Hypnogaja "Looking Glass"

There's a place where the garden can take you
Through the looking glass
Find a way with the plants - they can take you
To your path
Chase away all the funny pain
Down the rabbit hole
And another world awaits behind the little door

You can go ask Alice
Just why the hatter is mad

All are welcome in Wonderland
'Till the queen screams off with your head
And life will always get twisted
When you're living it through the looking glass

There's a that cat smiles like
The crescent moon
And the caterpillar that needs a light
On top of his mushroom

You can go ask Alice
Just why the hatter is mad

Next time you see the white rabbit run free
You might not want to follow
Lose your youth, cause beauty is truth
It's just harder to swallow

So go and ask Alice
Why the hatter is mad
She'll turn when you see her
And laugh

The Surrendered Life

March 8, 2010

The Surrendered Life

I have been crucified with Christ . . . —Galatians 2:20

To become one with Jesus Christ, a person must be willing not only to give up sin, but also to surrender his whole way of looking at things. Being born again by the Spirit of God means that we must first be willing to let go before we can grasp something else. The first thing we must surrender is all of our pretense or deceit. What our Lord wants us to present to Him is not our goodness, honesty, or our efforts to do better, but real solid sin. Actually, that is all He can take from us. And what He gives us in exchange for our sin is real solid righteousness. But we must surrender all pretense that we are anything, and give up all our claims of even being worthy of God’s consideration.

Once we have done that, the Spirit of God will show us what we need to surrender next. Along each step of this process, we will have to give up our claims to our rights to ourselves. Are we willing to surrender our grasp on all that we possess, our desires, and everything else in our lives? Are we ready to be identified with the death of Jesus Christ?

We will suffer a sharp painful disillusionment before we fully surrender. When people really see themselves as the Lord sees them, it is not the terribly offensive sins of the flesh that shock them, but the awful nature of the pride of their own hearts opposing Jesus Christ. When they see themselves in the light of the Lord, the shame, horror, and desperate conviction hit home for them.

If you are faced with the question of whether or not to surrender, make a determination to go on through the crisis, surrendering all that you have and all that you are to Him. And God will then equip you to do all that He requires of you.

Taking the Next Step

March 6, 2010

Taking the Next Step

. . . in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses —2 Corinthians 6:4

When you have no vision from God, no enthusiasm left in your life, and no one watching and encouraging you, it requires the grace of Almighty God to take the next step in your devotion to Him, in the reading and studying of His Word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him. It takes much more of the grace of God, and a much greater awareness of drawing upon Him, to take that next step, than it does to preach the gospel.

Every Christian must experience the essence of the incarnation by bringing the next step down into flesh-and-blood reality and by working it out with his hands. We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. And the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you. Never allow yourself to think that some tasks are beneath your dignity or too insignificant for you to do, and remind yourself of the example of Christ in John 13:1-17 .

Spring is in the air (I refuse to believe otherwise)

I know that it's only the beginning of March, but I want spring to be in the air so badly that I refuse to believe that it's going to snow again before summer! Daylight savings time is in a week and I'm really really ready to have some spring in my life! I need the sun on my face, the warm breeze blowing through my hair, and flipflops on my feet! I love shoes of all kinds (I am a woman after all), but in the summer, I wear flipflops and sandals... I'm ready! Toenails are painted and ready to go!

Dear God, can it be spring now?

Her terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

John 8:1-11 (New International Version)

1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

11"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."


Craig preached on this tonight at Rhythm (12/10/09) and made some fantastic points, one of which is that this story is not about the woman, that she was just a tool that the Pharisees used to try to get Jesus. And he’s right. But nothing in Scripture is wasted and so I would like to take a minute or two and talk about the woman.

Have you ever had that horrible dream where you are in some very public place like church or school or work and you are completely naked? Not a stitch of clothing on you and there is nothing that you can do about it! Some people are shocked at the sight of you and turn their heads or cover their husband’s or child’s eyes. Some people are mortified for you and shoot you looks of pity as they pass by, but never offer you any assistance. Some people are insulted as if your nakedness is a personal assault on them. And some people just laugh. Well, this woman’s worst nightmare came true. But not just in front of any person, but instead in front of a large crowd of people, in front of the religious leaders of her day, and in front of Jesus Himself! And not only was her worst nightmare coming true, it was coming true to get at someone else! Her worst nightmare was being used as a tool to try to catch an innocent man! If this woman didn’t know what it felt like to be used before, she sure knew now. Did she even realize that she was being used? And if she did, did that compound the hurt? Show me a woman who claims to have never felt used in her whole life and I will show you a liar. We’ve all felt it at some point or other, even if sometimes we don’t realize it until after the fact.

As Craig preached, I started to wonder about this woman standing there. Was she even dressed? Did they drag her out of whoever’s bed she was in and not even let her get dressed or even drag a sheet with her? Was the humiliation of being caught in the act compounded by her being naked? I don’t know but for her sake I hope she was able to get some clothes on before they flung her in front of Jesus. The Bible says that they made her “stand” in front of the crowd. Was her head hung down? Was she wringing her hands? Was she trying to cover her nakedness? And what was she thinking? Was she bargaining with God? “God, if You get me out of this, I promise that I’ll live for You!” Or was she pleading with God to spare her with the only two words she could manage, “oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God….” Were her arms wrapped around her middle as she slightly rocked back and forth, just waiting for the first stone to fly? Or did she just want to die and get it over with? After all, we don’t know why she was committing adultery. We assume it was her choice, but since this story isn’t really about her, we’re not told her whole story.

We know that she was humiliated and her life was on the line. The stones were ready to fly right at her to kill her. But wait, no one’s throwing anything. The men who are accusing her are all looking at this other man, waiting for Him to cast judgment on her, as if waiting for His signal to let the stones fly. But He’s just drawing in the sand….. What the heck?

This poor woman! I have had some pretty bad days, but nothing I could ever go through in my lifetime could equal her terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day on that day. But little did she know that from this humiliation would come her salvation. Yes, to stand naked in front of this large crowd, all the religious leaders, and God Himself would be the ultimate humiliation. But we stand naked before God all the time; He knows everything about us, about our lives, about our hopes and dreams, and about our failures. And yet, He loves us. Even with the full knowledge of every single one of our faults, He died for us. His grace is sufficient. It was sufficient for this woman then and it is sufficient for us now and always.

Today was my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and I can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my life was NEVER on the line today. No one was trying to kill me and no one was trying to use me to get an innocent man.

When Jesus told to woman to go and leave her life of sin, I wonder if she cried… again… or more because I’m sure she had to have been crying the whole time she was standing there. I wonder if she was so relieved to still be alive that her knees gave away and she fell to the ground at Jesus’ feet. There are so many things I wonder about in this story, but one thing I do not wonder about and that is grace. It’s perfectly displayed here by Jesus.

“Grace. Grace. God’s grace. Grace that will pardon and cleanse within. Grace. Grace. God’s grace. Grace that is greater than all our sin.”

shattered by the fall...

Sometimes, more often than not lately, I sit at my new job, look around at the people working, the people actually doing ministry and thoughts come into my head about how I'm not actually doing ministry. What is my ministry anyway? I sit here and jump up whenever someone actually needs something? What good am I really? I get people drinks, I close the door to keep the cold out, I file stuff, I put things in folders. What good am I? I apparently can't cut straight even when I have a cutter. I'm trying not to feel useless, but I'm not really doing very much. I know that I'm capable of more but what am I doing now? Do I need to be doing something now besides reading, getting to know the staff, and loving on them? Is that my only ministry? Can I handle more or am I just not ready yet?

These thoughts are not healthy.....

This song is healthy....

Carried To The Table :

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

A new beginning

It's hard to imagine that something that I've been waiting for for what seems like a lifetime has finally arrived! The reality is that I have only been waiting for this to happen since May 2009, but it feels like much longer. Last Friday, January 29th 2010, was my last day working at Automated Horizons, Inc. After working there for two years in various jobs and learning a lot about computers (and lawyers), I'm done. It was an interesting time for me, an in-between time of doing something, but not what I really wanted to be doing.

Behold the power of specific prayer and praying in God's will: This summer I prayed for a house to live in and a job in a church. I asked specifically if my good friend Lewis could buy a house and rent it to me. I asked specifically if I could be the secretary of a church. Ladies and Germs, both of those things have happened!! Lewis bought the house that he now rents to me and two other wonderful Godly Women (SWOGs) and on Monday I start my new job as secretary to Genesis Community Church! It's hard to imagine getting something that you pray for, not because of a lack of faith, but just because when we do get our prayers answered, most of the time we are so busy being happy about it that we forget that this was something we actually prayed for! People are dumb sometimes. :-)

Another thing I would never have imagined (and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it) is the thought of staying in Roanoke, Va for this long! This was clearly not my choice. I had grand schemes of going off to the UK and not coming back for a long time. Not because I wanted to get away from anything or anyone, but just to go off and "have my own adventure". The idea of staying here just didn't really appeal to me at all. It started to feel like such a "small town" with small minded people with bad grammar. But God has given me a home here, a place to belong, a family, a community of believers that I love dearly (even though I don't know all of their names yet). I would never have imagined this!

And now for something completely different:

There are some people in my life who are desperately praying for God's will in their lives, and it feels like He's taking His time answering. But know this, God does what God wants and it is always for our good and His glory. God is not going to set you up to fail, it's not how He works! God is love, but He is also wisdom. It's easy to think that God's love is like a huge umbrella that covers us from all trouble and we can just go on our way thinking that it doesn't matter what we do because God's love has us covered. Or that His love makes Him just a little blind to our faults. God's love is not a get out of jail free card. No, my friend, believe me when I say that He sees every single one of our faults and loves us anyway but that does not mean that He doesn't desire to see something given in return. His love is a gift, a free gift. There are many verses to back that up. But shouldn't such a powerful gift, if we have truly accepted it, make a change in us? If we truly love God in response to His love for us, shouldn't we have a desire to please Him with our lives? When people do something incredibly nice for us, do we not want to reciprocate? Of course we do! Well, God allowed His only Son to die a horrible death; what shall our response be?

living the cliche

Music brings back memories nearly as quickly as smells do. The Decemberists’ “Picaresque”. When I first got this record over two years ago, it was during the spring. J—told me I would like it, he was right of course. He always knew what kind of music would speak to me. I would listen to it on my tiny iPod and sit on the tiny balcony and smoke. If it was evening, a beer would be involved as well. During that summer, I would listen to it with my feet propped up on the rail, trying desperately to get a little sun on my extreme paleness.

It was a strange time where all I had to do was go to work (no summer classes) and come home again. It was also strange because of how I had peopled my life. I had friends, good ones, not-so-good ones, ambivalent ones, drunken ones, sober ones, smelly ones, and highly caffeinated ones. My friends were always good for a beer, smoke, or faux hawk. On some level, I miss the easy camaraderie that we had. There were times we just sat there, didn’t say anything or do anything, just sat and existed near each other. Sometime we would talk. R— and I would talk Foucault or Nietzsche, J—and I would talk Shakespeare and other classics, Je—and I would talk writing our own stories or dealing with abusive men, B—would tell funny stories and play on the floor like a cat, chasing his cell around refusing to use his thumbs. We were very existential. J—and B—would get out their guitars and mandolins and play and sing. Je—and I listened. That was our life. That is still their life.

But now, listening to this music, allowing it to take me back to that time of existence (for existing was all we were really good at), I have decided that moving on is best. It was good for a time, and perhaps it was a needed time of little responsibility or at least little acknowledgement of responsibility. But I’ve moved on. I haven’t had a beer in longer than I can remember. I haven’t smoked in even longer. And I hadn’t listened to this record in at least a year.

“16 Military Wives”, “From My Own True Love (Lost at Sea)”, “The Engine Driver”, and “The Mariner’s Revenge Song” all trigger something in my brain that takes me back to that balcony on a lazy, summer, Salem day. The smells of fresh air, cigarette smoke, and J—‘s hair gel holding up his faux hawk. The sights of the sunny courtyard of our apartment building and the wiry maintenance man trudging down the sidewalk puffing on the weed dangling from his barely-there teeth. The feel of the warm sun on my extremely pale feet and the breeze just slight enough to move our cigarette smoke along. The sounds of birds in the bush under the balcony, Re—playing unidentifiable music in his apartment next to the balcony, and Mo the Cat trying to catch the aforementioned birds through the screen of the kitchen window and getting frustrated. The stale tastes of cigarettes, coffee, and beer mingled with just a hint of cinnamon toothpaste.

Yes, music brings back memories nearly as quickly as smells do.

thoughts on this evening...

The more I grow and learn, the more I realize that there is a group of people in this world that seem to be built a little differently. They have a certain something about them that makes them seem stronger, able to handle more than others. A majority of these people are called women. Women seem to be built with a few uncanny qualities that few men I’ve known possess. I think most will agree that women have certain abilities that men are just not made with, and I’m not just talking about childbirth. I’m talking about the ability to look at you and see into your soul; the ability to fix everything with a hug, kind words, and good back scratch (the kind that you can still feel 15 minutes later); and the ability to hold what seems like the weight of the world on their shoulders and not only still stand up straight, but counsel another friend at the same time. Women are strong, strong people. But from this strength can come a huge problem, the “I can handle this” problem.

Sometimes we women get so used to “handling it” that we forget the Almighty God who wants to handle things for us. He wants to take the world off of our shoulders so we can go through the day without a headache! The only catch is that we have to let go of the world before He can take it. We have to willingly give it to Him and not try to take it back. There’s the rub. Some of the strongest women I know have gained their strength because they have not had someone stronger than them in their lives to help relieve the burdens they have carried and as a result they have trouble giving their own burdens to God and letting Him keep them.

I was speaking with a friend that has the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her job is demanding, her living situation is very demanding, and her family is currently going through more than one crisis. She is so stressed that her body is physically sick. She is very close to becoming angry and bitter at God. At one point, she questioned God for giving her too much to handle at one time. And don’t all women do that at some point? Do we not all try to tell God how much we can and cannot handle and how dare He cross that line and give us too much? Of course we do, whether we admit or not, we do, we have, and we will.

A few years ago, I was told that I had “grit” and that time the only thought that came to mind was a John Wayne movie called “True Grit” but I had idea what it was about. I still have no idea what that movie is about, but I have a few thoughts on the word “grit” and whether or not it’s a good thing. At the time it was said to me, I was a little insulted because, in my girlishness, I was hoping for something a little more flattering. But now I see things a little differently.

“Grit” from a thesaurus “courage, bravery, pluck, mettle, backbone, spirit, strength of character, strength of will, moral fiber, steel, nerve, fortitude, toughness, hardiness, resolve, resolution, determination, tenacity, perseverance, endurance.” These are nice things to have as they have come in very handy when dealing with certain aspects of my life, but they have also been a hindrance because I start to think that I can handle things better than God. Now, I don’t go around saying that I can handle things better than God, that would just be crazy. But every time I try to handle something without consulting Him, without letting Him be the leader, without having His guidance, without giving it to Him, I’m basically telling Him that I can do it better than He can.

Yes, women are strong. We have to be. Coming from a military family, I have seen and see daily how women are strong for their husbands, how women support their husbands. In my experience, the supporter must be as strong or stronger than the supported. Yes, men are physically stronger, and in a battle of the sexes, men might win. And yes, this is a battle, but not of the sexes, but for the sexes! As Christian men and women, our struggle is not against each other, but we fight side by side against “principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Eph 6:12 NKJV). God made men and women to work together, to work in harmony with each other against the evil powers of this world. But two are better than one only if God has put those together. We women sometimes have to hard time being alone, which is ironic when you stop to consider who strong we are. Society has made us feel incomplete if we are not married or with at least with someone. A single woman in her thirties is nearing “old maid” status and should probably invest in at least two cats if you follow society’s philosophy on the subject… unless of course, you are a career woman, and then it’s okay to be single as long as you plan on getting married at some point in your life.

Ladies, society has lied to you! We have spent too much of our lives watching Walt Disney’s ideas on love, Prince Charming, and a heroine with perfect hair, that we have forgotten God’s reality! God has a plan for your life, a plan that you have been carefully crafted by His hands to accomplish and everything in your life, all the weights you have carried over the years are for that plan! The daily headaches I struggle with make my compassion for the pains of others skyrocket because I have a special, very personal understanding of what that pain really feels like. And when the pain gets so bad my eyes can’t focus anymore, I have to stop, pray for strength and wisdom, and continue on with the plan in the full knowledge that God is working through me because my strength is completely gone. Sometimes, we have to get to that point before we learn the lesson on how to give things to God and let Him keep them. It’s not that God enjoys laying more and more on our shoulders, it’s that He understands that we have been built to hold so much, that we have to be broken by the weight before we remember to give things to Him. It is sad that it has to happen that way and I wish it were not so, but we are stubborn people with stubborn souls and He is a patient God who only wants the best for us. In our weakness, He is at His strongest because it is when we are weak that we rely most on Him. Would that we were weak all the time! I wish I had never been told that I had grit! I wish I never realized my own strength so that I would have always relied on God for everything! But pride rarely fails to step in and tell me that I can handle it on my own.

Sisters (and brothers too) we are not made to handle things alone! We are made to give things to God and let Him work through us. What are you still holding on to that you know God wants? In order for you grasp all the good things that God has for you, you have to empty your hands of all the things you are holding onto. Release your grasp on the stresses, the worries, the fears, and even the joys. Give them all to God and be ready to be amazed at the gifts He gives you in return. Who else would give you a blessing for giving Him a burden? God wants your burdens as much as any parent wants to relieve their child of hurtful things. Let God have it and you’ll be amazed at the blessings that He pours into you that you never knew you always wanted and needed!

Friend, I love you and God loves you, both more than you know.

Fact or Fiction?

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. (1 Peter 3:15, NIV)

There is a tale told of that great English actor Macready. An eminent preacher once said to him: "I wish you would explain to me something."

"Well, what is it? I don't know that I can explain anything to a preacher."

"What is the reason for the difference between you and me?" The preacher asked. "You are appearing before crowds night after night with fiction, and the crowds come wherever you go. I am preaching the essential and unchangeable truth, and I am not getting any crowd at all."

Macready's answer was this: "This is quite simple. I can tell you the difference between us. I present my fiction as though it were truth; you present your truth as though it were fiction."

Zinger, huh? Sure does challenge my faith-o-meter. J This story both motivates and cautions me. Frankly, Christians embarrass the cause of Christ all the time. It's vital that we be confident in the message of hope we cling to as believers in Jesus, but it's equally vital that we be prepared to share truth in love - share Scripture in proper context - share our hears with meekness and fear for the purpose of attracting others to the restoring love of Christ. We don't need to be Bible scholars with capital letters following our names...but we do need to be Bible girls!

I don't need to harp on the fact that there's a great moral decline in the world. We see that coming and going! As a community of Christ followers in this valley, let's commit ourselves to making a difference in the lives of others, in our homes, among our friends, in our communities, and in this world! To do this, we need to know our Bibles. To think through current issues. We must be prepared to share how we've been changed by the love of God through His Son, Jesus Christ. It's the great commission, and it's for each of us...not for the perfect among us. People around us need to know that God is still in the restoration business - and that He longs to bring His peace, hope and love to every life.

Look at the apostle Paul. He was prepared to speak about Christ wherever he went. In the New Testament book of Acts, we learn that, "from morning 'til evening he explained and declared to them the kingdom of God and tried to convince them about Jesus from the Law of Moses and from the Prophets." (Acts 28:23b, NIV)

The life-changing, peace-giving, truth we know needs to be presented to the world as life-changing, peace-giving truth! Get in His Word - get in His presence - and look for opportunities to share God's love as truth with confidence!

2 Timothy 1:12: "Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed..." Can you say that and mean that?

Are you prepared to give an answer for the hope you have?

Have you been changed by God's grace? Held by His love? Grab your journal and write a paragraph or two that describes how God has worked in your life.