I have lived with my roommate for only a few months, but I already know her. I know her voice, her quirks, the things she struggles with, the people she loves and respects, her tendencies and habits. Her character, her personality, her ways. I have a few other friends that I know in the same way: their character, personality, how they think, and even sometimes what they think. Some people I can read as if they were an open book to me. Others I can read like a VCR manual, I understand the words, but the way they are put together doesn't make much sense.
The same is true about my relationship with God. Over the years, I have learned to hear His voice, to recognize His touch, and to understand some basic truths of who He is.
There are so many revelations of God in His Word. The Bible boasts of His greatness, glory, honor, and character. We know that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb 13:8), that God's grace is sufficient for every repentant heart, and that His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). We know that His name is above all other names (Philippians 2:9), that there is no other like Him (Jeremiah 10:6), and that His wisdom holds secrets that are hidden from before time began (I Corinthians 2:7). And for as much as we know about the LORD, our knowledge of Him is but a fraction of a grain of sand as held up to all the beaches on earth.
Though He is the mysterious master Creator who hung each star in the sky and calls them by name, He wants us to love Him, to trust Him, to know Him, and to worship Him. That thought alone sets my mind to wonder! God invites us to participate with Him in a vibrant dance of abundant life through His Son, Jesus Christ. Our amazing Heavenly Father bids each and every one of us to come to Him with questions, to be held by His love, to find peace, hope, and healing in His Son. He calls us to seek Him through prayer and to experience new revelations of Him through His Word and through the Holy Spirit.
The voice of all of creation shouts His praise! I encourage you to pause in this moment to consider Him...to respond to Him...to meditate on His glorious splendor. As you do, He will increasingly become the all-satisfying desire of your heart, while at the same time, He will stir up a hunger in your soul to know Him even more.
1 The LORD appeared to Abraham near the great trees of Mamre while he was sitting at the entrance to his tent in the heat of the day. 2 Abraham looked up and saw three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he hurried from the entrance of his tent to meet them and bowed low to the ground.
3 He said, "If I have found favor in your eyes, my lord, do not pass your servant by. 4 Let a little water be brought, and then you may all wash your feet and rest under this tree. 5 Let me get you something to eat, so you can be refreshed and then go on your way—now that you have come to your servant."
"Very well," they answered, "do as you say."
6 So Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah. "Quick," he said, "get three seahs of fine flour and knead it and bake some bread."
7 Then he ran to the herd and selected a choice, tender calf and gave it to a servant, who hurried to prepare it. 8 He then brought some curds and milk and the calf that had been prepared, and set these before them. While they ate, he stood near them under a tree.
9 "Where is your wife Sarah?" they asked him.
"There, in the tent," he said.
10 Then the LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son."
Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. 11 Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"
13 Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' 14 Is anything too hard for the LORD ? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."
15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh."
But he said, "Yes, you did laugh."
Some things I never realized about this passage until today: there were three men standing there, yet it says that the LORD came to see Abraham. Abraham bowed before all three and addressed them as one, yet he knew there were three men standing before him because he prepared three loaves of bread. Could this be the second appearance of our three-in-one God? (the first being in the first few verses of Chap. 1). Also, Abraham seemed to understand that all three men were God, all three were his LORD. How did he know this? Did God sit him down and explain triune theology and it just didn't get recorded? We're only in chapter 18 of the Bible and yet Abraham seems to know things he really shouldn't know. How is this possible? Am I reading it wrong? Please, someone smarter than me give some insight.
Last night I went to bed around 3:30-3:45am, but I didn’t fall to sleep until around 4:30am. In between 4:30am and 6am I dreamt that I was putting the memories of things that happened that night, my impressions of them, and my feelings about them and about myself in little 4”x4” boxes that covered an entire wall. There was a ladder so I could reach the ones that were above my head. I had a lot to sort through.
I would pick up a card on which the memory/feeling/impression was stored, look at it, and then place it in the correct box. I was very aware of everything I was doing and would occasionally think to myself “Oh no! What time is it? I don’t want to be late for work!” And then I would wake up, look at the clock, note how much longer I had to sleep, and then close my eyes, go back to sleep and continue filing.
It was very surreal, I knew what I was doing and I remember it vividly. It’s been suggested to me that it was more of a meditative state than actually sleeping. Not sure about that…. But still, talk about compartmentalizing!!
I had another dream too, but that one's none of your business.
All three of you that read this on a semi-regular basis are people that I trust and know that if I ask for prayer, you will actually pray about it. So I'm asking.
It was recently brought to my attention that if I transfered out of the program that I'm in at school, Master's in Professional Counseling, I could transfer to the Seminary and get my Master's in Pastoral Counseling. Not only is this $100 cheaper per credit hour, I would be learn how to work with churches and Christians. Here's the rub, one that I just learned today. I would not get a license. If I remain in my current program, I will be licensed in the state of Virginia upon graduation and the passing of many many tests, internship hours, and residency. There are A LOT of hoops to jump through to become licensed in Virginia that do not look promising to me even a little bit. I hate hoops and I'm not a fan of jumping either.
However, I want a license. It's not that I want the piece of paper to hang on my wall, it's that if I am licensed, I will be able to help a much wider range of people. Granted, I might not get hired by a church, and I won't just be working with Christians, but how can I spend money and time in school and NOT get a license? It seems like a complete waste of time! But the thought of seminary was brought to me for a reason and... I don't know why.
I never thought I would say this (EVER!) but in this instance, seminary seems to be the easy way out. I'm not worried about the tensions of working in a church setting as a woman, I'm not worried about not knowing what to say to a fellow Christian. I am worried about NOT being able to help someone because I don't have that stupid piece of paper on my wall. I'm thinking about how I can best help the most people. I know Jesus didn't have a formal education, he didn't have pieces of paper on His walls declaring Him worthy, but He was God!! Since when did God need a piece of paper!?! Since never!!!
Anyway, I covet prayer as I try to discern what God's will is here. Why would He bring up seminary if He didn't want me to go? Does He want me to go? What about this desire to have a license? What can I do with a license that I can't do without one? Where can my gifts be best served? So many questions....
“32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
Those of you that know me know that I am single, almost terminally so. I have not yet found a man that can lead me. I don’t say that to boast or sound stronger than I am, it’s just a simple fact. God has made me a certain way and I’ve not yet met the man that God said, “Hey, submit to him and lose nothing of yourself.” If you know me, you know that I’m not a feminist, burn-your-bra, all-men-are-pigs type of woman. You know that my deepest desire is to follow God and His leading in my life and He has not yet lead me down the path of marriage. My spirit is just fine with that. My spirit loves that fact that I can focus my attention on God and not worry about someone else. I don’t want to have to think before I make a decision if that would be okay with “him”, or if “he” would want to be involved as well. I want to take all my energy and focus on God and on what He’s doing in my life and how that translates into me being able to help others for God’s glory alone. That’s my spirit.
My flesh is a whole ‘nother story! It wants someone to worry about, someone to care for, and someone to think about when I’m at work. It wants someone to worry about me, someone to care for me, and someone to think about me while they’re at work. My flesh wants some physical person to be there when I need a hug, someone to physically be there when I want them to be there. My flesh wants someone strong, personable, a Godly man to lead, my flesh wants to submit to someone.
In addition to saying the above, 1 Cor. 7 also says that it’s better to marry than to burn, but is that really good enough reason to marry? Is that fair to the other person? I mean, if I got married to someone just because he… had a need to be married, is that really fair? I know what the Bible says, but I wouldn’t want someone to marry me just because they… needed to. And I would hope that the reverse would be true. If I were to marry someone, I would hope they would want more from me than that. Now, I realize that that’s only one part of the whole deal, but that’s the part that the Bible addresses right there, so I’m going with the thought that it’s a rather important part.
I guess what this really comes down to is what part of you is going to win: spirit or flesh. 1 Cor. 2:12 says “We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.” God has given us His Spirit because without it, our spirits wouldn’t know the real meaning behind anything that God has freely given us. We wouldn’t understand the power of our salvation, we wouldn’t understand the power of God that our spirits have access to, and we wouldn’t understand how to use that power in our spirits to control our flesh. Given that, given that we have the power of God through our spirit to control our flesh, I’m going to say that our spirits have power over our flesh. God made them both and has power and dominion over both, but He has also given us a way to fight the sinful desires of the flesh.
Marriage is not, in itself, sinful. But marriage at the wrong time, marriage with the wrong person, marriage in any other way than what God has appointed can be counted as disobedience and is therefore a sin. Marriage is an institution made by God, but if Satan has taught us anything, it’s that even good things made by God can be perverted. That’s what Satan does, he is the great perverter.Satan can take something as good and perfectly God-made as the institution of marriage, and twist it until it becomes something sinful, something wrong. I’m not talking about things as obvious of homosexuality; Satan is much slyer than that. For the Christian, Satan knows that the temptation of homosexuality is probably not going to work in most cases. So he has to be slick and try to get us to marry outside of God’s will by telling us that God wants us to be happy and make us think that marriage is the only way to be happy. Yes, of course God wants His children to be happy, but the greatest happiness will come on His terms, not ours and certainly not as Satan’s.
So friend, who will win, your spirit or your flesh? Do you have the power of God flowing through your spirit? Are you aware of Satan’s ability to twist things just enough to make them sinful but not so bad that it’s obviously wrong? Do you have control over your flesh? Matthew 18:8-9 “8If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.” That’s sounds harsh, but the flesh is stupid and cannot learn without severe punishment.
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read writings of Plato, Saint Augustine of Hippo, Jesus Christ, and Aristotle. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey, " I confessed to my husband, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," he said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," he said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and he began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for Obama's book "The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream". Listening to a PBS station on the radio, I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. Later, I realized that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Jerry Spinger" talking about the song "I'm bad" by Michael Jacks. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. Life just seemed .. more bland .. without purpose or meaning, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking, and avoided thoughts about the meaning of life and my future. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home and the office. Now I stare for hours at the T.V. and receive my daily dose of brainwashing instead of contemplating the mysteries of life.
