Saturday, January 28, 2012

not posting and why

I have not posted on this blog since last August. Why? Because I have had nothing to say. Nothing to give. Some stressful situations took over my life and I have nothing to offer anyone. What's different now? Well, the old stress has been replaced by new stress (as is always the case) but this time, I'm not looking to people to help. I know I have the most amazing fiance, wonderful family who love me to the end of the earth and back again, but I also know that those people cannot fully comprehend my view of my stresses and that they cannot, ultimately, make those stresses less intense. Only God can. He is the only One who can make this life worth living. He is the only One who can fix things for His eternal glory instead of just my personal and temporary comfort.

Something things get really difficult and I have to ask God, "Why on earth is THIS necessary!?" He doesn't mind the question most of the time, unless I'm showing deliberate distrust in His power and His glory. He wants to hear from me, but He will not stand to be doubted when my heart knows His infinite power and love for me. When I ask, I ask in reverent fear and love for what He is doing. I'm not asking to demand an answer, I'm asking as a conversation starter. He knows my heart and He knows that I want to follow only Him, even through the most difficult times in my life that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. He knows I need Him and I know it too.

I will begin to start posting again soon. God is showing me more about Himself and the deeply personal aspect of the relationship He wants to have with me and I will be posting about it. Also, I'm starting a new phase of my life with TG, my fiance. I love new phases because they mark a solid "moving on" from the old phase and I get the unique opportunity to allow God to help me start completely fresh, leaving all my issues with Him at the doorstep of the new phase. If I bring issues with me, that's on me. He will help me with them, but I was the only who decided to hang onto them.

I love my God, I love TG, I love my family and friends, and I will love this new phase of the journey. Uphill, downhill, valley, and mountaintop.