The shape of your heart

If you were to draw your heart, what shape would it take? Would it be battered and beaten? Would it be fresh and bright? Would it be held safely in someone's strong and capable hands? Would it be standing alone?

Mine would (big shock here) be a book. Not a new book, not an old book. Plain on the outside, so plain in fact that many people look over it without even noticing, but it is held securely and lovingly in the hands of Jesus. He has read it so many times, He knows it better than I do! Inside the pages are worn with use. Many passages are highlighted and underlined by people that have walked through my life and taught me something about myself. They have each written a little something in the margins, each leaving their own special mark on the pages of my heart. The story my heart tells is for the eyes of Jesus alone, for He is the Author. Many people catch a glimpse of it here and there, they can read a page or two, maybe even a whole chapter; but no one can know the fullness of it except the Author. He knows what it was created for and who will read bits and pieces of it.

Every time I hold a book in my hands, I think about my heart. The link is so direct for me that I cannot help but wonder what new page of my heart will turn next. What chapter of my life am I on and how many more chapters do I have to go? Am I nearing the middle of the book or still in the beginning?

What about your heart? What shape does it take?

The structure of a book

“When we read a story, we inhabit it. The covers of the book are like a roof and four walls. What is to happen next will take place within the four walls of the story. And this is possible because the story’s voice makes everything its own.”

- John Berger; Keeping a Rendezvous


I love the structure of books. I love to read a book and see the four walls, roof, basement, and all the different floors and rooms of a book. Each character, each situation, each event adds another layer, another dimension, another story to the structure of the book. When reading a book, I love to watch the structure slowly unfold, creating a new puzzle piece with each turn of a page. Every new twist in the unfolding of the story allows for a new room to be explored. As the characters wonder around the house of the story, each person's point of view in each room allows the reader's mind to expand and be made aware of possibilities yet unknown to them. With each book I read, I can only hope that my mind expands to include new possibilities in life, in imagination, and in dreams.

my love

I love books. I love stories. I love the world that books open up to your mind. I love the feel of a book in my hand. I love the smell of old books and the look of the yellowing pages. I love the comforting silence of the library. I love the vast feeling of knowledge that exists in such a palatable way that if I took in a deep breath, I would know more than I did before I breathed. I love the imagination that books bring to my life. I love the escape of a good story. I love the structure. I love to take a good story and build a house out of it. The easy way I can be taken so far away from my present place by a good book causes me to yearn for more and more.

“We needed books, we needed something on which to build dreams.”
Louis L’Amour

Things I hate about food...

Things I hate. I realize that maybe "hate" is a strong word, but today, this morning, these are things that are really grating on my nerves:

1. Feeling like I have to ration my food to make it to the next payday, even though I know that money needs to go someplace else. All I want is to pay bills and still be able to get food and gas. Apparently that is too much to ask right now.

2. Feeling the need to eat protein and only being able to grab the half eaten Slim Jim left in my drawer from the week before. Even though Slim Jims do have 6 grams of protein (the big ones do anyway), I still feel like this is an ultimately bad life choice.

3. People saying that you look like you've lost weight and you know the reason why, and it has nothing to do with a diet that you actually chose but rather the buying of more "economical" foods. Now hear this People, Ramen and Spaghettios do NOT a healthy diet make! And yet these and other similar items have been nearly the entirety of my food intake recently.

4. For those of us that sometimes struggle with anemic tendencies, this is NOT a good way to live your life! I have been showing signs of anemia all week and that is bad, very bad. I want a steak. Medium rare. I'm feeling very carnivorous.

I need some cheaper options here. Weekly, I'm super thankful for my amazing roommates and my wonderful boss who feed me! If not for them, I would be much skinnier, and not in the good way.

In about two weeks, my family is taking me on a 9 day cruise to celebrate my birthday. Is it bad that I'm most excited about getting to eat some really good food? Guilt-free (I feel guilty wasting yokes) Egg white omelets with lots of veggies, plenty of red meat and seafood, as much iced tea as I can drink, peanut butter that's not past its expiration date, and who knows what other glories lie before me!! (and since when did unexpired peanut butter become a "glory"?)

I'm looking forward to the day when I can eat healthier because I can afford it, not because I feel like I'm going to pass out if I don't. Today's lunch: one spicy black bean burger I found in the back of my freezer (no one claimed it, so I took it) and some frozen spinach (thank you Mr. Office Microwave).

A coworker just walked in with doughnuts... this might not be such a bad day after all. :-)

ponderation of the day...

What’s one thing you feel you can’t say in the church? Why?