my life of books...

First off, let me tell you that I am a book lover. Just accept it, it'll make this whole thing much easier to understand.

When I was a kid, I loved books. They followed me everywhere and I spent much of my day with my nose buried in a book.

By high school, most of my brain power was given over to books and the lives their stories contained. I was aware of reality, but only in respect to whatever book I was reading at the time.  

By college, I was well into discovering who I was going to become by falling down a rabbit hole, losing my way for a while, but then waking up to find I really liked who was I on the path to becoming. 

Grad school brought a whole new level of reading, exhaustion, and discovery. I read more than I had ever read in my life and often fell asleep with a book on my face (which wasn't really new). I learned more of who I didn't want to be than who I needed to be.

My reality now is much more "normalized". A good book and a cup of tea make the perfect afternoon. But I know I cannot live in the stories I read, God is writing too good of a story with my life for me to lose myself in fiction. I love a good book and always will, but God's reality is SO much more exciting!!


To Be Continued....

When God speaks, write it down!

January 23, 2011, GCC Worship Service. God spoke,  I wrote:

I am the Rock so that you can lean on Me. I'm strong so you can be real. I'm worthy so you can just be human. Don't be what you're not. If you're tired,  be tired. If you're weak, be weak. Let Me handle this. I love you enough to be all of the things you need and cannot be. I love you so much! I want to be everything for you and that doesn't even begin to cover it! I love you enough to not only die for you, but to leave my grave and take care of you! I want to take care of you! I ask nothing of you in return. I just want to wrap My arms around you when you're sad, fix you when you're broken, touch you when you're desperate for Me, heal your heart when it bleeds.

I am the Rock so that you don't have to be. I'm strong so you can be weak. I'm Holy Spirit so you can be human. I'm perfect. Don't try to be what you're not! It will only hurt you, tear you down, and leave you defeated. I'm your victory! Let Me be that for you!

I know you are broken, let Me fix you. Let Me be your restoration, let Me be your smile. It's not easy and if it were, I would have called someone else. But I called you for a reason. Trust and rely on Me and you will grow to a place beyond your imagination! Trust me with your heart, your talents, your strength, and your love. I crafted you for this, let Me continue to mold you as it pleases Me for the ministry of my people.

sooo... it's 2011 now

I haven't gotten used to writing that date yet. Since the only times I ever really write the date anymore are on checks and since I pretty much don't write those but once a month, I'm really not used to writing 2011.

2010 was a pretty awesome year! Lots of new things started (*ahemGENESIScough*) and my new job that lies therein. I've gone through quite a few steps in my learning this year. My painting has improved a bit as well, which is always nice. :-)

What am I hoping for for 2011.... I'm hoping for some more of God's awesome plans to fall down on me. Someone looked at me yesterday and said, "You have a really good life." I could only agree, but prefaced it with "it hasn't always been this way." I have worked for the things I have, and I have to continue to work for them. I am very well taken care of, but that's because I have learned myself enough to know what I need and that God has my needs at heart and let Him run this life-show. For 2011, I'm hoping that God continues this work He has started in me and, more importantly, that I let Him.

i am kate: Today.

i am kate: Today.: "Today I am cynical and restless. Today I want to curl up in a ball and weep my way through a bowl of ice cream. Today I wonder, 'How..."

Today

Today I want to curl up in a ball and weep my way through a bowl of ice cream.

Today I wonder, "How did I get here...and when will it too, pass?"

Today I feel unattractive and inadequate.

Today I am honest.  Today I feel deeply.  Today I am lonely.

I pray that tomorrow brings peace, hope, and desire.

I pray that today is just that: only today.

From: i am kate

The day a Hysterectomy sounds good....

The Day A Hysterectomy Sounds Good by Amy Cox

The day a hysterectomy sounds good
Is the twenty-four hour period each month
Where my uterus feels as though it is trying to expel itself from my body
And I am more than willing to stop the madness and have it all removed....
If it weren't for the mother in me
The one that rationalizes my wide midsection as the perfect childbearing hips
The one that longs to go lingerie shoppping, maternity clothes shopping, and eventually baby clothes shopping
To set up a nursery and spend hours rocking my tiny babe to sleep

But today,
Just like every month
The hormones rage,
The tears flow,
And I think,
There's always adoption

Oh, Oswald Chambers, you're good.

"Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." 2 Timothy 2:15

If you cannot express yourself well on each of your beliefs, work and study until you can. If you don’t, other people may miss out on the blessings that come from knowing the truth. Strive to re-express a truth of God to yourself clearly and understandably, and God will use that same explanation when you share it with someone else. But you must be willing to go through God’s winepress where the grapes are crushed. You must struggle, experiment, and rehearse your words to express God’s truth clearly. Then the time will come when that very expression will become God’s wine of strength to someone else. But if you are not diligent and say, “I’m not going to study and struggle to express this truth in my own words; I’ll just borrow my words from someone else,” then the words will be of no value to you or to others. Try to state to yourself what you believe to be the absolute truth of God, and you will be allowing God the opportunity to pass it on through you to someone else.

Always make it a practice to stir your own mind thoroughly to think through what you have easily believed. Your position is not really yours until you make it yours through suffering and study. The author or speaker from whom you learn the most is not the one who teaches you something you didn’t know before, but the one who helps you take a truth with which you have quietly struggled, give it expression, and speak it clearly and boldly.

Introvert Spasm

An Introvert Spasm is when a person with an introverted personality suddenly cannot handle interaction with other human beings. It seems to happen suddenly, but this is deceiving. In fact, an introvert spasm takes time to build up in the introvert's system before is spasms out. While the introvert might not notice the symptoms of the building up process, it's been documented that after the introvert realizes what's happening, they can note the symptoms and be in a better position next time to avoid the complete spasming effect.

... until then.... I will continue to have my introvert spasm.

With age comes....

Yesterday I turned 30. Yeah, I know, no one thought I was that old, but yeah. 1980 was a good year :-)

I like having a birthday near the end of the year because it gives me a chance to not only evaluate my January-December year, but also that year in my life. Last night I thought this through and was finally okay with being 30. My birthday is when I make resolutions, not New Years. But the things I decide to do are more powerful than resolutions because they take place on my birthday, it's more personal that way.

27 was a bad year for me. Really bad. I made some of the worse decisions in my life (and I knew better!) and suffered relatively light consequences considering what could have happened. I was depressed for most of that year and running from God with a lot of intentionality. I didn't want Him, I didn't want to do what I was supposed to be doing because that had never really been fun before and I wanted to have some fun. I was dumb.

28 rolls around and I struggled with some big decisions and knew I just couldn't make them on my own. It took me almost a full month to get my work schedule set so that I had Sundays off, but I did it. I darkened the door of a local church the first Sunday of 2008. I went to that church because the building looked cool and it looked big enough that I thought I could just remain anonymous. No one would pay attention to me and I could follow through with my birthday resolution with minimal fuss. I was wrong.

Sunday morning I went to Sunday school then the church service. Pretty normal, only slightly awkward.

 I filled out the communication card because that's just what ya do. Monday evening (while shoe shopping) I got a phone call from the pastor followed by a phone call from their student intern. This goofy kid invited me to their college and career Bible study Tuesday night. As I was talking to him, I looked him up on facebook (his picture is startling, is it not?). Despite his profile picture, he was so nice I decided that I would go at least once and check it out. Afterwards I joined the group for dinner and was invited to Rhythm on Thursday night.

I wasn't going to go. I really wasn't. I was tired, it had been an awful day, all I wanted to do was go home and drink. But I went anyway. I was late, missed part of worship, and sat in the back. The music was loud and I didn't know any of the words, but it made my tired face smile a little. Then this little bald guy got up and start bouncing around and preaching about heartbeats and rhythms and I don't know what else. I couldn't tell you what he talked about, but I can tell you the God I saw in this little guy. He was a powerhouse.

Since then, I've been hooked. Literally. God flipped my life upside-down that year and hasn't not stopped.

When 29 hit, I knew it was going to be a good year. My friends through me a "surprise" birthday party and it was fabulous! This was the year Genesis got planted. I remember telling Lewis I wasn't a church planter, it just wasn't what I saw myself doing. I was wrong. (Noticing a trend?) God blew my mind this past year with everything He has taught me and is continuing to teach me. More has happened durning my 29th year than I can tell you. To sum up, I now work for that little bald guy who is also my pastor and friend. I also work with that silly kid from the phone who has become one of my greatest friends. There's so much more, more than I could ever hope to type. Maybe I'll write a book some day.

But for today, I'm 30 and I'm excited about it!

HP books according to Draco Malfoy

Draco Malfoy and the Rejected Handshake
Draco Malfoy and the Better-than-Potter’s Broomstick
Draco Malfoy and Hagrid’s Bloody Chicken
Draco Malfoy and the Year His Father Would Hear About
Draco Malfoy and the Inquisitorial Squad
Draco Malfoy and the Vanishing Cabinet
Draco Malfoy and the Year He Realized He Had Been a Douchebag

(Source: skykingcat)