A Love Song to My Jesus

A Love Song to My Jesus

The wind brushing through the trees,

The birds chirping their songs with glee,

Ripples journeying across the water’s surface,

Hazy mountains in the distance,

A crisp, clear sky colored an inspired blue.

A brilliant tribute of blues, browns, and greens.

The humming bird at the feeder,

Two squirrels running along the branches,

A puppy searching for the perfect stick,

Sun shining down on my face.

Praise! Praise the Father! Praise the Son!

Praise the Spirit! Three in one.

Stars twinkle their lights in delight,

The moon sighs a gentle lullaby

Bidding heavy eyelids to rest.

Tides come and go in perfect rhythm,

Hearts beat out life life life.

Motions set to action by a Divine Love.

What a weekend!

Okay, so here’s the scoop on what happened this weekend. This has already been an emotional week for me because I had to say goodbye to Jonesy (my foster brother of two years that is being adopted) last night and we had Genesis Prayer meeting last night too. But I digress….

Saturday morning, God woke me up at 4am and I knew that I needed to read my friend Lewis’s facebook (See, God does use facebook!). I got to his page and saw a status and a post that had been put up nearly an hour ago (3am). The status said, “Scum of the earth, refuse of the world, put on display at the end of the procession. Whipped, beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, jailed, burned, sawed in half, beheaded and crucified. Hungry, tired, lonely, crushed, mocked and doubted. Paul took the lash 195 times, Peter was nailed upside-down, John lost his head, Steven was crushed by rocks. The name of Jesus, properly spoken, should silence a room, if only for these.” Even though I wasn’t speaking out loud, my room went silent and it was… Supernatural.

I then read the post,

“Dear Sin Nature,

If I believe that the Bible is true (Romans 6-8), then you are SO DEAD.

YOU'RE DEADER THAN DEAD; YOU'RE SUPER-DEAD.

IF I have been born again, that is saved by the risen son of God, then you are DEAD.

DEAD MEANS NOT ALIVE, AKA NO LONGER ACTIVE OR VALID.

THANKS ANYWAY, GOOD TRY, BUT YOU = FAIL.

When I act as though you are still alive, I am gravely (haha, pun) mistaken. It’s like being in a jail cell that is unlocked. I am, in reality, not a prisoner anymore. The choice to function as one is mine, not yours, because you’re DEAD.

Yes, it is easier to do what I already know, but this is not what Jesus is asking me to do. I am being transformed, my mind is being renewed by the word of God and He is UNCONDITIONALLY committed to the process that makes me more like Him. Not you. You’re dead.

My most insincere regards to your rotting corpse, thanks for all the pain, doubt and suffering you caused,

Lewis Kleiner, new creature, alive in Christ.”

God used this to help me see that I was still standing in my cell, my prison, even though the door was wide open! It didn’t matter who made the prison, how it was formed, or why I stayed in it for so long; all that was forgiven and forgotten so that I could come out of it knowing that God led the way for me, all I had to do was follow Him. In the silence of my room, God held out His perfect hand to me and bid me to take it and let Him lead me out of my prison. It literally didn’t matter if I built the prison or if I just let myself be caught up in someone else’s prison, it was all forgiven and the door was flung open. I took His hand and wondered how I had stayed there for so long.

I processed this all weekend amidst all the things going on with Jonesy leaving and Keri and I looking for a new place to live… it’s been a busy weekend and this week is looking to be much the same. But God has been so good to me through it all, giving me extra strength for the day and then letting me rest at home, to play and talk with some beloved friends, and praise in church (can we just talk about how God spoke through the worship on Sunday? wow.) and letting me know that it’s okay that I’m still processing it even now! God knows that my brain has not caught up with my heart and it may not ever catch up, and that's okay. I don't need to be able to wrap my mind around what God has done in my life in order to accept it.

Last night, in prayer meeting, I'm sure we were supposed to be praying about something specific, but God had a grip on my heart and showed me in my mind's eye the cell that I have been living in. He showed me three solid walls and on open cage door. He walked into the cell, turned and looked at me with love shining out of His eyes, and then he raised His pierced hands and blew all four walls to pieces! Never again shall I live in that dirty cell when I can fly with Jesus!!

when i think about the Lord
how He saved me, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost
how He healed me to the uttermost
when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up
turned me around
how He set my feet
on solid ground

it makes me want to shout
hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!
Hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!

Phil 3:12-16
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

Questions? Comments?

God is... I am... why should I.... how can I?

Psalm 19:7-11

"The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.

⁸ The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.

⁹ The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.

¹⁰ They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.

¹¹ By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward."

These verses mean so much to me right now!In God teaching me about true intimacy with Him, these verses are showing me who God is, what He wants to do with my life, how I can let Him, and why I should let Him.

What/who God is:

• Perfect
• trustworthy
• right
• clear
• pure
• true

What He wants to do with me:

• revive my soul
• make me wise
• bring my heart joy
• give me insight
• give me a great reward (heaven!)

Why should I let Him do these things in me:

• He is forever
• He is fair
• He is more desirable than gold
• He is sweeter than honey
• He warns me because He loves me

How can I allow this to happen:

• Obedience to Him and His word

If I'm going to get more intimate with God and get to a place where I can pour into others from a never ending wellspring of His love, joy, peace, and energy, then I'm going to need to learn these things... and quickly! God knew that I would need this summer to deal with these things because when the fall hits, it's going to be too busy for me to give this the focus and attention it deserves.

On another note, I've been drawing more and more lately. It's been very therapeutic.

now is the winter of our discontent...

I'm finding myself discontent lately. I didn't know it was happening until recently. I knew something was a little... disconnected, but I didn't know what or why. Now I know. Even though I'm surrounded by friends, family, and people that love me very much, I find myself discontent with the state of my life. Quite frankly, it's a little lonely.

But why? Because I'm not married? Because I'm not in the stage of life I think I should be in? Because I might secretly blame God for keeping me in one place too long and that's apparently a bad thing? Or because I blame myself, as if I had the choice to move on to the next stage of life and I passed it up?

E: All of the above.

I want to be married and I'm not. That's that. I see people who are the next stage of life and I want to be there. I'm tired of the problems that come with my current stage and I'm ready for new challenges. Yes, I do blame God. He's in control, isn't He? This is His show after all. And yes, I blame myself. I've had two distinct opportunities to move on to the next stage of life and I didn't.

But here's the thing about all that: if I'm not faithful with what I have been given in this stage, I won't be given anything new. If I'm not content with God in my current stage of life, I'm not going to be content in the next stage. Yes, God is in control, and He's a lot wiser than I am and He knows that moving me too quickly through life isn't going to turn out well for me. The decisions I've made in the past, I made after consulting a wise counsel and had a peace about them. Blaming myself now for making the right decisions then just seems silly, but you just saw me do it a paragraph ago.

The point is this: we, as humans, are pretty much stupid when it comes to what is best for us. Yeah, we make a right decision every now and then, but statistically, we're not good at running our own lives.

While I have been searching for contentment, the thought of asking God for it hadn't really entered my mind until today. I mean, praying for God to help me be content in Him... it just seems kinda wrong. Shouldn't my own contentment be something I can handle on my own? No, that's the point! We can't handle it! Something as huge as our own contentment, we cannot, nor should we try, to handle!

Here's what David said about it:

Psalm 62:5-8

⁵ Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. ⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. ⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. ⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

David pretty much ordered his own soul to find its rest in God and then told it why God was worthy. David then moves from his own soul to all his peoples souls. Basically, David says "do this, because God will never let you fall." Is that a good enough reason to find my contentment in God? Simply because He's trustworthy? I can honestly say that I have tried to find my contentment in things other than God and have ended up very disappointed and discontent with myself and the world. But shouldn't I find my contentment in God because that's where it really is? Shouldn't I rest in God because I love Him and He loves me? My human heart doesn't always understand that.

Later, David says this:

Psalm 86:11-12

¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. ¹² I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.

David has to ask to be taught God's ways. He had to ask for an undivided heart so that he could love God as God should be loved and that he could fear God the way God should be feared.

My prayer today is this: that God would see fit to give me this undivided heart so that I can long for the things God longs for in my life. So that I would be able to see how He sees and help people and glorify God the way God should be glorified. I stink of humanity and sin and that hinders me from praising the Eternal God the way He should be praised. But that doesn't hinder me from asking that God make my heart whole so that He can use it for His glory.

I think I'll work on a drawing/painting to illustrate this "whole heart" idea...

With who's voice do you speak?

Last night was our first night of prayer for Genesis and the Tacketts. There were eight people and God. It was good. And a few things were revealed that night. Some to me, some to Lewis. For Lewis, the power of prayer in his life and in the life of his future pastor came to a new light and he felt compelled to do something about it. I smiled at the man of God I saw in him last night. And while Lewis was talking about God doing something, although he did not know what, God was whispering in my ear and showing me a glimpse at what the end result will look like in both Lewis and CT's lives. I'm pretty sure I giggled.

For me, it was something different. Yes, the power of prayer, but also the voice with which we as Christians speak. We can speak with our voice and things get accomplished. But Psalm 29 talks about the voice of God and all that it can accomplish.

³ The voice of the LORD is over the waters;
the God of glory thunders,
the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.

⁴ The voice of the LORD is powerful;
the voice of the LORD is majestic.

⁵ The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars;
the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.

⁶ He makes Lebanon skip like a calf,
Sirion like a young wild ox.

⁷ The voice of the LORD strikes
with flashes of lightning.

⁸ The voice of the LORD shakes the desert;
the LORD shakes the Desert of Kadesh.

⁹ The voice of the LORD twists the oaks
and strips the forests bare.
And in his temple all cry, "Glory!"

All this is accomplished simply by His voice! What a voice it is! What could we accomplish if we spoke with the voice of God? Meaning, how would lives, our own and of those around us, change if we spoke only what God told us to speak and then speak it with the power and authority that He has given us? How would our own lives change if we listened for the voice of God before we listened for the voice of Oprah or Dr. Phil to tell us how to live? There is a truth in the voice of God that is unparalleled!

Last night I prayed for Genesis, Craig, Brittany, and Tyler. I prayed for the people in the room with me, I prayed for people that were not there, and I prayed for myself. I prayed that I would be able to see the truth in the people around me, that I would be able to see truth like a shining light and run from any darkness. I have recently been fighting against a disillusionment that I had with a few different pastors to whom I listen. It bothered me for a while that what they were saying was not original, that it came from some other pastor. I think it bothered me most because they seemed to own what they were saying to such an extent that I hadn't even thought for a second where they learned it. But God reminded me that there is nothing new under the sun and just because they didn't personally think up these good things, that does not devalue what they were saying. The voice with which they spoke was so powerful, I didn't even stop to think where the information came from, only that it was right. Part of that scares me and prompted me to pray to see truth. The wool has been pulled over my eyes in the past and I have no desire to reenact that scene. God has given me a lot of discernment over the years, but I know I need to be closer to Him, to be engulfed in Him.

Here's a song that's been speaking to me a lot lately:

Burn Us Up by Shane & Shane

There were three
Before the king
There were three who wouldn’t bow to him
For when you heard
The music play
And you were standing you would burn.
They looked at him and said…

Burn us up! Burn us up! Burn us up!
Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire
We give up! We give up! We give up!
Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire!
Won’t you throw us in the fire!

The king enraged
At what they said
Sent the three away to find their death
The palace stopped in unbelief
When the guilty raised their hands to sing
They looked at him and said…

You are able to deliver from the fire of affliction
It’s the declaration of my Lord
You’re not an image of gold
You’re the God of old
You have made us
Come and save us
We are Yours
But even if You don’t, we will burn!

a few things I learned this weekend

1. I'm wrong a lot.
2. Relying on the wisdom of those wiser than you is a wise thing.
3. Never underestimate the importance of family and spending time with them.
4. There is nothing new under the sun, but that should not make a worthy thing any less valuable.
5. Never put two male toddlers in the same room and expect peace.
6. Rest can happen in the midst of chaos.
7. Within a the next year and a half, I will probably emerge as being the only single one left in my family.
8. When friends are incredibly happy with their lives, they sometimes forget to be sensitive to others, but that should not change the friendship.
9. Having someone to talk to is important. Talking to God is more important. Listening to God is top priority.
10. My fears are tiddlywinks to God's plan and God's power.
    

contentment

Contentment

Contentment

1. The state of being contented or satisfied; content.

Contentment without external honor is humility.

Godliness with contentment is great gain. --1 Tim. vi. 6.

2. The act or process of contenting or satisfying; as, the contentment of avarice is impossible.

3. Gratification; pleasure; satisfaction.

At Paris the prince spent one whole day to give his mind some contentment in viewing of a famous city. --Sir H. Wotton.

Contentment

a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be (1 Tim. 6:6; 2 Cor. 9:8). It is opposed to envy (James 3:16), avarice (Heb. 13:5), ambition (Prov. 13:10), anxiety (Matt. 6:25, 34), and repining (1 Cor. 10:10). It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of divine providence (Ps. 96:1, 2; 145), the greatness of the divine promises (2 Pet. 1:4), and our own unworthiness (Gen. 32:10); as well as from the view the gospel opens up to us of rest and peace hereafter (Rom. 5:2).

satisfaction
noun
1.	the contentment one feels when one has fulfilled a desire, need, or expectation; "the chef tasted the sauce with great satisfaction"
2.	state of being gratified or satisfied; "dull repetitious work gives no gratification"; "to my immense gratification he arrived on time"
3.	compensation for a wrong; "we were unable to get satisfaction from the local store"
4.	(law) the payment of a debt or fulfillment of an obligation; "the full and final satisfaction of the claim"
5.	act of fulfilling a desire or need or appetite; "the satisfaction of their demand for better services"

satisfaction

1. The fulfillment or gratification of a desire, a need, or an appetite.
2. The pleasure or contentment that is derived from such gratification.

Are you? Why not? Is it your fault? Have you talked to God about it?