fiction."

Zinger, huh? Sure does challenge my faith-o-meter. J This story both motivates and cautions me. Frankly, Christians embarrass the cause of Christ all the time. It's vital that we be confident in the message of hope we cling to as believers in Jesus, but it's equally vital that we be prepared to share truth in love - share Scripture in proper context - share our hears with meekness and fear for the purpose of attracting others to the restoring love of Christ. We don't need to be Bible scholars with capital letters following our names...but we do need to be Bible girls!

I don't need to harp on the fact that there's a great moral decline in the world. We see that coming and going! As a community of Christ followers in this valley, let's commit ourselves to making a difference in the lives of others, in our homes, among our friends, in our communities, and in this world! To do this, we need to know our Bibles. To think through current issues. We must be prepared to share how we've been changed by the love of God through His Son, Jesus Christ. It's the great commission, and it's for each of us...not for the perfect among us. People around us need to know that God is still in the restoration business - and that He longs to bring His peace, hope and love to every life.

Look at the apostle Paul. He was prepared to speak about Christ wherever he went. In the New Testament book of Acts, we learn that, "from morning 'til evening he explained and declared to them the kingdom of God and tried to convince them about Jesus from the Law of Moses and from the Prophets." (Acts 28:23b, NIV)

The life-changing, peace-giving, truth we know needs to be presented to the world as life-changing, peace-giving truth! Get in His Word - get in His presence - and look for opportunities to share God's love as truth with confidence!

2 Timothy 1:12: "Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed..." Can you say that and mean that?

Are you prepared to give an answer for the hope you have?

Have you been changed by God's grace? Held by His love? Grab your journal and write a paragraph or two that describes how God has worked in your life.

What a weekend!

2009-08-25T09:02:00.003-04:00

Okay, so here’s the scoop on what happened this weekend. This has already been an emotional week for me because I had to say goodbye to Jonesy (my foster brother of two years that is being adopted) last night and we had Genesis Prayer meeting last night too. But I digress….

Saturday morning, God woke me up at 4am and I knew that I needed to read my friend Lewis’s facebook (See, God does use facebook!). I got to his page and saw a status and a post that had been put up nearly an hour ago (3am). The status said, “Scum of the earth, refuse of the world, put on display at the end of the procession. Whipped, beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, jailed, burned, sawed in half, beheaded and crucified. Hungry, tired, lonely, crushed, mocked and doubted. Paul took the lash 195 times, Peter was nailed upside-down, John lost his head, Steven was crushed by rocks. The name of Jesus, properly spoken, should silence a room, if only for these.” Even though I wasn’t speaking out loud, my room went silent and it was… Supernatural.

I then read the post,

“Dear Sin Nature,

If I believe that the Bible is true (Romans 6-8), then you are SO DEAD.

YOU'RE DEADER THAN DEAD; YOU'RE SUPER-DEAD.

IF I have been born again, that is saved by the risen son of God, then you are DEAD.

DEAD MEANS NOT ALIVE, AKA NO LONGER ACTIVE OR VALID.

THANKS ANYWAY, GOOD TRY, BUT YOU = FAIL.

When I act as though you are still alive, I am gravely (haha, pun) mistaken. It’s like being in a jail cell that is unlocked. I am, in reality, not a prisoner anymore. The choice to function as one is mine, not yours, because you’re DEAD.

Yes, it is easier to do what I already know, but this is not what Jesus is asking me to do. I am being transformed, my mind is being renewed by the word of God and He is UNCONDITIONALLY committed to the process that makes me more like Him. Not you. You’re dead.

My most insincere regards to your rotting corpse, thanks for all the pain, doubt and suffering you caused,

Lewis Kleiner, new creature, alive in Christ.”

God used this to help me see that I was still standing in my cell, my prison, even though the door was wide open! It didn’t matter who made the prison, how it was formed, or why I stayed in it for so long; all that was forgiven and forgotten so that I could come out of it knowing that God led the way for me, all I had to do was follow Him. In the silence of my room, God held out His perfect hand to me and bid me to take it and let Him lead me out of my prison. It literally didn’t matter if I built the prison or if I just let myself be caught up in someone else’s prison, it was all forgiven and the door was flung open. I took His hand and wondered how I had stayed there for so long.

I processed this all weekend amidst all the things going on with Jonesy leaving and Keri and I looking for a new place to live… it’s been a busy weekend and this week is looking to be much the same. But God has been so good to me through it all, giving me extra strength for the day and then letting me rest at home, to play and talk with some beloved friends, and praise in church (can we just talk about how God spoke through the worship on Sunday? wow.) and letting me know that it’s okay that I’m still processing it even now! God knows that my brain has not caught up with my heart and it may not ever catch up, and that's okay. I don't need to be able to wrap my mind around what God has done in my life in order to accept it.

Last night, in prayer meeting, I'm sure we were supposed to be praying about something specific, but God had a grip on my heart and showed me in my mind's eye the cell that I have been living in. He showed me three solid walls and on open cage door. He walked into the cell, turned and looked at me with love shining out of His eyes, and then he raised His pierced hands and blew all four walls to pieces! Never again shall I live in that dirty cell when I can fly with Jesus!!

when i think about the Lord
how He saved me, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost
how He healed me to the uttermost
when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up
turned me around
how He set my feet
on solid ground

it makes me want to shout
hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!
Hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!

Phil 3:12-16
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

Questions? Comments?

to know His voice

2009-08-17T08:49:00.002-04:00

I have lived with my roommate for only a few months, but I already know her. I know her voice, her quirks, the things she struggles with, the people she loves and respects, her tendencies and habits. Her character, her personality, her ways. I have a few other friends that I know in the same way: their character, personality, how they think, and even sometimes what they think. Some people I can read as if they were an open book to me. Others I can read like a VCR manual, I understand the words, but the way they are put together doesn't make much sense.

The same is true about my relationship with God. Over the years, I have learned to hear His voice, to recognize His touch, and to understand some basic truths of who He is.

There are so many revelations of God in His Word. The Bible boasts of His greatness, glory, honor, and character. We know that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb 13:8), that God's grace is sufficient for every repentant heart, and that His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). We know that His name is above all other names (Philippians 2:9), that there is no other like Him (Jeremiah 10:6), and that His wisdom holds secrets that are hidden from before time began (I Corinthians 2:7). And for as much as we know about the LORD, our knowledge of Him is but a fraction of a grain of sand as held up to all the beaches on earth.

Though He is the mysterious master Creator who hung each star in the sky and calls them by name, He wants us to love Him, to trust Him, to know Him, and to worship Him. That thought alone sets my mind to wonder! God invites us to participate with Him in a vibrant dance of abundant life through His Son, Jesus Christ. Our amazing Heavenly Father bids each and every one of us to come to Him with questions, to be held by His love, to find peace, hope, and healing in His Son. He calls us to seek Him through prayer and to experience new revelations of Him through His Word and through the Holy Spirit.

The voice of all of creation shouts His praise! I encourage you to pause in this moment to consider Him...to respond to Him...to meditate on His glorious splendor. As you do, He will increasingly become the all-satisfying desire of your heart, while at the same time, He will stir up a hunger in your soul to know Him even more.

The dream

2009-08-14T08:30:00.003-04:00

Last night I had a dream.

Rhythm was doing a service project in South East Roanoke and I had arrived a little late. As I walked up to get some instructions on what I should be doing, Thomas Frankie grabbed a box of tissues and told me to follow him, Craig had something he needed me to do. He took off running around a few dilapidated buildings until we were standing in a parking lot sized pile of mud. Craig was there, looking down at something buried in the mud. As I walked closer, I realized that he was talking to someone who was buried in the mud from head to toe and as I drew closer, I realized that it was a woman with only her face, hands, and feet showing through the now drying mud.

Craig stood up and looked at me, pointed down to her, and said "Talk to her. She needs to talk to you." I knelt down in the mud next to her, being careful to not kneel on any part of her buried body, pressed a tissue into her hand and said, "I'm Shanna." The woman instantly began to sob and tell me her story.

She told me that she once had a good life. She was a wife, a mother, and an active woman in her community. She helped everyone who needed it without a thought about herself. But then an accident happened and all the bones in her feet were crushed and the bottom half of her legs were horribly mangled. I looked down at her feet and realized that they were crumpled, broken, and still bleeding. She said the accident happened in the very same spot she was laying and because no one helped her, she had to stay in that spot and the bleeding never stopped. The entire lower half of her body was now covered in blood and mud. She continued to talk to me, her tears making crooked paths through the mud on her face, about how all she wanted was to be clean, all she wanted was to wash the mud off.

I woke up before the conversation ended, before I saw in the dream what I did to help her, but I don't think my helping her was really the point of the dream. I'm no Joseph, but God spoke to me very clearly through this dream.

"Am I the woman?" I asked Him.

"Only if you chose to be."

Count to Eight (Woe, Be Gone)

2009-08-11T10:22:00.001-04:00

by Max Lucado

"We have here only five loaves and two fish." (Matt. 14:17)

How do you suppose Jesus felt about the basket inventory? Any chance he might have wanted them to include the rest of the possibilities? Involve all the options? Do you think he was hoping someone might count to eight?

"Well, let's see. We have five loaves, two fish...and Jesus!" Jesus Christ. The same Jesus who told us:

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (Luke 11:19 NIV)

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. (John 15:7 NIV)

What ever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. (Mark 11:24 NIV)

Standing next to the disciples was the solution to their problems...but they didn't go to him. They stopped their count at seven and worried.

What about you? Are you counting to seven, or to eight?

Here are eight worry stoppers to expand your tally:

Pray, first. "Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him...(I Peter 5:7 AMP)

Easy now. Slow down. "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him (Ps. 37:7).

Act on it. The moment a concern surfaces, deal with it. Don't dwell on it. Head off worries before they get the best of you. Be a doer, not a stewer.

Compile a worry list. Over a period of days record your anxious thoughts. Then review them. How many of them turned into a reality?

Evaluate your worry categories. Detect recurring areas of preoccupation that may become obsessions. Pray specifically about them.

Focus on today. God meets daily needs daily. He will give you what you need when it is needed.

Unleash a worry army. Share your feelings with a few loved ones. Ask them to pray with and for you.

Let God be enough. "Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." (Matt. 6:32-33 NLT).

Eight steps. Pray, first. Easy, now. Act on it. Compile a worry list.Evaluate your worry categories. Focus on today. Unleash a worry army. Let God be enough.

P-E-A-C-E-F-U-L

From
Fearless
© (Thomas Nelson, 2009),
Max Lucado

Satan's Plan

2009-07-23T09:25:00.001-04:00

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (NIV).

George Thomas, a pastor in a small New England town, came to church one Easter Sunday morning carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak.

"I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the boy and asked, "What do you have there, son?"

"Just some old birds," came the reply.

"What are you going to do with them?" I asked.

"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered. "I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time."

"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do then?"

"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll let the cats have them."

The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much do you want for those birds, son?"

"Huh? Why, you don't want those birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing and they ain't even pretty!"

"How much?" the pastor asked again.

The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, "I'll take ten dollars!"

The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill and placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone. The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free.

Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story. One day, Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap by using bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got them all!"

"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.

Satan replied, "Oh, I'm going to have fun! I'll teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'll teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really going to have fun!"

"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked.

"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.

"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.

"Oh, you don't want those people. They are no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!"

"How much?" Jesus asked again. Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life." Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.

The pastor then picked up the cage, opened the door and walked from the pulpit.

Today, my friend, consider the price Jesus Christ paid for you. Go back to the Cross - to Calvary and the darkness that once filled your world. Remember what it was like before Jesus Christ came into your life with His presence and power. We forget. We lose sight of where we were when He came and just how far He has brought us.

Today is a good day to go back over the books and celebrate! Celebrate an undeserved and stubborn love that has radically changed our lives for eternity. Celebrate a forgiveness that covers every sin and shame. Celebrate a hope that is found only in a crucified and risen Lord!

Father, thank You for paying the price for my sin and for taking my place on the cross. Your forgiveness has changed my life and Your love has set me free. I don't understand why You would choose to love me like You do, but I celebrate that love today, Lord. Forgive me when I take Your love for granted and help me share it with others - for Your glory.

Make a list of five things God has done in your life in the last month.
Take the time to re-visit those blessings and examine the way(s) they have changed your life.
Set aside time to celebrate God's power and presence at work in your life.
Invite a few friends to join you for the party! Let each person share the good things God has done for them as well.

Rest in God

2009-07-21T09:30:00.000-04:00

by Mary Southerland

Today's Truth
Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV) "Come to me all you are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Friend To Friend
We live in uncertain times. Where do we turn for rest, for hope, for peace and stability? Jesus offers rest and hope and the promise of a better tomorrow. How can we experience the peace and rest God so freely offers?

Admit your need for rest. Many of us have bought into the lie that who we are is based on what we do or don't do. We fill every waking moment with something or someone in order to prove our worth. After all, we must be worthy if we are doing worthy things, right? Busyness does not always equal productivity. When we admit our need to rest, we are acknowledging the fact that we are imperfect and that our human power if limited. We need to rest in Him.
Turn to Jesus to find rest. Recreation is anything you enjoy doing while relaxation is any activity that slows you down. Restoration is an inside job and can only be found in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We once had an Australian cattle dog named Dallas. Australian cattle dogs are extremely loyal to a master of their choice. Dallas chose our son, Jered, to be his master. When Jered came home from school each day, Dallas would greet him at the door and follow him wherever he went. If Jered was doing homework in his room, Dallas would find a spot under Jered's desk and lay down. If our son was working in the garage, Dallas was with him. When Jered ran an errand, Dallas went for a ride. Dallas knew that the only place he would find rest was at the feet of his master. The same is true in our life.
Lay your stuff at Jesus' feet. The number one stress in your life is the burden you have assumed that is not yours to carry. Exhaustion comes when we fail to take on a responsibility God never intended us to bear. The twin of exhaustion is emptiness which comes when we fail to take on a responsibility God does intend us to take on. God empowers His plan and agenda for our life. When we step outside of that plan, we are stepping into our own power and depending on our own strength, both of which will soon be depleted.
Realize you are not alone. For years, our family vacationed in the mountains of North Carolina in order to escape the brutal heat of South Florida where we lived. We all had our favorite thing to do while on vacation. Dan loved to read and take long walks in the cool, green forests. The kids loved wading in creeks, looking for "gold." My favorite activity was shopping for antiques. Now let me define "antiques" and "antique stores" according to Mary. The best stores were nestled in the mountains on some remote dirt road and the "antiques" were what most people would call junk. One year, I walked into a shop and stopped in my tracks when I saw the yoke. One of my husband's favorite passages of scripture is Matthew 11:28-30 where Jesus says, "Take my yoke upon you ... and you will find rest for your souls." For years, I searched for just the right yoke to give Dan as a special gift. It seemed that every yoke I found was either too big or too small and in less than stellar condition. The yoke before me was in perfect condition and was just the right size and price. Upon closer inspection, my excitement faded.

Yokes have two loops of leather or wood attached to a sturdy wooden frame. Two working animals wore the loops around their necks in order to bear whatever load they were given. The loops on this particular yoke were not the same size - one larger than the other. When I pointed out the flaw, the shop owner said, "It is supposed to be made like that. The stronger animal is placed in the larger loop to help the weaker animal pull the load. A shared load is a lighter load. Rest is found in a personal relationship with God and with others.

Are you tired and exhausted from trying to live life on your own? Come to Jesus - just as you are. Find rest in Him.

Let's Pray
Father, thank You for the rest you promise to give when I come to You. It seems like I am always tired and every step is hard. Please forgive me when I turn to You as a last resort instead of running to you first. Today, I turn to You, Lord, for rest.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Read Genesis 2:2. How does this verse apply to your life?
Read Lamentations 5:5. How does rest apply to the difficult people in your life?
Read Job 33:26. Notice every "action" word in this verse. What does God promise when we choose to apply the steps He outlines in this verse?
Identify the areas of unrest in your life. Bring them to God in prayer and seek rest in Him.

My cousin is on his way to Afghanistan

2009-07-20T09:00:00.004-04:00

My cousin Jonathan (the one in the back) is a United States Marine Helicopter Pilot (My other cousin, Jason, standing in front is in the Marine Reserves). On July 13th he send out a mass email informing all of us that he and his squad were being deployed to Afghanistan. This is his first deployment away from his family. He has been stationed on the base in Hawaii for the past two years and his wife and two children went with him, but now he is on his way to Afghanistan.
He is a strong Christian man and the lay minister to his squad. Here is the email I received on Sunday morning before I went to church:

Hello All,
I appreciate all of your prayers so far because I have definitely felt them. It has been a very long trip so far. We have crossed 16 time zones (yes, instead of flying the other way and crossing 8 time zones) and I spent over 27 hours on a plane over a few days. It was especially exhausting because lucky me got to sit in the middle seat and had two guys on each side from Baltimore to here. Currently, I am sitting in Kyrgyzistan (yeah, I couldn't find it on a map either until yesterday) at the Transient Base for armed forces going into Afghanistan. I will not be here very much longer, but it was nice to sleep in a bed instead of watching the sun come up three times on a plane over four days.

The best part of the trip so far has been feeling God's presence. The base has a chapel and I went to the contemporary worship service this morning. Most of you will probably read this after your own Sunday morning worship service, but I will tell you that I would not trade the experience I had this morning for any service. It was a simple yet powerful reminder of the sovereignty and the size of the God that we serve. Even at the foothills of the Himalayas at a remote base in the middle of Asia, I felt the powerful presence of God from the first note that we sang. God is so much bigger than our home church. He is so much bigger than the community and the country we live in. He is so much bigger than this war and He is so much bigger than the universe that we live in. I am fairly certain that I have spoken those very same words so many times, but today I really felt those words in a powerful new way.

As you can probably guess, it gets fairly hot in the area that I will be flying so I wear a camouflage bandanna underneath my flight helmet that was given to me years ago. On that bandanna I have Psalm 91 and I wanted to share one of those verses that already has brought me comfort.

⁹ If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

¹⁰ then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

Stay in your fight and I will stay in mine.

-Jonathan

Please pray for Jonathan and his squad! I love my family very much and pray for their safety daily.

God is...

2009-07-17T13:33:00.001-04:00

Elohim - strong One, divine (Genesis 1:1)

Adonai - Lord, indicating a Master-to-servant relationship (Exodus 4:10, 13)

El Elyon - Most High, the strongest One (Genesis 14:20)

El Roi - the strong One who sees (Genesis 16:13)

El Shaddai - Almighty God (Genesis 17:1)

El Olam - Everlasting God (Isaiah 40:28)

Yahweh - LORD “I Am,” meaning the eternal self-existent God (Exodus 3:13, 14).

I am...

2009-07-17T13:26:00.002-04:00

...a daughter, a sister, a grand-daughter, a niece, a cousin, and a friend.
I am a partner, a student, a young girl, and a grown woman.
I am confident and scared; terrified and excited.
I am loving and caring and thoughtful and hopeful.
I am sick and tired.
I am shy and friendly.
I am careful and careless.
I am broken and whole.
I am misunderstood, misguided, and mislead.
I am hard working and determined, but a little scared on the inside.
I wish on stars and dream my dreams.
I pray to God and cry my tears.
I smile on the outside while I am crying on the inside.
I listen to others who wont listen to me.
I walk on eggshells and I walk on fire.
I believe in passion and true love.
I love you and I push you away.
I want you but not too close.
I am everything and nothing all at once and all i want is...

to stop being a contradiction

.

where have I been all week??

2009-07-16T13:36:00.002-04:00

New job- more stressful than the last one, but I know that if I stay as close to God as possible, it will be a Jospeh experience.

Money issues- who doesn't have them!?

Life- um... not sure I really have one right now, but whatever I have is close enough to one that I'm not missing the real life... whatever that is.

Now, here's something worth reading:

Psalm 139:14-16 "I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well. You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother's body. When I was put together there, you saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old" (NCV).

What joy for the nation whose God is the Lord, whose people he has chosen as his inheritance. Psalm 33:12, NLT

A cheerful look brings joy to the heart; good news makes for good health. Proverbs 15:30, NLT

God is... I am... why should I.... how can I?

2009-07-09T11:08:00.002-04:00

Psalm 19:7-11

"The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.

⁸ The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.

⁹ The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.

¹⁰ They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.

¹¹ By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward."

These verses mean so much to me right now!In God teaching me about true intimacy with Him, these verses are showing me who God is, what He wants to do with my life, how I can let Him, and why I should let Him.

What/who God is:

Perfect
trustworthy
right
clear
pure
true

What He wants to do with me:

revive my soul
make me wise
bring my heart joy
give me insight
give me a great reward (heaven!)

Why should I let Him do these things in me:

He is forever
He is fair
He is more desirable than gold
He is sweeter than honey
He warns me because He loves me

How can I allow this to happen:

Obedience to Him and His word

If I'm going to get more intimate with God and get to a place where I can pour into others from a never ending wellspring of His love, joy, peace, and energy, then I'm going to need to learn these things... and quickly! God knew that I would need this summer to deal with these things because when the fall hits, it's going to be too busy for me to give this the focus and attention it deserves.

On another note, I've been drawing more and more lately. It's been very therapeutic.

now is the winter of our discontent...

2009-07-06T13:12:00.002-04:00

I'm finding myself discontent lately. I didn't know it was happening until recently. I knew something was a little... disconnected, but I didn't know what or why. Now I know. Even though I'm surrounded by friends, family, and people that love me very much, I find myself discontent with the state of my life. Quite frankly, it's a little lonely.

But why? Because I'm not married? Because I'm not in the stage of life I think I should be in? Because I might secretly blame God for keeping me in one place too long and that's apparently a bad thing? Or because I blame myself, as if I had the choice to move on to the next stage of life and I passed it up?

E: All of the above.

I want to be married and I'm not. That's that. I see people who are the next stage of life and I want to be there. I'm tired of the problems that come with my current stage and I'm ready for new challenges. Yes, I do blame God. He's in control, isn't He? This is His show after all. And yes, I blame myself. I've had two distinct opportunities to move on to the next stage of life and I didn't.

But here's the thing about all that: if I'm not faithful with what I have been given in this stage, I won't be given anything new. If I'm not content with God in my current stage of life, I'm not going to be content in the next stage. Yes, God is in control, and He's a lot wiser than I am and He knows that moving me too quickly through life isn't going to turn out well for me. The decisions I've made in the past, I made after consulting a wise counsel and had a peace about them. Blaming myself now for making the right decisions then just seems silly, but you just saw me do it a paragraph ago.

The point is this: we, as humans, are pretty much stupid when it comes to what is best for us. Yeah, we make a right decision every now and then, but statistically, we're not good at running our own lives.

While I have been searching for contentment, the thought of asking God for it hadn't really entered my mind until today. I mean, praying for God to help me be content in Him... it just seems kinda wrong. Shouldn't my own contentment be something I can handle on my own? No, that's the point! We can't handle it! Something as huge as our own contentment, we cannot, nor should we try, to handle!

Here's what David said about it:

Psalm 62:5-8

⁵ Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. ⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. ⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. ⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

David pretty much ordered his own soul to find its rest in God and then told it why God was worthy. David then moves from his own soul to all his peoples souls. Basically, David says "do this, because God will never let you fall." Is that a good enough reason to find my contentment in God? Simply because He's trustworthy? I can honestly say that I have tried to find my contentment in things other than God and have ended up very disappointed and discontent with myself and the world. But shouldn't I find my contentment in God because that's where it really is? Shouldn't I rest in God because I love Him and He loves me? My human heart doesn't always understand that.

Later, David says this:

Psalm 86:11-12

¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. ¹² I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.

David has to ask to be taught God's ways. He had to ask for an undivided heart so that he could love God as God should be loved and that he could fear God the way God should be feared.

My prayer today is this: that God would see fit to give me this undivided heart so that I can long for the things God longs for in my life. So that I would be able to see how He sees and help people and glorify God the way God should be glorified. I stink of humanity and sin and that hinders me from praising the Eternal God the way He should be praised. But that doesn't hinder me from asking that God make my heart whole so that He can use it for His glory.

I think I'll work on a drawing/painting to illustrate this "whole heart" idea...

pity parties...

2009-07-02T16:46:00.002-04:00

... are only fun for about 2 seconds and then you realize how useless they are. I mean, sure, things happen and sometimes those things might suck a little bit, but what's the purpose of focusing on them?

A friend sat in my kitchen one night and told me all about how her life was just going right down the tubes. She threw herself a big ole pity party right there at my table. At the end of a lengthy description of everything going wrong in her life and about 30 minutes full of self-pity, she looked at me and asked, "What should I do?" I looked right into her eyes and gave her ( I think) the best advice I have ever given anyone! "Stop it!"

Stop feeling sorry for yourself! You're missing the lesson God may have for you in your circumstances.

Stop complaining! You can't hear God speak if you don't stop talking.

Stop whining! You're just proving your lack of faith.

Stop acting like a victim! God made you to be a victor through His power.

Stop doing things you know are going to hurt you! God did not create you to be stupid.

Stop chasing away your friends by being a "Negative Nancy"! God created you to be an encouragement to those around you.

Stop working under your own power! God created you so that He could work through you.

Stop acting like you don't know what's going on! God has clearly shown you in His word how to live.

Just stop it!

end rant.

Never Alone

2009-06-30T12:15:00.001-04:00

by Mary Southerland

Today's Truth
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths."

Friend To Friend
The Bible is filled with miracles where God intervened directly in time and space.

· Dividing the Red Sea

· Raising the dead

· Healing the blind

· Turning water to wine

God used miracles in a limited world to demonstrate His unlimited power. It is easy to see Him in the miraculous events of life but I believe God's greatest work is in our everyday lives where He takes the ordinary and uses it to create a magnificent design. We are experiencing God daily. We simply don't know how to recognize Him.

I heard about a pastor's young son who came running in the house after playing outside for hours. His mother took one look at his dirty hands and told him to go wash them carefully. When the little boy asked why he had to wash his hands, his mother told him that there were germs living in all of that dirt. The little boy refused and began to complain, "Germs and Jesus! Germs and Jesus! That's all I ever hear around this house, and I've never seen either one!"

Just because we can't see God at work doesn't mean He isn't at work. In fact, God is always at work in our lives. We just need to look for Him.

1. Look for God in circumstances.

God is constantly at work in our lives preparing us to do what He created us to do. A.B. Simpson says: "God is preparing His heroes, and when the opportunity comes, He can fit them into their place in a moment. And the world will wonder where they came from." When we understand that God integrates every circumstance to accomplish His will, it is easier to trust Him. Even when we do not understand, even when we can't explain it, even when it doesn't make sense or seems wrong, we can choose to trust Him. It is easy to trust God when the seas are calm and the skies are clear, but the strength of our faith is measured in the midst of a storm.

A crisis always reveals what is really inside. Letting go means that we trust God enough to obey Him. Trust is demonstrated by obedience and what I do reveals what I believe about God, regardless of what I say. God will not waste direction on a disobedient heart. The more we obey, the more we will trust. The more we trust, the more we will obey. God reveals His plans to an obedient heart. When we trust God enough to surrender our will to Him, we will find that He is Lord of our circumstances.

2. Look for God in people.

Proverbs 27: 17 "As iron sharpens iron, so people can improve each other."

"Each other" literally means "companion or friend; neighbor or associate". God uses every relationship to improve us and to accomplish His will in us. People come into our lives for eternal reasons. Relationships are mirrors. In them, we see reflections of ourselves. Relationships expose the weaknesses we try so hard to bury and teach us important lessons like forgiveness, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control. If we need to learn patience, He brings someone that is irritating. If we need to learn to love, He will bring the unlovable. God takes those people we call "difficult" and uses them as pruning tools, tools of molding and refining. If we fail to learn from one, He will send another. Even if we do learn from one, He will send another to teach us a different lesson.

3. Look for God in mistakes.

Romans 8:28 "We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. They are the people he called, because that was his plan."

Even the disasters that strike us are intended for our good. God is in control. Ivory soap is the "soap that floats" but it wasn't always that way. Years ago, this soap was just another brand among many -- until a factory foreman made a mistake. He left a batch of new soap in the cooking vat and went to lunch. He was late getting back and the soap overcooked. It seemed to clean the same. It was just lighter. He could choose to report the mistake, and get fired, or he could make the best of it and ship it out. The results of the "new" soap surprised everyone. Instead of complaints, the company was deluged with orders for this floating soap and the foreman was promoted. God often works the same way. He takes our mistakes and brings good out of them. If we let Him, God will use the pain of our sin the destruction of our mistakes as the foundation upon which He builds a new life, a better life. What we call "dis-appointment" is really "His appointment." God does not waste a single experience.

4. Look for God in a personal relationship with Him.

John 10:27-28 "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never die, and no one can steal them out of my hand."

The plan of God is revealed through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We were not created just for time. We were created for eternity and if we live just for this life, we will miss the ultimate purpose of creation. When our circumstances don't add up, the people in our lives seem to be clueless and our mistakes make no sense, we can keep coming back to this relationship because we can depend on God to meet every need. When we know God, His power is credited to our life account. We could be living in spiritual wealth instead of spiritual bankruptcy.

The story is told of a business man who was selling some warehouse property. The building had been empty for months. Vandals had damaged the doors, smashed the windows and trashed the place. As he showed a prospective buyer the property, he took pains to say that he would replace the broken windows, make any repairs needed and clean it up. The buyer said, "Forget about the repairs. When I buy this place, I'm going to build something completely different. I don't want the building. I just want the site."

God is waiting to work in your life. You don't have to repair anything or clean up anything. He just wants you and is waiting for you to come ... just as you are.

Let's Pray
Father, I want to see You and know You more. Please help me to look beyond myself and my own circumstances to see Your hand at work in my life. Help me remember that You are my source and will supply my every need. When I make a mistake, help me find a seed of victory in it. I pray that You will open my eyes and my heart to the people and circumstances around me and help me see You in every part of my life. Thank You, Lord, for all that You are doing -- now -- in my life.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
Read the following bible verses and think of ways each one can be applied to your life. Then memorize these verses and invite the Holy Spirit to bring them to mind when you need them.

Psalm 33:20 "We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield" (NRV).
2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you'" (ICB).
Psalm 23:1 "The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not be in want" (NIV).

Christian Noise

2009-06-29T16:58:00.002-04:00

"Listen and hear my voice; pay attention and hear what I say" (Isaiah 28:7 NIV).

May we never get so used to the "noise" of Christianity, that we cease to hear the actual voice of God.

Let me give you example. Come sit with me in an airplane just before take off on my recent trip to North Dakota...

Here we go again, I mused as the flight attendant began her routine instructions. I grabbed the latest copy of Sky Mall magazine tucked in the seat pocket in front of me and began flipping through the pages. The man to my right continued reading the headlines in the day's paper. The woman to my left was a first time flyer and paid close attention.

I glanced around the plane and noticed very few people listening to the flight attendant's life saving instructions. Then it hit me. The frequent flyers paid little attention, not because we were being rude, but because we had heard it all before. The safety procedures were routine information. The hum of the flight attendant's voice merged with the roar of the engine, so we ignored her.

But you better believe that if the pilot announced in mid-flight that a crash landing was imminent, all of us "been there, done that" passengers who did not pay attention to the emergency procedures would all be reviewing those safety instruction cards in the seat pocket in front of us quicker than you could say "buckle your seat belts."

May we never get so used to the "noise" of Christianity, that we cease to hear the actual voice of God.

truth

2009-06-25T13:18:00.003-04:00

In my life, searching for truth and trying to discern what is and is not God's truth, I have noticed that people who have lived their whole lives in the same church, with the same people, with the same beliefs and have never gone outside of that environment, really don't have the strength that someone who has seen other things and experienced other places has. It's almost as if they are a child who stayed inside the house their whole childhood versus the child who went outside every day and ran and played with friends and got dirty. It's true that the child who stays inside has a less likely chance of getting hurt by circumstances and other people, but they probably won't experience the muscle growth and social skills that the child who plays outside will.

Because of my family's tendency to move around when I was a child (I was a Navy brat), I was never the one who got to stay inside. In order to survive, I had to run out and make friends. I've also been known to play in the mud and dance around in the rain. I was a curious child, always asking questions and trying to figure things out. Some things I have accepted that I'll never really understand every aspect of it. God for example, I know I will not FULLY understand every single little aspect of Him until I'm in heaven. But that doesn't mean that I don't accept Him, live for Him, and fully rely on Him for my needs.

Some things, however, I need to fully understand and I should be able to with enough research. One of those things in the Emergent Church. At this point, I've asked people I trust to give good and solid answers and I believe that they have given the best answers they could. But I'm still searching for what it REALLY means. I'm coming to an understanding of the differences, but the real and basic theology of Emergent just seems so... vague. Maybe that was their goal. If so, that feels kinda sketchy. But if not, then I need to research more. When I see something, I want to either know what it is, or know how I can find out and file it away until I can look it up (which is why I tend to always have a little notebook and pen with me, so I can write things down that I want to look up later). In this day and age, I should be able to google anything and find out what it is, where it is, why it is, and who it is. I have found a lot of info on Emergent, but I'm still not satisfied with the answers I have been given.

It's times like this that I sometimes frustrate even myself with my need to know and understand.

Power Struggles

2009-06-25T12:59:00.003-04:00

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. ~ Isaiah 40:29, NLT

I love the multiple meanings in this verse! It is such a simple thing, yet we find it so difficult to abide by!

Meaning #1: God gives power to those who are weak. Meaning when life, circumstances, or mistakes you have made beat you mercilessly to the ground, God gives you power (should you ask for it). When a downtrodden (to use a churchy word) believer needs power, they have only to ask God for it and wait expectantly. God gives strength to the powerless. When you have nothing, there seems to be no way out and no one to help you, God gives you strength. Basically, the traditionally accepted meaning: God helps you when you're weak and powerless. This shows the person as being powerless, not by their own choice, and God helping them.

Meaning #2: God gives power to those who are weak. Meaning, God gives power to those who make themselves weak before Him because they realize that His is the ultimate power. Those who willingly make themselves weak for God's sake will be rewarded with His power. Motivations play a HUGE role here. Making yourself weak does NOT involve self-deprecation, letting people push you around and treat you badly just so you can be shown as weak to get some of God's power to pay them back later, and it does not mean that just anyone who is weak has access to God's power. This is a believer-only offer. God gives strength to the powerless. When a believer realizes and shows in their lives via their actions that they give all power in their lives to God, God will reward that with a strength that could not have come from any person. This shows the person making themselves less so that God can be made more and can be glorified through their actions and lives.

God doesn't want His people to suffer, He loves us but he knows that a certain amount of suffering is necessary. After all, how can you know what light is unless you have experienced darkness. Will you appreciate the light as much if you had no clue what it was to stand in the dark for a while? Doubtful.

With who's voice do you speak?

2009-06-23T08:34:00.003-04:00

Last night was our first night of prayer for Genesis and the Tacketts. There were eight people and God. It was good. And a few things were revealed that night. Some to me, some to Lewis. For Lewis, the power of prayer in his life and in the life of his future pastor came to a new light and he felt compelled to do something about it. I smiled at the man of God I saw in him last night. And while Lewis was talking about God doing something, although he did not know what, God was whispering in my ear and showing me a glimpse at what the end result will look like in both Lewis and CT's lives. I'm pretty sure I giggled.

For me, it was something different. Yes, the power of prayer, but also the voice with which we as Christians speak. We can speak with our voice and things get accomplished. But Psalm 29 talks about the voice of God and all that it can accomplish.

³ The voice of the LORD is over the waters;
the God of glory thunders,
the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.

⁴ The voice of the LORD is powerful;
the voice of the LORD is majestic.

⁵ The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars;
the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.

⁶ He makes Lebanon skip like a calf,
Sirion like a young wild ox.

⁷ The voice of the LORD strikes
with flashes of lightning.

⁸ The voice of the LORD shakes the desert;
the LORD shakes the Desert of Kadesh.

⁹ The voice of the LORD twists the oaks
and strips the forests bare.
And in his temple all cry, "Glory!"

All this is accomplished simply by His voice! What a voice it is! What could we accomplish if we spoke with the voice of God? Meaning, how would lives, our own and of those around us, change if we spoke only what God told us to speak and then speak it with the power and authority that He has given us? How would our own lives change if we listened for the voice of God before we listened for the voice of Oprah or Dr. Phil to tell us how to live? There is a truth in the voice of God that is unparalleled!

Last night I prayed for Genesis, Craig, Brittany, and Tyler. I prayed for the people in the room with me, I prayed for people that were not there, and I prayed for myself. I prayed that I would be able to see the truth in the people around me, that I would be able to see truth like a shining light and run from any darkness. I have recently been fighting against a disillusionment that I had with a few different pastors to whom I listen. It bothered me for a while that what they were saying was not original, that it came from some other pastor. I think it bothered me most because they seemed to own what they were saying to such an extent that I hadn't even thought for a second where they learned it. But God reminded me that there is nothing new under the sun and just because they didn't personally think up these good things, that does not devalue what they were saying. The voice with which they spoke was so powerful, I didn't even stop to think where the information came from, only that it was right. Part of that scares me and prompted me to pray to see truth. The wool has been pulled over my eyes in the past and I have no desire to reenact that scene. God has given me a lot of discernment over the years, but I know I need to be closer to Him, to be engulfed in Him.

Here's a song that's been speaking to me a lot lately:

Burn Us Up by Shane & Shane

There were three
Before the king
There were three who wouldn’t bow to him
For when you heard
The music play
And you were standing you would burn.
They looked at him and said…

Burn us up! Burn us up! Burn us up!
Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire
We give up! We give up! We give up!
Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire!
Won’t you throw us in the fire!

The king enraged
At what they said
Sent the three away to find their death
The palace stopped in unbelief
When the guilty raised their hands to sing
They looked at him and said…

You are able to deliver from the fire of affliction
It’s the declaration of my Lord
You’re not an image of gold
You’re the God of old
You have made us
Come and save us
We are Yours
But even if You don’t, we will burn!

a few things I learned this weekend

2009-06-22T13:01:00.002-04:00

I'm wrong a lot.
Relying on the wisdom of those wiser than you is a wise thing.
Never underestimate the importance of family and spending time with them.
There is nothing new under the sun, but that should not make a worthy thing any less valuable.
Never put two male toddlers in the same room and expect peace.
Rest can happen in the midst of chaos.
Within a the next year and a half, I will probably emerge as being the only single one left in my family.
When friends are incredibly happy with their lives, they sometimes forget to be sensitive to others, but that should not change the friendship.
Having someone to talk to is important. Talking to God is more important. Listening to God is top priority.
My fears are tiddlywinks to God's plan and God's power.

Sola Scriptura: one of my favorite stories!

2009-06-18T09:13:00.000-04:00

Acts 12:1-18

Peter's Miraculous Escape From Prison

¹It was about this time that King Herod arrested some who belonged to the church, intending to persecute them. ²He had James, the brother of John, put to death with the sword. ³When he saw that this pleased the Jews, he proceeded to seize Peter also. This happened during the Feast of Unleavened Bread. ⁴After arresting him, he put him in prison, handing him over to be guarded by four squads of four soldiers each. Herod intended to bring him out for public trial after the Passover.

⁵So Peter was kept in prison, but the church was earnestly praying to God for him.

⁶The night before Herod was to bring him to trial, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries stood guard at the entrance. ⁷Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him up. "Quick, get up!" he said, and the chains fell off Peter's wrists.

⁸Then the angel said to him, "Put on your clothes and sandals." And Peter did so. "Wrap your cloak around you and follow me," the angel told him. ⁹Peter followed him out of the prison, but he had no idea that what the angel was doing was really happening; he thought he was seeing a vision. ¹⁰They passed the first and second guards and came to the iron gate leading to the city. It opened for them by itself, and they went through it. When they had walked the length of one street, suddenly the angel left him.

¹¹Then Peter came to himself and said, "Now I know without a doubt that the Lord sent his angel and rescued me from Herod's clutches and from everything the Jewish people were anticipating."

¹²When this had dawned on him, he went to the house of Mary the mother of John, also called Mark, where many people had gathered and were praying. ¹³Peter knocked at the outer entrance, and a servant girl named Rhoda came to answer the door. ¹⁴When she recognized Peter's voice, she was so overjoyed she ran back without opening it and exclaimed, "Peter is at the door!"

¹⁵"You're out of your mind," they told her. When she kept insisting that it was so, they said, "It must be his angel."

¹⁶But Peter kept on knocking, and when they opened the door and saw him, they were astonished. ¹⁷Peter motioned with his hand for them to be quiet and described how the Lord had brought him out of prison. "Tell James and the brothers about this," he said, and then he left for another place.

¹⁸In the morning, there was no small commotion among the soldiers as to what had become of Peter. ¹⁹After Herod had a thorough search made for him and did not find him, he cross-examined the guards and ordered that they be executed.

Lighthouses! Are you ready?

2009-06-18T08:55:00.003-04:00

Someone once asked me, when it comes to me and my friends, what happens when we are all pulled away from the dock (meaning God) and are all just floating around in the storms of life? Without thinking twice I answered, "I feel like it would be my responsibility to pick my head up out of the water, find the lighthouse (meaning Jesus), and point the others to it." The reply was, "And that is why you becoming are a spiritual guide!" Now, I don't know if I'm a spiritual guide or not, I think that comes with time, true testing, and wisdom born of God. But this I know:

Philippians 3:12-14 "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do, forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (NIV).

When I came to the place where I was willing to give Him everything, a wonderful process began. He trained my immature desires to line up with His perfect ones. When I began to seek His will by laying my desires and plans at His feet - yielding to Him - He shaped, and is continuing to shape, my will until it becomes His will.

The Holy Spirit has been given to us as a Spiritual Trainer of sorts. He will lead us in the right spiritual exercises of life that will make us stronger and more mature. Many of those exercises involve the submission of our will and the yielding of our desires to God. As we allow the pain and stress of daily living to "stretch" us spiritually, we will grow and mature until one day we will realize that His desires and our desires are the same. Mature desires - Godly desires - desires that are in line with His will are the desires of a believer who is growing in Christ.

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart" (NIV).

"Delight" literally means to enjoy. We can come to God with an attitude of joy, knowing that He is a Father of love who wants what is best for His child. His plan is absolutely the best one we could possibly imagine or accept. We can delight in His love, trust in His goodness and enjoy a growing love relationship with Him. A heart fully and joyfully submitted to God will produce mature desires.

High in the Alps is a monument raised in honor of a faithful guide who died while ascending a peak to rescue a stranded tourist. Inscribed on that memorial stone are the words, "He died climbing!" A maturing, growing Christian should evoke the same attitude and desire. The apostle Paul tells us that it is time to "put away" childish things. As children grow older, we train them to pick up their toys, to put away things that are not needed, to obey house rules and to leave behind what is childish, straining toward what is ahead. Right now, we have the same choice to make. To "put away" indicates an understanding of what needs to be left behind but also a willingness and commitment to do so.

The question is, are you ready to grow up in Christ?Are you tired of being a "baby Christian"? Are you ready to experience all that God has for you once you give everything up for Him? Are you ready to dive into Him and let Him teach you how to swim? Are you ready???

Zephaniah 3:17- wrap your mind around it

2009-06-15T14:22:00.003-04:00

“The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

My first reaction to these verses was a typical Shanna "excuse me?" *one eyebrow raised in slight disbelief*

God is with me. Got that, herad it in Sunday School, proved it in Grad School.

He is mighty to save me. Yup, my mind can handle that with very little trouble.

He takes great delight in me? Now let's hold on just a minute. The God and Holy Creator of the whole wide universe takes delight in me?! um.... *scratches head* really? I had a hard time wrapping my brain around that. But as hard as it is for me to comprehend that He delights in me, His Word says it is true. When I allow myself to agree with His Word, I cannot help but smile. To me, “taking delight in” means that Jesus likes to be around me. He wants me to be near Him. He laughs when I’m funny. He listens when I tell Him my innermost thoughts and feelings. He supports and comforts me when I’m sick or hurt, and He instructs me when I screw up so I can be free from destructive thoughts and impure motives.

He delights in me as a parent delights in His child. As His child who sometimes goes astray, He disciplines me to bring me back to Him. He protects and guards my spirit, soul and mind. If I turn to Him when I am upset or fearful, He will “quiet” me with “His love”. This love is strong and unconditional. It won’t diminish over time, and I cannot earn it, but I must open my heart and allow myself to receive it. During difficult times, if I will allow myself to concentrate on what His Word says and not on my doubts or fearful thoughts, His love comes through the Scriptures and into my heart.

He will quiet me with His love. Honestly, my first thought was, "I hope so because delighting in me is throwing me for a loop." But the last one really kicked my butt.

He rejoices over me with singing. Why would He do that? I'm SO not worthy of that kind of love. And with singing?? I don't even like my own family to sing Happy Birthday to me because I don't like that kind of attention on me. Why on earth would God choose to lavish me with that kind of attention. There are certainly more worthy people on earth, why me? Who am I?............

....................... after much pondering I asked myself, "What's the catch? God is too wonderful." I don’t deserve any of this. There must be a catch. A few years later, I’ve yet to find it. There is no risk in giving all of your heart to Jesus. He already knows you intimately. He knows your fears, your insecurities, your self-centeredness, your selfishness, your anger, your frustrations, your doubts, your regrets. Nothing about you shocks Him or causes Him to despise you. He loves you, and His love is perfect and complete. He is ever ready to help you overcome the Enemy. He is “with you”. He is your Champion and Defender. He is “mighty to save”. I need a champion who is “mighty”! How ‘bout you?

To be sure, those in Christ Jesus will live happily ever after—and that’s no fairy tale. When I spend time with Jesus in His Word, in prayer, and in quiet solitude with my heart set on Him in praise and adoration, I know that I know that I know my God is real, strong, and loving . God is wonderful. I don’t deserve all He offers me in Christ Jesus. I never will. Praise be to God that I don’t have to earn it because of the redemptive work of Jesus on the cross. As soon as I confessed my sins and accepted Jesus into my heart, I became His very own and an heir to His kingdom. My Prince has come to me. And His name is Christ Jesus. It’s all about grace fueled by unconditional love. The unconditional, incomprehensible love of God.

Sola Scriptura: 1 Peter 2:4-12

2009-06-15T09:48:00.000-04:00

Living Stones for God’s House

⁴ You are coming to Christ, who is the living cornerstone of God’s temple. He was rejected by people, but he was chosen by God for great honor.

⁵ And you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple. What’s more, you are his holy priests. Through the mediation of Jesus Christ, you offer spiritual sacrifices that please God. ⁶ As the Scriptures say,

“I am placing a cornerstone in Jerusalem,
chosen for great honor,
and anyone who trusts in him
will never be disgraced.”

⁷ Yes, you who trust him recognize the honor God has given him. But for those who reject him,

“The stone that the builders rejected
has now become the cornerstone.”

⁸ And,

“He is the stone that makes people stumble,
the rock that makes them fall.”

They stumble because they do not obey God’s word, and so they meet the fate that was planned for them.

⁹ But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

¹⁰ “Once you had no identity as a people;
now you are God’s people.
Once you received no mercy;
now you have received God’s mercy.”

¹¹ Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. ¹² Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.

What Am I Doing in This Pit?

2009-06-15T09:27:00.000-04:00

by Mary Southerland

Today's Truth
Psalm 40:1-3 "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, about of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord" (NIV).

Friend To Friend
It was the spring of 1995 and Spring Breakaway was just around the corner. Normally this conference was a highlight of my year. I always looked forward to teaching at this very special retreat for women in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. But not this year. This year I didn't even want to go, and I certainly did not want to teach.

I felt completely empty and totally drained. My energy was gone. My heart and mind seemed paralyzed. I was exhausted in every way. But then, I had a right to feel that way. After all, it had been a nonstop year for me.

My husband, Dan, was the pastor/teacher of Flamingo Road Church, a contemporary, seeker-sensitive ministry in Fort Lauderdale that had exploded in growth that year and begun meeting in multiple services. I attended every service, going early to welcome newcomers and staying late to smooth any ruffled feathers that came my way. We were in the process of transitioning from a very traditional church to a very contemporary one. Change is always hard, but this experience had been a nightmare. I had never encountered such opposition. I had never been the target of such criticism. I had never known such rejection as people I thought were my friends attacked my husband's integrity, heart, and vision. It seemed as if there was always someone waiting in line to question and criticize what we were doing. I felt like a walking wound. I knew we were being obedient to what God had called us to do, but it seemed that many disagreed. I was hurt and angry, and I did not know what to do with those emotions.

My ministry as the church pianist had become more of a pain than a joy. Singing was no longer the overflow of a daughter's full heart, but the hollow performance of a spiritual chore. I had always loved being a mom, but, lately, even this role felt more like an unwelcome burden. I was used to being the one who gave help. I was the one others came to for strength and direction. I was the great encourager -- the caregiver. People who knew me well would describe me as a very strong woman. All of my life, I was driven to excel in everything, and if I couldn't do it perfectly, I didn't do it at all. I was a raging perfectionist...legalistically disciplined...with little sympathy for weak people. Now I, the strong one, couldn't get out of bed. The simplest decision sent me into a panic. The great wisdom-giver could not compile a grocery list. The woman who taught hundreds of women couldn't bring herself to face crowds of any size. The large tasks of life were out of the question, and even the simplest tasks seemed like huge mountains.

Meals, housework, and even shopping were all left undone. If I managed to get out of bed and get dressed by the time my kids got home from school, the day was a success. All I wanted to do was sleep and to be left alone. I was paralyzed. I had fallen into a deep, dark, nameless pit. I had no idea how I got there. And even more frightening was the stark reality that I had no idea how to get out.

I decided I was just tired. All I needed was some rest, so my family and I escaped the hot, humid flatlands of Florida to enjoy three weeks in the cool mountains of North Carolina, my favorite vacation spot. That vacation is a complete blur. My children knew something was terribly wrong. They had never seen their mom so quiet...so still...and so sad. Dan listened patiently as I poured out my fear and confusion night after night. There seemed to be no answers...only questions. In his eyes, I could see the growing fear that I felt in my own heart. We had never been here before. It was a foreign land. We had no idea how to navigate these unfamiliar waters. It was very simple. I was in serious trouble, and I needed help.

As each day grew darker, Dan and I both realized we had to come up with a plan -- quickly! We decided I would see a Christian counselor Dan often referred people to and in whom he had great confidence. My first appointment with Betty was uneventful as far as I could tell - and a total waste of time. I was furious! She was supposed to "fix" me in those few hours and had failed miserably. She did, however, accomplish one thing. She named my pit.

Clinical depression was a problem I knew little about. Evidently, it was an enemy that strong, committed Christians were not supposed to encounter, because I had never heard anyone in the church even talk about depression, much less admit they struggled with it. I recoiled at the thought of such blatant weakness in my life. I felt ashamed of what was obviously a great failure on my part, but I was very desperate and willing to do whatever it took to climb out of that pit. I also knew I could not make this journey alone. Over the next few months, Dan and Betty climbed down into that dark, slimy pit with me and became God with skin on. They sounded the alarm and gathered the troops.

Today, I can say with the certainty of an experienced pit dweller that there is a way out. I have good news for you, my friend. You are not alone! I believe that one reason God allowed me to experience the pit of depression is to help others find the way out. I want to say to those of you who are in that pit -- and to those of you who are peering over the edge of it wondering how to help someone you love -- you do not have to be a prisoner of the dark. You do not have to stay in your pit. You do not have to stand helplessly by while a friend or family member drowns in the darkness of depression. We were meant to dwell in the light. So lift up your head, open up your heart, and listen for the voice of the One who knows you best and loves you most. He can and will bring you out of the dark.

Let's Pray
Lord, it seems as if my world has collapsed, hurling me into a deep, dark pit. I come to you in complete surrender. I am desperate for you, helpless and afraid. Please lift me out of this pit and show me the way, Lord.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Pour out your heart to your God, asking Him to uncover the dark places in your life. As He does, record them in your journal using simple, honest words.
Each day, read Psalm 40:1-3 and claim it as a certain hope from God's heart to yours.
Up until now, what has been your typical response to the dark times in life? Does that response line up with Psalm 40:1-3?
Do you really believe that if you cry out to God that He will hear your cry? What does that mean to you?
Are you willing to face and deal with the darkness in your life?
Ask a friend to be your prayer partner this week as you begin this journey to the Light!

More From The Girls
I do not like pits -- in cherries or in life. I pray that my journey out of the pit of clinical depression will encourage you or someone you love and bring hope instead of despair. It is a long, hard road, but through God's power, grace and love, you can do it! If God can deliver me, He can deliver you, friend.

Sola Scritura: God is a refuge in the storm

2009-06-12T08:36:00.002-04:00

Psalm 9:9
"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."

Isaiah 25:4
"You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat. For the breath of the ruthless is like a storm driving against a wall."

Acts 27:13-25

The Storm

¹³When a gentle south wind began to blow, they thought they had obtained what they wanted; so they weighed anchor and sailed along the shore of Crete. ¹⁴Before very long, a wind of hurricane force, called the "northeaster," swept down from the island. ¹⁵The ship was caught by the storm and could not head into the wind; so we gave way to it and were driven along. ¹⁶As we passed to the lee of a small island called Cauda, we were hardly able to make the lifeboat secure. ¹⁷When the men had hoisted it aboard, they passed ropes under the ship itself to hold it together. Fearing that they would run aground on the sandbars of Syrtis, they lowered the sea anchor and let the ship be driven along. ¹⁸We took such a violent battering from the storm that the next day they began to throw the cargo overboard. ¹⁹On the third day, they threw the ship's tackle overboard with their own hands. ²⁰When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days and the storm continued raging, we finally gave up all hope of being saved. ²¹After the men had gone a long time without food, Paul stood up before them and said: "Men, you should have taken my advice not to sail from Crete; then you would have spared yourselves this damage and loss. ²²But now I urge you to keep up your courage, because not one of you will be lost; only the ship will be destroyed. ²³Last night an angel of the God whose I am and whom I serve stood beside me ²⁴and said, 'Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand trial before Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you.' ²⁵So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me.

paragraph to Christy

2009-06-11T14:03:00.000-04:00

You would think that learning to rest has to do with not doing things, but I'm learning the opposite is true. God is teaching me how to rest while life continues to happen around me. I dropped my classes, so that's just one thing I don't have to worry about. I didn't drop life. I still have my friends and all their drama. And God knew that I was going to have to deal with all their drama, all the house decisions, and the new church starting up so He let me cross classes off my list of stuff to do each week. Everything on my plate right now is either spiritual or life, not scholastic, which I like about it. When classes start in August, certain areas of life will either calm down, or I will take myself away from it to work on school. I'm okay with that. I'm enjoying the moments because I know God has ordered each one and I'm seeing that more and more as I go through this summer (even though it just started). I'm seeing how God has given me the friends I have so that I can deal with the day to day stress of my job. I'm seeing how God has allowed me the mentors and teachers that He has so that I can learn from them how to deal with my day to day stress. My boss might make me cry once a day for the rest of the summer, but God has ordained someone to come into my life to love me through that. Some day it might be you, some days it might be someone else, but every day is accounted for and every day is taken care of. God is able to do all these things and more with my life. My only limit on how much God can do with my life is how much I let Him work. I can't let Him fill my cup if my hand is covering the top.

Make sense?

Sola Scriptura: God is ABLE

2009-06-11T09:13:00.002-04:00

Daniel 3:17 (NIV)
"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king."

Matthew 9:28 (NIV)
"When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, 'Do you believe that I am able to do this?' 'Yes, Lord,' they replied."

Romans 16:25 (NLT)
"Now all glory to God, who is able to make you strong, just as my Good News says."

2 Corinthians 9:8 (NLT)
"And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others."

Ephesians 3:20 (NLT)
"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."

2 Timothy 1:12 (NLT)
"This is why I am suffering here in prison. But I am not ashamed of it, for I know the one in whom I trust, and I am sure that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until the day of his return."

Hebrews 7:25 (Young's)
"whence also he is able to save to the very end, those coming through him unto God- ever living to make intercession for them."

BEST POEM IN THE WORLD

2009-06-10T12:18:00.004-04:00

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Dan, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

'And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

Thoughts On Tuesday Night

2009-06-10T08:27:00.002-04:00

"Love, Hate, Cling" This was how our Tuesday night C&C Bible study began. Love. Hate. Cling.

Here a just a few highlights:

Romans 12:9 (NIV) "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good."

When we ask "how are you?", do we really care or are we fulfilling a social expectation?

Romans 12:9 (NLT) "Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them."

"We are all like the moon, we all have a dark side we don't want anyone to see."

Where does sincere love come from?

1 Timothy 1:5 (NLT)" The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith"

Sincere love comes from a pure heart, clear conscience, and a genuine or sincere faith. How do we come into posession of a pure heart?

Acts 15:8 (NIV) "God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us."

Only when we give our heart to God can He make it pure and put it back in us. But what is sincere love? What is our example to follow (here's a real kick in the pants!)

1 John 4:7-11 (NIV) ⁷Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

Read it again. God's love is how ought to love! Do we? Do we really? Not even a little. Jesus is our standard for how to love others and His love was always outwardly focused.

Matthew 22:37-40 (NIV) ³⁷Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' ⁴⁰All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

No where in there does Jesus say, "but make sure you take some time to love yourself". He didn't need to, we've got that down pat! We can love ourselves like no other creature on this planet! No, Jesus says that love should be always pointed outward. First to God and then to others.

Outwardly focused love and outwardly focused manifestations of that love, without hypocrisy.

Think on it, it'll blow your mind!!

Set-Apart Living

2009-06-10T08:26:00.001-04:00

Part 2
by Gwen Smith

Today's Truth
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29, ESV)

Friend to Friend
Yesterday we began to talk about living a set-apart life. We looked at our e-lives, the time we spend on computers, and were challenged to establish healthy boundaries to protect and strengthen our faiths. It was noted that God is the source of all holiness. In order to live a set-apart life, we must spend time with Him and then be fueled by His Holy Spirit. Today, we are going to consider how we can be set-apart (holy) with our words.

My ten year old son, Hunter, recently came to me with a humble confession. He said that, "because he hasn't been spending much time with God lately, he has been grumpier and grumpier." He quietly admitted that he has been mean to his siblings and has said some unkind things. With amazing insight, he connected the amount of time that he spent with God and in God's Word with his behaviors ... recognizing that there was a direct correlation in his life.

Boy, could I relate to that! Tears welled up in my eyes as we spoke about this. I told Hunter that I experience the exact same thing in my life. That when I don't carve out time in my day to spend with the Lord, I often say things I shouldn't. For that matter, even when I do read my Bible and pray, I still say and do sinful things.

There was a time in my life when I really struggled with profanity. My tongue was a loose cannon. My church friends would never have known, but when I was angry, profanity was often present ... even if only under my breath. God has delivered me from that ugly habit, but it took over ten years of prayer. In those ten years, I failed repeatedly and struggled to believe that God could change my ways. It was a long-term process for me to be purified in my language, and I can assure you that it is only by the grace and strength of God that I can stub my toe now without needing to wash my mouth out with soap.

The Bible has so much to say on this topic! Here are just a few examples:

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (Proverbs 12:18, NIV)

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." (James 1:19-20, NIV)

"When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness." (Proverbs 31:26, NLT)

"He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin." (Proverbs 13:3, NIV)

This is hard stuff. Living set-apart with our words is simply beyond us, but be encouraged, because all things are possible with God. We need to constantly fall before the Lord and ask Him to filter our words through the Holy Spirit. It's important that we keep short accounts with God. When we do, He equips us to disarm the loose cannon of our tongues.

At the end my conversation with Hunter, I told my son that one of the most amazing things about our Heavenly Father is the mercy that He greets us with when we come before Him to confess our behavior. I said to him, and I say to you, God loves us so perfectly, that every time we turn to Him with a repentant heart, He offers us His grace. Go in His grace and live a set-apart life in the power of His Spirit today.

Let's Pray
Holy Father, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." (Psalm 19:14, NLT)

I ask this in Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

· Meditate on Hebrews 4:14,16:

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

· Now, grab your journal and throw yourself into this devotion. What are your greatest areas of temptation and weakness regarding your words? Confess those to God and ask Him to grant you the mercy and strength to help you live a set-apart life.

· Read Ephesians 4.

Set-Apart Living

2009-06-09T07:35:00.000-04:00

Part 1
by Gwen Smith

Today's Truth
"Be very careful, then, how you live -- not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."(Ephesians 5:15-16, NIV)

Friend to Friend
As Christian believers, we're called to live set-apart lives. To be holy as God is holy. To be in the world, but not of the world. God is the source of all holiness, and in order to live a set-apart life, we must spend time with Him so we can be fueled by His Holy Spirit.

I don't know what your days look like, but mine are pretty full. They start early and end late. Once the sun rises, it seems that coffee isn't the only thing brewing in my house. An invisible competition brews daily that vies for my time and attention. The competitors are often "good things" that end up to be "time-robbing things" that keep me from God's best and God's presence.

Today I'd like to put our computer lives under a spiritual microscope. I'm an e-girl. I love my MacBook Pro computer, my iPhone, email, instant messaging, and the World Wide Web. Though I'm admittedly fully immersed in the e-life, I'm also cognizant of the fact that the e-world has become a dangerous addiction and spiritual deterrent to many. I struggle with this personally! These electronic forums host a new and efficient opportunity for us to connect with other people 24/7. While much of the social networking, online surfing, and emailing is innocent, encouraging, and fun, they clearly present us with opportunities to sin and be distracted from set-apart living.

Over the past several years, Facebook, MySpace, blogs, instant messaging, and chat rooms have replaced many face-to-face conversations and, for some, devotion time. They have become a new source of temptation for us, an opportunity to live a fantasy or a momentary escape from the daily grind.

A friend of mine recently said, "My computer whispers to me." Yikes! Mine does, too! Though it's embarrassing to admit, I sometimes don't manage my time efficiently because I've given in to the lure of e-life by responding to the audio alert that indicates "I've got mail" or the notification that someone has left me a message on a social networking page of mine. As a result, I've robbed myself of productive time. Time I have wasted and spent unwisely.

We are warned against this in Scripture. "Be very careful, then, how you live -- not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil" (Ephesians 5:15-16, NIV).

Now, hear me clearly on this. I'm not saying that electronic forums or computers are bad or evil in and of themselves. (For goodness sakes, you're reading this devotion because of the amazing electronic world!) I'm simply suggesting that it would be wise for each of us to pray about the amount of time and energy we devote to these things.

How can we be set apart in our e-life? How can we establish healthy e-boundaries that will protect our purity and our time with God? Perhaps we could start by taking an honest look at the amount of time we commit to our social e-lives versus the amount of time we commit to spending in God's Word and in His presence each day. (Did that sting? Rest assured, it stings me too.)

The good news is that we can turn to God for direction and wisdom in all of this. "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him" (James 1:5, NIV). Our gracious Lord longs for each of us to choose His best and live each day in His strength.

"God, make a fresh start in me.
Shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!"
Psalm 51:10-12, MSG

Let's Pray
Today I thought it would be fitting to pray directly from Scripture."And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light" (Colossians 1:10-12, NIV).

Father, we ask this in Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
Let's get practical today:

Spend some time in thought and prayer about this subject.
Ask God to reveal to you any e-habits that are sinful, indulgent, or inappropriate.
Check your on-line notification settings and consider eliminating unnecessary email alerts.
Remember that God longs for your time and attention. Be certain that you don't choose mundane activities instead of spending time with Him.
Read Ephesians 5:1-20.

What Would Moses Do?

2009-06-08T14:53:00.002-04:00

I’m doing this thing where I’m reading through the Bible in 90 days, so basically this summer I’m reading through it. I’ve been reading for a week, and now I’m in Exodus 3. God is talking to Moses from the burning bush and tells him to go back to Pharaoh. Moses being Moses “said to God, ‘Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?’ And God said, ‘I will be with you.’”

Moses clearly had some insecurity. He didn’t speak that well, he had a history with that Pharaoh, and the people of Israel had no good, logical reason to follow him out of Egypt. There were multiple reasons why Moses should not have gone back to Egypt. But one HUGE reason why he should: God told him to go. God said “do this, I’m going with you.” What more could we want? We can’t expect God to live our lives for us and just sit on the couch at home, hoping that God will bring everyone we need or want to talk to right up to our front door. We have to be willing to walk the path He sets out for us, willing to accept the call.

As I sit here with a root beer and some Hershey’s Special Dark chocolate, I can only wonder, would I be as willing to obey? Or would I come up with excuses like Moses did? We read the Bible and we see these Biblical figures as great people, people of accomplishment, and some of them are. But most of them are just like us: scared and insecure. The only difference between them and us (besides the obvious physical and space/time differences) is that they obeyed. They questioned and they struggled, but they obeyed.

How have we obeyed today? Have we, all of us, answered that call? Regardless of what the call turns out to be, missionary, secretary, pastor, have we answered it with a willing servant heart? Or have we given excuses and tried to tell God that we aren’t good enough to do the job He has for us. God does not make mistakes! He’s going to call you for something you are not made for. Some of us are made to be missionaries, some of us are made to be pastors, some of us are made to be youth workers, and some of us are made to be secretaries. The call does not matter, as long we answer it!

Have you answered it? God is with you. What other promises do you need?

Overwhelmed and painting

2009-06-08T08:28:00.003-04:00

So much has happened in the last 4 days! I'm still overwhelmed by it all!

First, Saturday, I learned how to paint and painted my first picture ever in my entire life (See left). In case you need help figuring out what the heck that is, it's me. I'm a dead tree. Or I was at least. But by the blood shed on the cross, I came back to life. I haven't painted a live tree yet, still working on that. But you can see a few blades of green grass beginning to grow where the blood from the cross, carried by the river, has begun new growth, new healing in the tree.

This painting is literally my first time ever picking up a paint brush in my life. I think I might take up painting, it's quite therapeutic and sometimes the therapist needs therapy.

Second, Thursday night I met this guy named Scott (who deserves a whole post himself- but I'm not going to dwell on him). He told me about the house next to him that was for sale. Keri and I will be looking for a place to live in a few months and we thinking about a house, although I wasn't really thinking about buying a house. We drove by Friday night and Keri fell in love with it. She saw the balcony and loved it. My parents and I drove by again on Saturday afternoon and took a look around the outside, my dad found a few problems but reserved his opinion until he saw the inside.

Sunday morning, a bunch of us went to Bethel to hear Craig preach. It was during this service, hearing him preach (although I hear him preach weekly), that I fully realized that this man was going to be my pastor. He said later to me that apparently I smiled at him the whole time and the look on my face said "pastor" to him. I knew that I was smiling becuase God was talking to me the whole time and just hugging me with His love. I knew before I went to Bethel that morning that it was important for me to be there, to hear Craig preach even though I had heard him many times before. And it was that morning that God pointed at Craig and said "this is your pastor" to me.

We then went to The Homeplace for lunch and we had a lovely lunch and a very nice waitress. She recognized me from when I worked at Mill Mountain in Salem and we talked. I talked with her longer than I have talked with my waitress in a long time. Not because I'm rude or anything, just because they tend to have other tables besides mine and not many actually strike up an actual conversation. I, for some reason, told her that we were going to look at houses that day and I was nervous about actually buying a house. She chatted some and then went away. When she dropped off our check, she wrote down her name, number, and weekday job. Her name is Linda and she does Morgages! Gee, does God want me to buy a house? I still don't know. But now I'm willing to look with a more open mind and perhaps get some estimates and numbers and see how to proceed.

Sunday afternoon, we finally saw the inside of the house. Sean Turk took us over. For a single guy, this kind of "fixer-upper" house would be fine. However, it is not, at this point, actually livable. This house needs all new windows, all kinds of work done in the basement, and attic (insulation and such) and it needs re-wiring, and that's just a start. Basically, it would need to be "flipped" as Scott says, which means about $30,000 worth of renovations before we could even move in. Other than that, it's an okay looking 2 story, 3 tiny bedroom, 2 bath (only 1 working though) house.

As Keri was standing on the porch with Scott, he mentions that the house across the street is also for sale. We look over and see this horribly ugly Pepto pink house. I mean, this puppy is hideous! We sucked it up and look inside. It's a nice little 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom (although one is in the basement) house. It needs to some work. For example, it has white carpet that needs to come up, a kitchen that needs help as far as the cabinets and such. It's a nice first house, built in 1948, 1,043 square feet, nice front porch, carport (although that is currently pink), 70 x 133 Corner Lot, and a nice back yard, with nice garden space.

I'm praying very hard. I'm still not sure what to do, but I'll call and get some info on what to do and how to proceed. I'm not ill at ease, neither to I have perfect peace about it yet. But I think that's mostly coming from me. I'm afraid. I've made some bad financial decisions in that past that I have no desire to relive. I'm just getting my credit score back up to something semi-normal. My brother got a loan and tried to build a house, but then couldn't pay for it. I don't want to end up down that path either. I'm praying hard, I'm seeking wise counsel, and seeking God's face about it. I'm keeping a level head, trying not to get too excited or too stressed out by this whole thing.

I Learned From You

2009-06-04T12:18:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I couldn't hear what you're trying to tell me
I thought that I knew all I need to know
I didn't understand that the doors you would open
Could take me somewhere I wanted to go

I can be strong for you now
You taught me how

I learned from you that I do not crumble
I learned that strength is somethin' you choose
All of the reasons to keep on believin'
There's no question, that's a lesson, I learned from you

You know where to find all of my hiding places
And there are no secrets from you I can keep
You let me know how you feel, pulling no punches
And I never knew that kind of honesty

I'm grateful for all of the times
You opened my eyes

I learned from you that I do not crumble
I learned that strength is somethin' you choose
All of the reasons to keep on believin'
There's no question, that's a lesson, I learned from you

You helped me to stand on my own
And I thank you for that
It saved me, it made me
And now that I'm looking back I can say

I learned from you that I do not crumble
I learned that strength is somethin' you choose
All of the reasons to keep on believin'
There's no question, that's a lesson, I learned from you

I do not crumble
I learned that strength is somethin' you choose
All of the reasons to keep on believin'
There's no question, that's a lesson, I learned from you

Windows 7 goes on sale October 22nd

2009-06-03T09:07:00.002-04:00

Just thought you might like to know....

something new for me

2009-06-02T14:54:00.004-04:00

Genesis 18:1-15

The Three Visitors

¹ The LORD appeared to Abraham near the great trees of Mamre while he was sitting at the entrance to his tent in the heat of the day. ² Abraham looked up and saw three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he hurried from the entrance of his tent to meet them and bowed low to the ground.

³ He said, "If I have found favor in your eyes, my lord, do not pass your servant by. ⁴ Let a little water be brought, and then you may all wash your feet and rest under this tree. ⁵ Let me get you something to eat, so you can be refreshed and then go on your way—now that you have come to your servant."
"Very well," they answered, "do as you say."

⁶ So Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah. "Quick," he said, "get three seahs of fine flour and knead it and bake some bread."

⁷ Then he ran to the herd and selected a choice, tender calf and gave it to a servant, who hurried to prepare it. ⁸ He then brought some curds and milk and the calf that had been prepared, and set these before them. While they ate, he stood near them under a tree.

⁹ "Where is your wife Sarah?" they asked him.
"There, in the tent," he said.

¹⁰ Then the LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son."
Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. ¹¹ Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. ¹² So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"

¹³ Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' ¹⁴ Is anything too hard for the LORD ? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."

¹⁵ Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh."
But he said, "Yes, you did laugh."

Some things I never realized about this passage until today: there were three men standing there, yet it says that the LORD came to see Abraham. Abraham bowed before all three and addressed them as one, yet he knew there were three men standing before him because he prepared three loaves of bread. Could this be the second appearance of our three-in-one God? (the first being in the first few verses of Chap. 1). Also, Abraham seemed to understand that all three men were God, all three were his LORD. How did he know this? Did God sit him down and explain triune theology and it just didn't get recorded? We're only in chapter 18 of the Bible and yet Abraham seems to know things he really shouldn't know. How is this possible? Am I reading it wrong? Please, someone smarter than me give some insight.

The Lord is My Shepherd, Part 1

2009-06-02T08:12:00.000-04:00

The Lord is My Shepherd, Part 1
Mary Southerland

Today's Truth
Know that the Lord is God. He made us, and we belong to him; we are his people, the sheep he tends.
(Psalm 100:3 NCV)

Friend to Friend
Shepherding was one of the oldest callings in Israel, even before farming. Shepherds traveled from place to place, living in tents while driving their flocks from one pasture to another. The sheep and their shepherd lived together every minute of every day. In fact, they were so intimately bound together that individual sheep, even when mixed with other flocks, could recognize the voice of their own shepherd and would come immediately when called by name.

A shepherd owned and marked his sheep. In some cases, the sheep were even branded, although branding is no longer an accepted method of identification because of the damage it does to the wool. Today, the ears of sheep are pierced with identification tags but for thousands of years, shepherds around the world marked their sheep by notching their ears with a sharp knife. Each shepherd had his own distinctive notch that indicated identity and ownership.

When we come to Jesus Christ in complete surrender and begin the journey of becoming a fully devoted follower of Christ, we are redeemed by his forgiveness, made whole by his grace and marked with his love through the presence and power of the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 1:13 "You were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal; the promised Holy Spirit."

For years, I desperately struggled to be a Christian with only head knowledge of who God was and wanted to be in my life. The result was a pitifully shallow existence with stress and frustration as my constant companions. I grew up in a Christian home, attending church just about every time the doors were open. I sang all of the right songs, spoke all of the right words and did all of the right things in front of all the right people. I fervently prayed that my works would validate my faith and desperately hoped that by following the rules, I would please the Ruler. It was not until middle school that the authentic life and spiritual integrity of a dynamic youth pastor made me hunger and thirst for something more. I wanted to know God -- not only as my Lord and King - but as my Shepherd, the one who would lead me, provide for me and love me like no other.

During a special Saturday evening revival service at our small country church, I sat in my usual spot, desperately clutching the back of the pew in front of me while wrestling with God over the condition of my soul and my eternal security. After all, I was a very active church member, a soloist and pianist for our worship services, and even directed a children's choir. I never missed a service unless I was deathly ill. I was a leader in our youth group, rarely failed to attend a youth activity and often brought friends who were lost, unlike me, of course, and needed to know God. How embarrassing to walk down that aisle, admitting to everyone that I had been living a lie. I clung to that pew in sheer arrogance and argued that I was a Christian. I must be. Look at all of the good things I had done. I looked liked a believer, talked like a believer and even acted like I was fully devoted to God ... but was I? (Don't miss the answer to that question in tomorrow's devotion!)

Let's Pray
Father, I confess that I have allowed fear and anxiety to fill my mind and heart. I want to trust You above all else. Please give me the faith to believe the promises in Your Word and the strength to take the first step of obedience. Help me remember that I am a sheep, totally dependent upon You, my Shepherd. Thank You for Your perfect provision for my life.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Read Psalm 23.
List three ways that sheep are dependent on the shepherd.
List three ways that shepherds care for their sheep.
Compare the two lists. What similarities do you find in your own life?

Psalm 73: 21-28 (NIV)

2009-06-01T10:14:00.001-04:00

Psalm 73: 21-28 (NIV)
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

Ever have an unsatisfied feeling after your devotional or Bible study—like nothing you read sunk in really deep? I had this feeling this morning, and I felt the need for a psalm. I began turning the pages of my Bible and my eyes fell on “you hold me by my right hand”, and I knew I had to read this one. I’ve read verses 21-28 over and over this morning, and thanked God for showing them to me.

There is such love for us revealed here. Security and peace. We can have bitter hearts, we can have bad attitudes, but when we come to our senses we will see the Truth. Our God never leaves us. God is so loving and so good. What have we done to deserve such love and goodness? To deserve being led by God and taken into glory? Not one thing. It is all about Him! Here we see the benefits of believing God and clinging to Him no matter what. And also, the complete abandonment of the heart, soul, mind, and strength to God. “But as for me, it is good to be near God.” For me, to be near God means spending time with Him in His Word, talking to Him, and also just loving Him and abiding in His love. Whatever we have to give up in our daily life to stay near God is nothing in comparison to what we gain.

2009-05-30T10:46:00.003-04:00

I'm here in Suffolk for a few days with my best friend from high school and her family. They live in a lovely house near some water and it's probably the most restful place I have been in a long time. No one is asking anything of me, no one is even sitting with me right now and it's pretty fantastic! Now, don't get me wrong, I love my home, my friends, and those God has peopled my life with, but sometimes you just need to rest. This summer is me learn how to rest and how to really let God have my time and use it how He wants to, not just how I have filled me schedule. So be prepared to read lots of posts on resting in the midst of whatever I'm doing. Next week, I'll be able to blog more about what's going on and specifically how God's been dumping buckets full of blessings and love on my undeserving head. But back to now...

I sat this morning on my friend's back porch and just sat. I smelled the scent of flowers wafting through the air, the water nearby giving off it's particular aroma, and I listened to the birds chirp their happy songs of praise to their creator. Even Christy's dog was happy. It's just beautiful. And I can sit and listen and smell and just be. I took a moment and smiled and thanked my God for this precious time of rest and reflection of His creation that I wouldn't have gotten had I stayed home. Below is the scripture I was led to read and yes, it also spoke to me and showed me how important resting on God really is.

Psalm 30 (New International Version)

¹ I will exalt you, O LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

² O LORD my God, I called to you for help
and you healed me.

³ O LORD, you brought me up from the grave;
you spared me from going down into the pit.

⁴ Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.

⁵ For his anger lasts only a moment,
       but his favor lasts a lifetime;
       weeping may remain for a night,
       but rejoicing comes in the morning.

⁶ When I felt secure, I said,
"I will never be shaken."

⁷ O LORD, when you favored me,
       you made my mountain stand firm;
       but when you hid your face,
       I was dismayed.

⁸ To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:

⁹ "What gain is there in my destruction,
       in my going down into the pit?
       Will the dust praise you?
       Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

¹⁰ Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."

¹¹ You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

¹² that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

This song won't leave me

2009-05-29T13:48:00.001-04:00

Ancient Skies

by Michael Gungor Band

You have never changed
Your love is endless and Your mercy has remained
Through all the ages, You shine so bright
Nothing can compare
You made the heavens and Your glory fills the air
Through all the ages You ride the ancient skies

And You ride the ancient skies
You’re amazing
Creation cries, so will I

Now we stand amazed
And now we sing the word they sang in ancient days
A single word that’s overflowing endless praise
Hallelujah

Hallelujah…

Give it a rest!

2009-05-29T09:10:00.001-04:00

Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made. —Genesis 2:3 From the very beginning, rest has had a special significance for God. God rested, and He made the seventh day a day of rest for us as well (Exodus20:8-11).

So the Lord said to Moses: “Gather to Me seventy men of the elders of Israel, whom you know to be the elders of the people and officers over them; bring them to the tabernacle of meeting, that they may stand there with you. Then I will come down and talk with you there. I will take of the Spirit that is upon you and will put the same upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, that you may not bear it yourself alone.” —Numbers 11:16-17

Pushing hard with many hours and demands can become counterproductive. We need to set boundaries around our time and energy to protect ourselves. God is aware of our limitations and encourages us to lighten the load by delegating responsibility to others who can help us be more productive and effective. We should consider our responsibilities and how we can delegate to others in order to get the job done.

But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. —Isaiah 40:31

Isaiah reminded God’s people of the value of waiting upon the Lord. “Waiting” does not mean inactivity; rather, it is patient service that is not over committed and overextended.

Many desire to “mount up with wings like eagles,” but they assume that the harder they run the more likely they will fly. The harder people run the more likely they will fall. Instead, “those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.” Such “waiting” is the antidote for spiritual burnout.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. —Matthew 11:28-30

Jesus says that He will take from our shoulders the heavy burdens that are burning us out, and replace them with an easy yoke, a light burden. Jesus is in touch with the burdens of life that we carry and how much they hurt and exhaust us. When we give our troubled hearts to Him, He gives us rest for our souls. That kind of rest will cure our burnout and renew our enthusiasm for Him.

And He said to them, “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat. So they departed to a deserted place in the boat by themselves. —Mark 6:31-32

Even our Savior, being God, was aware of His human limitations. He never seemed to be in a hurry; He didn’t work 24-hour days. Even as more and more people crowded to Him to hear His words and be healed, He would often withdraw into the wilderness and pray (Luke 5:15-17). After an exhausting time of ministry, Jesus invited His disciples to take a break in order to refresh themselves. A hectic schedule takes a physical, emotional, and spiritual toll on us. God knows that we need to come aside and rest a while so that we don’t burn out. He will refresh us so that we can continue to serve Him.

Rest and refreshment is not wasted time.

Focus on the Task at Hand

2009-05-29T08:34:00.001-04:00

by Max Lucado

Life is tough enough as it is. It's even tougher when we're headed in the wrong direction.

One of the incredible abilities of Jesus was to stay on target. His life never got off track. Not once do we find him walking down the wrong side of the fairway. He had no money, no computers, no jets, no administrative assistants or staff; yet Jesus did what many of us fail to do. He kept his life on course.

As Jesus looked across the horizon of his future, he could see many targets. Many flags were flapping in the wind, each of which he could have pursued. He could have been a political revolutionary. He could have been a national leader. He could have been content to be a teacher and educate minds or to be a physician and heal bodies. But in the end he chose to be a Savior and save souls.

Anyone near Christ for any length of time heard it from Jesus himself. "The Son of Man came to find lost people and save them" (Luke 19:10). "The Son of Man did not come to be served. He came to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many people" (Mark 10:45).

The heart of Christ was relentlessly focused on one task. The day he left the carpentry shop of Nazareth he had one ultimate aim--the cross of Calvary. He was so focused that his final words were, "It is finished" (John 19:30).

How could Jesus say he was finished? There were still the hungry to feed, the sick to heal, the untaught to instruct, and the unloved to love. How could he say he was finished? Simple. He had completed his designated task. His commission was fulfilled. The painter could set aside his brush, the sculptor lay down his chisel, the writer put away his pen. The job was done.

Wouldn't you love to be able to say the same? Wouldn't you love to look back on your life and know you had done what you were called to do?

From
Let the Journey Begin:
God's Roadmap for New Beginnings
© (J Countryman 2009) Max Lucado

Habitat for Humanity

2009-05-27T08:34:00.000-04:00

by Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD Almighty" (Zechariah 4:6 NIV).

Friend to Friend
It was the incompetent and the inexperienced being led by the inept -- the day our Sunday School Class worked on the Habitat for Humanity house for an unsuspecting, extremely grateful Vietnamese family. Among the crew were two dentists, an investment banker, a lawyer, an engineer, two pastors, a receptionist, several homemakers and a marriage counselor. It's always good to have a marriage counselor on hand when a home improvement project is taking place.

The one-thousand square foot, vinyl siding house had already been framed by a team the week before. Today was sheetrock, or drywall day. The site supervisor's name was TA. That's all the information he gave -- just TA. TA became a Christian one Easter when he reluctantly agreed to go to church with his praying wife.

"I never went to church," he told my husband. "I was a mean man who worked seven days a week. But one Sunday I put on a suit and told my wife, 'I'm going to church with you today, but don't ask me to do it again. This is a onetime deal.' But Jesus saved my soul that day and I've been livin' for Him ever since."

That was TA. A country carpenter who had hammered more nails for Jesus than Noah and his son's put together. He grabbed his clipboard and began.

"Does anyone here know anything about dry wall?" he asked.

Jeff reluctantly raised his hand.

"OK, you'll be a team leader." TA checked the list and moved right along.

"But that was thirty years ago when I was in college," Jeff clarified.

"You'll be fine," TA said as he waved his hand. "Like riding a bike."

I could tell you many stories of the day filled with wacky work and lively laughter laced with caring community, but let me share just one.

Palmer was part of the sheetrock team. Like Rambo, he wielded his screw gun and popped those babies in the sheetrock like a hot knife through butter. Piece of cake. After several hours of neck craning, screw popping, dust in your eyes labor, Palmer took a fifteen minute break.

Re-energized, Rambo picked up his machine gun and once again attacked the ceiling. A lot of forgetting can go on in a fifteen minute break and for some reason the screws forgot how they were supposed to spin out of the gun and magically implant flush with the ceiling.

"That's strange," Palmer thought as he examined the screw protruding one inch from the ceiling.

He moved the gun over a couple of inches and tried again. "Maybe I just need to push harder" he mused. With all the force of a trained counselor, Palmer pressed the gun into the ceiling and pulled the trigger. Once again, the screw hung down one inch from the ceiling.

Like a tennis player who examines his racket after missing an easy lob, or an outfielder who stares at his glove after missing a simple fly ball, Palmer looked at the gun in frustration. "Something is definitely wrong with this gun," the mumbled. "I guess I need to push even harder." Palmer set his jaw, clinched the gun, and firmly pressed the screw gun into the ceiling. "I'm a man. I can do this. I'm going to make this work."

After a third attempt, a frustrated Palmer stared at a neatly placed row of three taunting stalactite screws protruding from the ceiling.

About that time, TA bounced through the room and casually commented to Rambo still holding his gun. "Hey Buddy, you might want to take that gun out of reverse."

A flush of embarrassment rose from the tip of Palmer's dusty shoes to the top of his sandy- blond head. He nonchalantly flipped the switch to forward and proceeded to shoot flush screws efficiently and effectively like nothing had ever happened.

Later, Palmer laughingly said, "Sometimes I'm not the brightest person in the world, but I wonder how many rows of protruding screws I would have shot into that ceiling before I stopped and even considered that the problem might be me?"

OK sisters, stop the cameras. Suddenly I saw myself staring up at those protruding screws with my baffled friend. "What's wrong with her," I complain about a friend who's let me down. "What's wrong with him," I complain about my husband who's not acting according to my plan. "What's wrong with them," I mumble about family members who are not living up to my expectations." In frustration, I continue repeating the same ineffective behavior, never stopping to consider the problem might be me.

Whether it's a string of jobs where you're always treated unfairly, a pileup of relationships that seem to repeatedly end poorly, or a series of marriages with spouses who've let you down...could the problem be...dare I say... you? We push harder. Press more firmly. Repeat the same ineffective behavior again and again.

May I quote TA? "Hey Buddy. It might help if you take it out of reverse."

May I translate TA the way I heard it? "Hey Buddy. You are the problem. You've got life in reverse. Turn and go in the opposite direction."

And you know what? That is the definition of repentance. To turn around and go in the opposite direction.

Palmer could have pushed that screw gun into the ceiling until its nose broke through the sheetrock. He could have forced those babies in -- even hammered them flush. Then he could have slathered a coat of sheetrock mud over the holes and applied a nice coat of paint. On the outside, it might have looked like the screws were properly installed. But the truth would come out eventually. The screw threads would have simply cut a hole in the material and the purpose for which they were created lost. There would be no grip of the screw threads into the drywall. No security in the construction. Just a nicely painted ceiling on the verge of collapse.

Oh friend, when it comes to a life that is not working, we can try harder, push harder, and even pound with emotional hammers to try and make it work. With a fresh coat of pretend-- a smiling face, spit-shined kids, and a well marked Bible, we might look OK -- even downright good. But underneath, the construction remains shaky at best.

But when trying harder is replaced with repentance, shaky is replaced by secure. If life isn't working for you, consult with the project manager -- Jesus Christ. Trying harder is not the answer. Pushing with more force won't get the job done well. Repeating the same ineffective behavior will only leave you frustrated. But relying on the power of the Holy Spirit working in us, God's love flowing through us, and Jesus Christ's redeeming grace surrounding us, well, that is the key to building God's ultimate habitat for all humanity.

Let's Pray
Dear Heavenly Father, sometimes I just don't get it. I try harder, but with the same results. I repeat the same ineffective behavior and then wonder why I don't have more victory in my life. Help me to stop trying harder in my own strength, but start depending more on Your power. Show me when I need to turn and go in the opposite direction, and give me the courage to do so.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Now It's Your Turn
Today's assignment is to read Romans 7 and answer the following questions:

What was Paul's struggle?

Have you ever felt like Paul?

What was Paul's answer to the struggle?

What does "walking in the Spirit" look like to you?

Mountain tops versus Valleys

2009-05-26T16:34:00.004-04:00

I've heard this saying before: Mountain tops are great, but fruit grows in the valleys. I understand what this means in relation to the Christian walk. I understand that if I never had problems, I would never understand God's power, love, mercy, grace, etc; the same way that we would never understand cold weather if there was never hot weather.

Coming back from this missions trip, I don't find myself on the mountain top like some people, nor am I in the valley like other people. I guess I'm in the foothills. What's that about? What happens in the foothills? Where's the saying for that place?

In going to North Dakota, I was looking for a rest from my ordinary and a chance to serve others and see God working in other people's lives. And in typical missions trip fashion, I learned more about myself than I did anyone else. Sure, I made friends and got to know my current friends better (or at least in a different light), but what about myself? God sent me there, now where's my lesson? Is it selfish to want a personal lesson from God everywhere? I just want to see Him! To be close to Him and to know Him better than I ever have! That's my goal this summer. I want to spend so much time with Him that everything else I could possibly do pales in comparison.

In learning about the Sioux Indians and their traditions and how they currently live their lives, I found that the things they hold sacred are purely for the sake of tradition, there's hardly any heart behind it anymore. The tribal leaders are gone, the Powwows are now just dance competitions, and the children run around with no shoes and no one to care where they are or what they are doing. It was as if all their traditions that were once so important to them and filled with meaning are now empty and only there for the sake of tradition. The meaning behind their traditions has gone. What are my "traditions" and is there still meaning behind them or am I just walking this path because it's the one I know best?

We built a small playground, cleaned the church, mowed grass, planted flowers and a garden full of veggies. We played with the children and we cooked them food. The seeds were planted, and we left Pastor Boots to water and cultivate them.

Before we left, we prayed over Boots. Each person, one by one, came up and put their hands on Boots and prayed over him. He said later that he felt like he had been ordained a second time. There were tears in everyone's eyes. Looking back on it, it feels like we did so very little to actually help. The work of our hands and sweat of our brows can only do so much. Those people are in God's hands. May they accept His mercy before it's too late and they only see His wrath. We gave Boots an offering, I'm not sure how much, but I heard it was close to $500. I know Boots will put it where it is needed most.

1 Tim. 4:13-16 (Message)
"Stay at your post reading Scripture, giving counsel, teaching. And that special gift of ministry you were given when the leaders of the church laid hands on you and prayed- keep that dusted off and in use. Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them. The people will all see you mature right before their eyes! Keep a firm grasp on both your character and your teaching. Don't be diverted. Just keep at it. Both you and those who hear you will experience salvation."

Set Your Compass in the Right Direction

2009-05-26T08:37:00.000-04:00

by Max Lucado

The problem is not that God hasn't spoken but that we haven't listened.

Imagine your reaction if I were to take a telephone book, open it up, and proclaim, I have found a list of everyone who's on welfare!Or what if I said, Here is a list of college graduates! Or, This book will tell us who has a red car. You'd probably say, "Now wait a minute--that's not the purpose of that book. You're holding a telephone book. Its purpose is simply to reveal the name and number of residents of a city during a certain time frame."

Only by understanding its purpose can I accurately use the telephone book. Only by understanding its purpose can I accurately use the Bible...

The purpose of the Bible is simply to proclaim God's plan to save his children. It asserts that man is lost and needs to be saved. And it communicates the message that Jesus is the God in the flesh sent to save his children.

Though the Bible was written over sixteen centuries by at least forty authors, it has one central theme--salvation through faith in Christ. Begun by Moses in the lonely desert of Arabia and finished by John on the lonely Isle of Patmos, it is held together by a strong thread: God's passion and God's plan to save his children.

What a vital truth! Understanding the purpose of the Bible is like setting the compass in the right direction. Calibrate it correctly and you'll journey safely. But fail to set it, and who knows where you'll end up.

Blog on the missions trip is coming soon....