Humans take time

We spend a lot of time talking when we pray. We ask for this and that, we spend some time asking God to help others, and then we start asking things either for ourselves or for our own curiosity. Sometimes we ask God questions about what we should do in our lives or what decisions we should make. Sometimes we wait to ask until the decision really needs to be made and we expect God to answer right then! We say that we believe that everything happens in God's time and it certainly does, but when we wait until the decision absolutely needs to be made to ask God what to do, we are not giving Him or ourselves time. Now God does not need time to process things like we do. He always knows what's going to happen and what decision needs to be made, but the "His timing" part comes in with His timing on when to tell us and sometimes it takes longer because we don't listen! One would imagine that when we ask God a question, we would listen for His answer, but that's not always true. We ask questions and wait for the answer we want, not necessarily the answer we need and when we don't get the answer we want, we stop listening. So God has to bring people and circumstances and whatnot to bring us back around to His way of thinking.

Time, humans take time. We are slow and oftentimes stupid creatures and when we deny God time in our lives, we deny Him the power to change our lives. Ecclesiastes 3 says there is a time for everything. A time to be born, to die, to plant, to uproot, to kill, to live, to cry, to laugh, to mourn, to dance, to search, to give up searching.... to sit down and shut up. We hear in our churches to go out and do, to not be afraid, to learn, to grow, to teach, to blah blah blah and there is nothing wrong with any of those things. But when in all of our going and doing are we spending any time with God? When in our ministry are we intentionally communing with the One who sent us out? Jesus hand chose his disciples intentionally, He taught the lessons that He intentionally at each time and each place. He didn't just throw stuff out there hoping that someone in the crowd would get it. He knew each ear that would hear, each mind that would process, and each hand that would rise in action based on His words. We of course cannot know all these things, we're human. But God can and if we spend time with Him, He wants to tell us. To be prepared is to know the Spirit of God in any given situation. Sometimes we honestly do not have that kind of time and that's why God is God and we are not. But God wants to tell you what He's planning, if we will only sit still long enough to listen.

A new beginning

It's hard to imagine that something that I've been waiting for for what seems like a lifetime has finally arrived! The reality is that I have only been waiting for this to happen since May 2009, but it feels like much longer. Last Friday, January 29th 2010, was my last day working at Automated Horizons, Inc. After working there for two years in various jobs and learning a lot about computers (and lawyers), I'm done. It was an interesting time for me, an in-between time of doing something, but not what I really wanted to be doing.

Behold the power of specific prayer and praying in God's will: This summer I prayed for a house to live in and a job in a church. I asked specifically if my good friend Lewis could buy a house and rent it to me. I asked specifically if I could be the secretary of a church. Ladies and Germs, both of those things have happened!! Lewis bought the house that he now rents to me and two other wonderful Godly Women (SWOGs) and on Monday I start my new job as secretary to Genesis Community Church! It's hard to imagine getting something that you pray for, not because of a lack of faith, but just because when we do get our prayers answered, most of the time we are so busy being happy about it that we forget that this was something we actually prayed for! People are dumb sometimes. :-)

Another thing I would never have imagined (and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it) is the thought of staying in Roanoke, Va for this long! This was clearly not my choice. I had grand schemes of going off to the UK and not coming back for a long time. Not because I wanted to get away from anything or anyone, but just to go off and "have my own adventure". The idea of staying here just didn't really appeal to me at all. It started to feel like such a "small town" with small minded people with bad grammar. But God has given me a home here, a place to belong, a family, a community of believers that I love dearly (even though I don't know all of their names yet). I would never have imagined this!

And now for something completely different:

There are some people in my life who are desperately praying for God's will in their lives, and it feels like He's taking His time answering. But know this, God does what God wants and it is always for our good and His glory. God is not going to set you up to fail, it's not how He works! God is love, but He is also wisdom. It's easy to think that God's love is like a huge umbrella that covers us from all trouble and we can just go on our way thinking that it doesn't matter what we do because God's love has us covered. Or that His love makes Him just a little blind to our faults. God's love is not a get out of jail free card. No, my friend, believe me when I say that He sees every single one of our faults and loves us anyway but that does not mean that He doesn't desire to see something given in return. His love is a gift, a free gift. There are many verses to back that up. But shouldn't such a powerful gift, if we have truly accepted it, make a change in us? If we truly love God in response to His love for us, shouldn't we have a desire to please Him with our lives? When people do something incredibly nice for us, do we not want to reciprocate? Of course we do! Well, God allowed His only Son to die a horrible death; what shall our response be?

What a weekend!

Okay, so here’s the scoop on what happened this weekend. This has already been an emotional week for me because I had to say goodbye to Jonesy (my foster brother of two years that is being adopted) last night and we had Genesis Prayer meeting last night too. But I digress….

Saturday morning, God woke me up at 4am and I knew that I needed to read my friend Lewis’s facebook (See, God does use facebook!). I got to his page and saw a status and a post that had been put up nearly an hour ago (3am). The status said, “Scum of the earth, refuse of the world, put on display at the end of the procession. Whipped, beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, jailed, burned, sawed in half, beheaded and crucified. Hungry, tired, lonely, crushed, mocked and doubted. Paul took the lash 195 times, Peter was nailed upside-down, John lost his head, Steven was crushed by rocks. The name of Jesus, properly spoken, should silence a room, if only for these.” Even though I wasn’t speaking out loud, my room went silent and it was… Supernatural.

I then read the post,

“Dear Sin Nature,

If I believe that the Bible is true (Romans 6-8), then you are SO DEAD.

YOU'RE DEADER THAN DEAD; YOU'RE SUPER-DEAD.

IF I have been born again, that is saved by the risen son of God, then you are DEAD.

DEAD MEANS NOT ALIVE, AKA NO LONGER ACTIVE OR VALID.

THANKS ANYWAY, GOOD TRY, BUT YOU = FAIL.

When I act as though you are still alive, I am gravely (haha, pun) mistaken. It’s like being in a jail cell that is unlocked. I am, in reality, not a prisoner anymore. The choice to function as one is mine, not yours, because you’re DEAD.

Yes, it is easier to do what I already know, but this is not what Jesus is asking me to do. I am being transformed, my mind is being renewed by the word of God and He is UNCONDITIONALLY committed to the process that makes me more like Him. Not you. You’re dead.

My most insincere regards to your rotting corpse, thanks for all the pain, doubt and suffering you caused,

Lewis Kleiner, new creature, alive in Christ.”

God used this to help me see that I was still standing in my cell, my prison, even though the door was wide open! It didn’t matter who made the prison, how it was formed, or why I stayed in it for so long; all that was forgiven and forgotten so that I could come out of it knowing that God led the way for me, all I had to do was follow Him. In the silence of my room, God held out His perfect hand to me and bid me to take it and let Him lead me out of my prison. It literally didn’t matter if I built the prison or if I just let myself be caught up in someone else’s prison, it was all forgiven and the door was flung open. I took His hand and wondered how I had stayed there for so long.

I processed this all weekend amidst all the things going on with Jonesy leaving and Keri and I looking for a new place to live… it’s been a busy weekend and this week is looking to be much the same. But God has been so good to me through it all, giving me extra strength for the day and then letting me rest at home, to play and talk with some beloved friends, and praise in church (can we just talk about how God spoke through the worship on Sunday? wow.) and letting me know that it’s okay that I’m still processing it even now! God knows that my brain has not caught up with my heart and it may not ever catch up, and that's okay. I don't need to be able to wrap my mind around what God has done in my life in order to accept it.

Last night, in prayer meeting, I'm sure we were supposed to be praying about something specific, but God had a grip on my heart and showed me in my mind's eye the cell that I have been living in. He showed me three solid walls and on open cage door. He walked into the cell, turned and looked at me with love shining out of His eyes, and then he raised His pierced hands and blew all four walls to pieces! Never again shall I live in that dirty cell when I can fly with Jesus!!

when i think about the Lord
how He saved me, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost
how He healed me to the uttermost
when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up
turned me around
how He set my feet
on solid ground

it makes me want to shout
hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!
Hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!

Phil 3:12-16
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

Questions? Comments?

now is the winter of our discontent...

I'm finding myself discontent lately. I didn't know it was happening until recently. I knew something was a little... disconnected, but I didn't know what or why. Now I know. Even though I'm surrounded by friends, family, and people that love me very much, I find myself discontent with the state of my life. Quite frankly, it's a little lonely.

But why? Because I'm not married? Because I'm not in the stage of life I think I should be in? Because I might secretly blame God for keeping me in one place too long and that's apparently a bad thing? Or because I blame myself, as if I had the choice to move on to the next stage of life and I passed it up?

E: All of the above.

I want to be married and I'm not. That's that. I see people who are the next stage of life and I want to be there. I'm tired of the problems that come with my current stage and I'm ready for new challenges. Yes, I do blame God. He's in control, isn't He? This is His show after all. And yes, I blame myself. I've had two distinct opportunities to move on to the next stage of life and I didn't.

But here's the thing about all that: if I'm not faithful with what I have been given in this stage, I won't be given anything new. If I'm not content with God in my current stage of life, I'm not going to be content in the next stage. Yes, God is in control, and He's a lot wiser than I am and He knows that moving me too quickly through life isn't going to turn out well for me. The decisions I've made in the past, I made after consulting a wise counsel and had a peace about them. Blaming myself now for making the right decisions then just seems silly, but you just saw me do it a paragraph ago.

The point is this: we, as humans, are pretty much stupid when it comes to what is best for us. Yeah, we make a right decision every now and then, but statistically, we're not good at running our own lives.

While I have been searching for contentment, the thought of asking God for it hadn't really entered my mind until today. I mean, praying for God to help me be content in Him... it just seems kinda wrong. Shouldn't my own contentment be something I can handle on my own? No, that's the point! We can't handle it! Something as huge as our own contentment, we cannot, nor should we try, to handle!

Here's what David said about it:

Psalm 62:5-8

⁵ Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. ⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. ⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. ⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

David pretty much ordered his own soul to find its rest in God and then told it why God was worthy. David then moves from his own soul to all his peoples souls. Basically, David says "do this, because God will never let you fall." Is that a good enough reason to find my contentment in God? Simply because He's trustworthy? I can honestly say that I have tried to find my contentment in things other than God and have ended up very disappointed and discontent with myself and the world. But shouldn't I find my contentment in God because that's where it really is? Shouldn't I rest in God because I love Him and He loves me? My human heart doesn't always understand that.

Later, David says this:

Psalm 86:11-12

¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. ¹² I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.

David has to ask to be taught God's ways. He had to ask for an undivided heart so that he could love God as God should be loved and that he could fear God the way God should be feared.

My prayer today is this: that God would see fit to give me this undivided heart so that I can long for the things God longs for in my life. So that I would be able to see how He sees and help people and glorify God the way God should be glorified. I stink of humanity and sin and that hinders me from praising the Eternal God the way He should be praised. But that doesn't hinder me from asking that God make my heart whole so that He can use it for His glory.

I think I'll work on a drawing/painting to illustrate this "whole heart" idea...

With who's voice do you speak?

Last night was our first night of prayer for Genesis and the Tacketts. There were eight people and God. It was good. And a few things were revealed that night. Some to me, some to Lewis. For Lewis, the power of prayer in his life and in the life of his future pastor came to a new light and he felt compelled to do something about it. I smiled at the man of God I saw in him last night. And while Lewis was talking about God doing something, although he did not know what, God was whispering in my ear and showing me a glimpse at what the end result will look like in both Lewis and CT's lives. I'm pretty sure I giggled.

For me, it was something different. Yes, the power of prayer, but also the voice with which we as Christians speak. We can speak with our voice and things get accomplished. But Psalm 29 talks about the voice of God and all that it can accomplish.

³ The voice of the LORD is over the waters;
the God of glory thunders,
the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.

⁴ The voice of the LORD is powerful;
the voice of the LORD is majestic.

⁵ The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars;
the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.

⁶ He makes Lebanon skip like a calf,
Sirion like a young wild ox.

⁷ The voice of the LORD strikes
with flashes of lightning.

⁸ The voice of the LORD shakes the desert;
the LORD shakes the Desert of Kadesh.

⁹ The voice of the LORD twists the oaks
and strips the forests bare.
And in his temple all cry, "Glory!"

All this is accomplished simply by His voice! What a voice it is! What could we accomplish if we spoke with the voice of God? Meaning, how would lives, our own and of those around us, change if we spoke only what God told us to speak and then speak it with the power and authority that He has given us? How would our own lives change if we listened for the voice of God before we listened for the voice of Oprah or Dr. Phil to tell us how to live? There is a truth in the voice of God that is unparalleled!

Last night I prayed for Genesis, Craig, Brittany, and Tyler. I prayed for the people in the room with me, I prayed for people that were not there, and I prayed for myself. I prayed that I would be able to see the truth in the people around me, that I would be able to see truth like a shining light and run from any darkness. I have recently been fighting against a disillusionment that I had with a few different pastors to whom I listen. It bothered me for a while that what they were saying was not original, that it came from some other pastor. I think it bothered me most because they seemed to own what they were saying to such an extent that I hadn't even thought for a second where they learned it. But God reminded me that there is nothing new under the sun and just because they didn't personally think up these good things, that does not devalue what they were saying. The voice with which they spoke was so powerful, I didn't even stop to think where the information came from, only that it was right. Part of that scares me and prompted me to pray to see truth. The wool has been pulled over my eyes in the past and I have no desire to reenact that scene. God has given me a lot of discernment over the years, but I know I need to be closer to Him, to be engulfed in Him.

Here's a song that's been speaking to me a lot lately:

Burn Us Up by Shane & Shane

There were three
Before the king
There were three who wouldn’t bow to him
For when you heard
The music play
And you were standing you would burn.
They looked at him and said…

Burn us up! Burn us up! Burn us up!
Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire
We give up! We give up! We give up!
Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire!
Won’t you throw us in the fire!

The king enraged
At what they said
Sent the three away to find their death
The palace stopped in unbelief
When the guilty raised their hands to sing
They looked at him and said…

You are able to deliver from the fire of affliction
It’s the declaration of my Lord
You’re not an image of gold
You’re the God of old
You have made us
Come and save us
We are Yours
But even if You don’t, we will burn!

This song won't leave me

Ancient Skies

by Michael Gungor Band

You have never changed
Your love is endless and Your mercy has remained
Through all the ages, You shine so bright
Nothing can compare
You made the heavens and Your glory fills the air
Through all the ages You ride the ancient skies

And You ride the ancient skies
You’re amazing
Creation cries, so will I

Now we stand amazed
And now we sing the word they sang in ancient days
A single word that’s overflowing endless praise
Hallelujah

Hallelujah…

Joseph and Paul.... praying for others.... a big smile!

Of all the men in the Bible, of all the examples I would want to follow besides Jesus, Joseph and Paul are the top two for me.

I think what I like most about these men was their ability to allow God to shine through their own imperfections. Their lives certainly weren't perfect though: both men made mistakes in their lives, both were a little cocky during their younger years, both spend time in prison, both had unique talents that they used for God. Yes, they were clearly anointed men, Joseph interpreting dreams and Paul preaching the Word with such passion and insight. But they had other talents as well.

Joseph was extremely organized and an amazing administrator, he had to be. It's not easy running a country on the verge of famine, but he did it. God used Joseph's divine talent of dream interpretation to put him in a position to use the earthly talents that God had been cultivating in Joseph his whole life through working for Potiphar, and holding a position in the jail, even through working with his father and brothers. Joseph was cultivated from a very early age to understand the importance and the many nuances of the role of administrator.

Paul was just plain brilliant. The pure knowledge that man held in his head amazes me! He knew the law like the back of his hand, he knew traditions, expectations, rules, and regulations. And he knew God. And he knew which one was most important. When Paul became a Christian, he went and spent time with the disciples because he knew that he needed to relearn things. He understood himself and God enough to know how to position himself to best learn what he needed to know. Both of these men used their God-given abilities, both natural and supernatural, to honor, obey, and glorify God. While I'm on Paul, I read Eph 1 this morning and learned how to pray for my friends and loved ones! Check it out!

How to pray for your friends and loved ones according to Paul (Eph. 1):

1. Do not stop giving God thanks for them and their faith and love for God and for others.

2. Continually pray for them; for God to give them a spirit of wisdom and revelation so that they can know Him better.

3. Pray that “the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints (1:18).

4. Pray these things also for yourself.

God Can Redeem Anything

This has a special meaning for me today. Along with the song "You Raise Me Up".


Today's Truth
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives" (Genesis 50:20, NIV).

Friend to Friend
God is faithful. He can use all circumstances for His glory. Let's take a brief look at the life of Joseph (Genesis 37--50). Joseph was a man of integrity who did right in the eyes of the Lord, yet he faced hardship, betrayal, and temptation. As a young man, he was less than humble a few times with his ten older brothers. Okay. Straight up, he actually came across as a puffed up little braggart. His bragging fed the jealously of Joseph's brothers because he was clearly their father's favorite child. Now granted, Joseph threw gasoline on the fire of this jealousy when he bragged about the dreams God had given him, and may have deserved a good smack upside his head for being so insensitive, but imagine how he must have felt to be thrown into a cistern and sold into slavery by his very own brothers! It chills me to the bone. Through it all, however, "the Lord was with Joseph and he prospered" (Genesis 39:2).

He found favor in the eyes of Potiphar, an official of Pharaoh in Egypt, and gained great position, privilege, and prestige. Not so bad for a guy who had been sold into slavery, huh? God was surely with him through it all. Joseph was trusted and placed over all that Potiphar owned.

His circumstances had taken quite a turn for the better ... until our man Joseph was wronged again ... this time by Potiphar's lying, lustful wife. Although he nobly resisted her sexual advances, Joseph was imprisoned when she falsely accused him of attempted rape. In the darkness of a dungeon, Joseph again experienced the lavish light of God's faithfulness as he was granted, "favor in the eyes of the prison warden" (Genesis 39:21). He quickly rose to a position of power and responsibility amongst his prisoner peers and was trusted by the warden.

While imprisoned, Joseph met a cupbearer and a baker who had been in Pharaoh's service, and when each of these two men had a disturbing dream the same night, God allowed Joseph to interpret their dreams. Joseph told the cupbearer that in three days he would be freed from prison and restored to his position in Pharoah's court (the interpretation wasn't quite so favorable for the baker). Joseph asked the cupbearer to remember him to Pharaoh, but on the third day, at Pharaoh's birthday feast, the cupbearer was reinstated and Joseph was forgotten. How frustrating would that be?

Two years later, while Joseph was still in the dungeon for doing the right thing, Pharaoh had two dreams that troubled him greatly. "So he sent for all the magicians and wise men of Egypt. Pharaoh told them his dreams, but no one could interpret them for him" (Genesis 41:8b). Finally, the cupbearer remembered Joseph and told Pharaoh of his ability to interpret dreams. Pharaoh sent for Joseph, who--with God's enabling--interpreted the dreams, and Pharaoh rewarded Joseph by placing him in charge of his palace and his people.

After Joseph was placed in charge of Egypt, he worked with integrity and fervor. He collected and stored all the excess food from the land in preparation for the famine that God had revealed, through Pharaoh's dream, would come. There were seven years of abundance followed by seven years of famine. The years of famine were severe, and during the famine, Joseph sold grain to both the Egyptians and to people of other lands.

Ultimately, the famine brought Joseph's brothers and father from the land of Canaan to Egypt for a God-reunion and restoration that only our amazing El-Shaddai could have arranged. In spite of all the pain he endured at the hands of others, Joseph was able to exclaim to his brothers in kindness, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good."

Joseph really got it.

He saw the big picture.

Though we've had to rush through this story, the take-away is clear. Joseph paid a high price for sins that had been committed against him, but through the trials, he was blessed richly as God eventually used each circumstance for His good. My dear sister, our God is able to redeem anything and everything that we face or endure. Anything! No matter what you've been through, not matter the secrets you've been hiding or accusations you've been listening to, God is able to redeem you.

Do you believe that? He is waiting to show you the big picture. If you've been holding something back from God or resisting His healing, then it's time for you to take your faith and trust to another level. No more safe living.

Let's Pray
Dear God, Help me see the big picture today. I surrender my pain of __________ to Your greater purpose. You know what I've been through...and I know that You are faithful, compassionate, and able to redeem anything. Please turn my hurt into something that can be used for Your good!

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
Journal about what's been redeemed in your life ... or about what you would like God to redeem.

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Write this on the tablet of your heart today. Commit it to memory!

Why Me?

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts'" (Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV).

There is nothing wrong with us trying to understand why the wounds of life occur; however, the Bible clearly tells us not to depend on or lean on our ability to answer the tough question, "Why?" "Trust in the Lord with all your heart," the writer of Proverbs tells us, "and do not lean on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5). Don't depend on your own mind to figure life out.

Ultimately, God is in control and His ways are higher than ours. God reminds us "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. "'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts'" (Isaiah 55:8-9). Dr. James Dobson, in his book, When God Doesn't Make Sense says "trying to analyze His (God's) omnipotence is like an amoeba attempting to comprehend the behavior of man." (Dr. James Dobson, When God Doesn't Make Sense (Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale Publishing, Inc. 1993) It is simply not possible.

But one thing we can be sure of, "all the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful," whether we understand them or not (Psalm 25:10). "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known" (1 Corinthians 13:12). It may not be until we cross over from the temporal to the eternal that we understand the many "whys" of life. Until then, we must trust in the sovereignty of God.

No matter what we have gone through or what we will go through in the future, God promises: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10).

God wants to know if we will trust Him no matter what our outward circumstances may be -- even if it means death. Will we say with Job, "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him" (Job 13:15)?

Prayer Request

All three of you that read this on a semi-regular basis are people that I trust and know that if I ask for prayer, you will actually pray about it. So I'm asking.

It was recently brought to my attention that if I transfered out of the program that I'm in at school, Master's in Professional Counseling, I could transfer to the Seminary and get my Master's in Pastoral Counseling. Not only is this $100 cheaper per credit hour, I would be learn how to work with churches and Christians. Here's the rub, one that I just learned today. I would not get a license. If I remain in my current program, I will be licensed in the state of Virginia upon graduation and the passing of many many tests, internship hours, and residency. There are A LOT of hoops to jump through to become licensed in Virginia that do not look promising to me even a little bit. I hate hoops and I'm not a fan of jumping either.

However, I want a license. It's not that I want the piece of paper to hang on my wall, it's that if I am licensed, I will be able to help a much wider range of people. Granted, I might not get hired by a church, and I won't just be working with Christians, but how can I spend money and time in school and NOT get a license? It seems like a complete waste of time! But the thought of seminary was brought to me for a reason and... I don't know why.

I never thought I would say this (EVER!) but in this instance, seminary seems to be the easy way out. I'm not worried about the tensions of working in a church setting as a woman, I'm not worried about not knowing what to say to a fellow Christian. I am worried about NOT being able to help someone because I don't have that stupid piece of paper on my wall. I'm thinking about how I can best help the most people. I know Jesus didn't have a formal education, he didn't have pieces of paper on His walls declaring Him worthy, but He was God!! Since when did God need a piece of paper!?! Since never!!!

Anyway, I covet prayer as I try to discern what God's will is here. Why would He bring up seminary if He didn't want me to go? Does He want me to go? What about this desire to have a license? What can I do with a license that I can't do without one? Where can my gifts be best served? So many questions....

Brokenness and Repentance

by Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9 NIV).

Friend to Friend
All through the Bible, we see amazing examples of God's grace and forgiveness extended to weak human beings like you and me. King David was one such man. We've looked at King David's demise in a previous devotion, but I want to take us back there again. There is more to learn. For those that are just joining us, I'll give a quick recap.

God referred to David as a "man after my own heart" (Acts 13:22). I can't think of a better endorsement than that. And yet, David also got caught up in his own press and for a moment thought he was above the laws of God.

One spring, when the Kings went out to war, King David decided to stay behind and relax at the palace. While walking on the roof to get a breath of fresh air, he caught sight of his beautiful neighbor, Bathsheba, taking a bath on her roof. He looked. He saw. He wanted. He took.

"Who is that girl?" he asked one of his servants.

"That, my Lord, is the wife of Uriah the Hittite, one of your faithful soldiers."

"Send someone and bring her to me!" he commanded.

So one starry night, in the heat of passion, David slept with his neighbor's wife and she conceived a child.

When David received word that Bathsheba was pregnant, he panicked. Did David confess? No. Did David repent? No. Instead, he tried to cover his tracks. He sent for Uriah to come home from battle thinking that he would sleep with his wife, thus conceal the fact that the child she bore was his. But the faithful Uriah, would not indulge himself in such pleasure during a time of war. Rather than enjoy the comfort of his wife's embrace, Uriah slept outside the palace door.

So David went to plan B.

He sent a message to Joab, the commander of the army.

"When you go to war, place Uriah on the front lines. Then when the battle ensues, have the men retreat, leaving Uriah exposed as a lone target for the enemy."

Joab followed the Commander and Chief's request. Uriah was left alone on the front lines and killed. After the proper time of mourning, David took the pregnant widow as his wife.

Do you wonder how David, a man after God's own heart was feeling this time? Was he afraid? Was he remorseful? Was he proud of himself for the great cover up?

Fortunately, God has allowed us to see inside this man's heart. During this time of moral failure, David penned Psalm 51.

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
(Psalm 51:1-17)

David was crushed in spirit -- and yet no one knew - or did they?

After David had taken Bathsheba to be his wife, the prophet Nathan confronted David with his sin.

David did not try to justify his actions, place blame on anyone else, or claim amnesty because he was king. Immediately he cried, "I have sinned against the LORD!"

After David repented, Nathan proclaimed, "The LORD has taken away your sin."

David was a broken man who repented of his sin, and immediately received grace and forgiveness from God. He resumed his role as king and proceeded to become the most powerful king Israel had ever known.

Let's Pray
Dear Heavenly Father: I come to you today confessing my own sin. Help me never to hide or justify my sin, but to see it as the offense to You that it is. I humbly repent before you and thank You for Your mercy that is new every morning. Thank You for forgiving the truly repentant heart.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
What strikes you most about David's story?

Write down five words that might describe David's emotional state during the time he was hiding his sin?

Why do you think God so quickly and completely forgave him?

Do you know that He will do and has done the same for you?

Deliver Us from the Evil One

by Max Lucado

The next-to-last phrase in the Lord's prayer is a petition for protection from Satan: "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one."

Is such a prayer necessary? Would God ever lead us into temptation? James 1:13 says, "When people are tempted they should not say, 'God is tempting me.' Evil cannot tempt God, and God himself does not tempt anyone." If God does not tempt us, then why pray, "Lead us not into temptation"? These words trouble the most sophisticated theologian.

But they don't trouble a child. And this is a prayer for the child-like heart. This is a prayer for those who look upon God as their Abba. This is a prayer for those who have already talked to their Father about provision for today ("Give us our daily bread.") and pardon for yesterday ("Forgive us our debts."). Now the child needs assurance about protection for tomorrow.

The phrase is best understood with a simple illustration. Imagine a father and son walking down an icy street. The father cautions the boy to be careful, but the boy is too excited to slow down. He hits the first patch of ice. Up go the feet and down plops the bottom. Dad comes along and helps him to his feet. The boy apologizes for disregarding the warning and then, tightly holding his father's big hand, he asks, "Keep me from the slippery spots. Don't let me fall again."

The Father is so willing to comply. "The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand" (Ps. 37:23--24 TLB). Such is the heart of this petition. It's a tender request of a child to a father. The last few slips have taught us--the walk is too treacherous to make alone. So we place our small hand in his large one and say, "Please, Abba, keep me from evil."

From
The Great House of God
© (Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2001) Max Lucado

"What's Your Temperature?"

By Gwen Smith

Today's Truth

"Search Me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting"
(Psalm 139:23-24, ESV).

Friend to Friend
I got a phone call in the middle of a workday from my son Preston. He was calling from the nurse's office at the school. Here's how the conversation went:

"Hey mom. It's Preston. I'm not feeling well, and I have a temperature of 96.5. Can you come get me?"

"96.5 degrees?" I asked. "Honey, that's below normal! That doesn't sound right."

"I know," he said, "but I don't feel well. Can you please come pick me up?"

"Sure honey. I'll be right there."

I chuckled the whole way to the school at what he had said. Surely he misread the thermometer! A normal temperature is 98.6. Something was off. I got to the school in a North Carolina minute and headed straight to the nurse's office. While Preston packed up his bag to go home, I spoke privately to the school nurse. With a grin on her face, she explained to me that Preston was resistant to putting the thermometer under his tongue as she had instructed him to do. He wasn't comfortable with that. "So," she said, "he held the thermometer between his lips." The nurse and I exchanged chuckles and amused glances as I thanked her for helping my son.

Although Preston knew something wasn't right with his body, he didn't get an accurate temperature reading because he didn't place the thermometer in deep enough. He didn't let it probe past the surface.

Later that night, as I thought back on the day, the Lord spoke to my heart. He showed me that there are times when I'm resistant to an accurate reading of my spiritual wellness. Times when I won't let Him probe past the surface of my heart, my actions, my attitudes, and my perspective to allow Him to reveal an accurate spiritual temperature for my life. Times when I'm not comfortable with deeper-level stuff. Times when I don't sit still to listen.

I was disturbed by that thought. I needed to be disturbed by that thought. By that truth. I'm in full time ministry, but that doesn't mean that I'm always in perfect spiritual health. To the contrary...the more I learn about God's holiness, the more I realize how much I need His grace and strength every minute of every day.

You might not "feel well" today. Perhaps you have spiritual indigestion from your marriage, your children, your friendships, your finances, your singleness, your conversations. It could be from the shows you watch, the internet relationships you've developed, the gossip you allow to pass from your lips, the jealousy you feel in your heart. You haven't allowed your heart to be probed. You are resistant to an accurate assessment of the hurt---resistant to a true assessment of your own heart.

What's your spiritual temperature? Are you hot or cold? Is the flame of faith in your heart fading or raging? Have you sat still long enough lately to ask God to search your heart? It's time for an accurate reading.

"For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." 2 Chronicles 16:9, NIV

Let's Pray
Holy Father, as the psalmist prayed, I ask that you would, "search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-24, ESV). In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
Take a spiritual inventory today. Spend a few moments considering your spiritual wellness. What is your quiet time like? Is God a top priority in your life? Do you set aside time regularly to read your Bible? Ask God to probe your heart and reveal areas in your life that need to be made right.

Read John 15:1-11, then write a prayer response.

A Satisfied Soul

by Gwen Smith

Today's Truth
"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." (Psalm 90:14, NIV)

Friend to Friend
Our souls constantly demand to be fed, and make no mistake about it: if God does not have the proper place in your life, your soul will remain hungry. When I invite God into my days, I experience His satisfying presence no matter what I face. But when I don't set aside time to pray, when I don't read my Bible, and when I don't praise, I get hungry. Really hungry ... and grouchy.

Christians are hungry people. Just like the Israelites who wandered in the desert, we need God's daily bread, His spiritual manna. Jesus taught us to ask for a daily portion. In the New Testament book of Matthew, Jesus took a moment to teach His followers how to pray. In that prayer, commonly referred to as the Lord's Prayer, He said, "Give us today our daily bread" (Matthew 6:11, emphasis mine).

He didn't ask to be fed for an entire week--just for today.

We would be wise to do the same.

Some people might think that once we become Christians all of our spiritual hunger subsides. Not so! I've found that the more I get to know God, the more I want to know Him. The more I experience His peace, presence, and power in my life, the more I want to experience His peace, presence, and power. I crave Him more.

In John 4:13, Jesus says to a Samaritan woman at Jacob's well, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again." He was referring to the water in the well and a body's physical thirst. But then He tells her what He can offer her soul: "but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life" (v. 14).

Jesus also addressed spiritual thirst and hunger when He spoke to a large crowd outside Capernaum. The day before, He had met their physical need by miraculously feeding over five thousand hungry people on a hill near the Sea of Galilee. But on this day, the crowds questioned him about what God wanted them to do. Jesus told them that they must "believe in the one [God] has sent" (John 6:29). (God isn't satisfied by what we do, but by whom we believe.) From there, the conversation went like this:

So they asked him, "What miraculous sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you? What will you do? Our forefathers ate the manna in the desert; as it is written: 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.'"

Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."

"Sir," they said, "from now on give us this bread."

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty" (John 6:30-35).

In his book, Come Thirsty, Max Lucado writes:

You're acquainted with physical thirst. Stop drinking and see what happens. Coherent thoughts vanish, skin grows clammy, and vital organs shut down. Deprive your body of necessary fluid, and it will tell you.

Deprive your soul of spiritual water, and it will tell you. Dehydrated hearts send desperate messages. Snarling tempers. Waves of worry. Growing guilt and fear. Hopelessness. Resentment. Loneliness. Insecurity.

But you don't have to live with a dehydrated heart. God invites you to treat your thirsty soul as you would treat your physical thirst. Just visit the WELL and drink deeply.

Every day we eat bread (food) to keep us healthy and strong. We stay healthy and strong spiritually by continually communing with Jesus. He calls Himself the Bread of Life as well as the Living Water. In order for food and water to sustain and strengthen us physically, we must eat and drink it. Likewise, we need to call on Jesus each day to sustain us spiritually. Call on Him now.

Let's Pray
Dear God, Thank You for the invitation to come, eat, drink, and be satisfied in You. You are all that I need, and more than enough. I pray that You will bear the weight of the burdens on my heart today, and ask that You would fill my soul with Your rest. Finally, please increase my cravings for You, Lord -- so that you can be glorified in and through my life. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

* Spending time with the Lord through His Word is one great way to feed your soul. Read and meditate on Psalm 63:1-8.
* Read it silently the first time, then read it again out loud.
* When have you witnessed God's power in your life? Thank Him!

God Loves You Enough to Say No

How many times have we been in the store or at the mall and have seen a child throw a temper tantrum because they didn’t get their way. Now, you know if a child does that in public, it’s because they think it will get them what they want because that’s how it works in private. Permissive parenting strikes again! Is God a permissive parent? I mean, He wants to bless us with all good things, but does that make Him “permissive”?

In the past month, God has been picking a theme a week and everything that’s been going on in my life has revolved around that theme. First it was motivation. What’s my motivation for obedience, prayer, and service? Second, it was my priorities. What are they and are they in accordance with God’s will? Third, it was His love. How am I an active participant in His love and how does He show me his love on a moment to moment basis? And this week, it’s Confession and denial. Given that this is only Wednesday, I can only imagine what this week is going to hold, but here’s what’s been going on so far, and seeing that it’s only Wednesday, I think it’s pretty huge!

1 John 1:5-10 (New Living Translation)

Living in the Light

⁵ This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. ⁶ So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. ⁷ But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. ⁸ If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. ⁹ But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. ¹⁰ If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.

God is perfect light and in Him no darkness can live. He has shared a spot in that light for me so that I can abide with Him and never fear the darkness of the world. Yet there is darkness in me that cannot be in the light. The sin in me needs to be taken away, which He did on the cross, but I need to daily confess my sin, not to keep myself clean, but to continue in an open, honest relationship with Him. He knows my heart and mind better than I do, but much like the parent who knows which child broke the lamp, He wants me to come to Him with my sin so that I know He’s taken it away.

Confession as Freedom:

God is not a liar, and it not mocked. For us, on point of confession is our freedom, but it’s more than that because if we confess, we can be close to God, which is His desire. His faithfulness in cleansing us from our sin comes from His love for us and His desire to be close to us. Obedience to Him begins with confession, and living in the truth comes with that. Fellowship with each other also comes with confession, freedom with God and man.

Confession and Denial (God used Sam and Bible Study last night in a big way to help me see this correlation):

Genesis 3:1-7 (New Living Translation)

The Man and Woman Sin

¹ The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” ² “Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied. ³ “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’” ⁴ “You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. ⁵ “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.” ⁶ The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. ⁷ At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.

Adam and Eve had it good in the garden, they had everything. Except one thing. One thing they were denied, though for good reason. When the serpent came to Eve, he didn’t point at the tree and say “God’s completely and totally wrong, eat it, you’ll be fine. God doesn’t even exist!” He knew that wouldn’t work because she knew that God existed in a very personal way, a way even more personal than you and I might know that God exists. Instead, Satan planted one seed of doubt and got her thinking about the one thing God said she couldn’t have. She went from being happy to be with God and have this perfect life, to being disappointed that she wasn’t God. She was denied this fruit by God, the one thing He said not to eat, and she wanted it! Notice how it didn’t take much convincing on Satan’s part to get her to eat the fruit. But when her eyes were opened, she realized that God said no for a reason, but it was too late.

Friends, God says no for a reason!

He loves us enough to not let us have everything we want, to keep us safe from hurting ourselves. Where does confession come into this? Tell Him. Tell God where in your life you feel denied and ask Him to help you deal with the fact that He tells you “no” because He loves you enough to keep you from all harm. Ask Him to show you how you try to fill that gap of what you feel you’ve been denied with things other than Him. Understanding God’s immense love for you is only the first step. Once you have a feel for His love, test it with confession, knowing that He will forgive you and, even better, heal you! Let Him show you your denial in your own life. What are you refusing to see about yourself?

Personally, and those of you that know me know this, I feel I have been denied a husband so I try to fill that gap with other things. But God has been showing me a better way, a better solution to this problem. Trusting in Him and His wisdom in my life; I’ve already proven that when it comes to my own life, I’m a terrible driver.

In what ways has God said “no” to you? Have you tried to fill that gap with other things? Have you confessed those other things with a true heart of repentance or are you just confessing to try to alleviate your own guilt? What is your motivation in repentance? How has this denial changed your view of God and how should God actually be viewed?

Remember: We are denied things for a good reason. God love you enough to say no!